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So I think I’m dropping out now.

(52 Posts)
JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:09:18

I’m aware that that’s a very attention seeking way of saying things but it’s where my head is and you can judge me all you like.

Also, I’m aware that my situation may change

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:13:45

I need a record of how I’m feeling. I’m just sick of fighting and treading on eggshells and for people expecting me to be perfect all the time.

Dh can’t fuck the children up any more than I do so I’m dropping out now. I don’t mean suicide, just running away.

PurpleDaisies Mon 23-Oct-17 00:19:51

You're planning on abandoning your children because you're fed up of fighting and people wanting you to be perfect? There must be more to this.

What's got you here?

The Samaritans will always listen to people in crisis. It doesn't have to suicide related.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:20:14

I don’t even know what else to say.

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 23-Oct-17 00:21:47

Don't leave your children. That will hurt them so much.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:23:03

Not suicide. I’m just so bloody tired and unappreciated. But if you asked my family they’d all tell you how loved and appreciated I am and it’s all in my head. Maybe it is but I’m in tears that one person is not dismissing me tonight. Thank you for that so very much.

PurpleDaisies Mon 23-Oct-17 00:23:05

What makes you think you're fucking up your children?

Sorry you're feeling like this. flowers

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:24:14

Two people. Thank you for letting me rant.

I’m not sure why I’m bothering though.

PurpleDaisies Mon 23-Oct-17 00:25:02

Cross posted with you.

Does anyone else know just how bad you're feeling? Instead of "running away", could you take a break for a few days to clear your head? Cheap hotel, sleep, quiet? It sounds like your kids would be looked after.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:27:48

Oh, I’m not fucking them up any more than anyone else would. It’s more that anyone else could do what I do so it doesn’t matter.

I’m just sick of having to say sorry the second I’m not perfect. I totally understand it in anyone else but I’m not afforded the same courtesy. I’m treading on eggshells all the time and after 17yrs I’m too tired to fight anymore so I’m not going to bother b

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:28:37

Sorry for the random ‘b’

MayFayner Mon 23-Oct-17 00:28:47

Please don't. It would affect your DC profoundly and for ever, and I speak from experience.

MayFayner Mon 23-Oct-17 00:30:44

You don't have to stay in your relationship.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:33:57

Oh god, I know MayFayner honestly. I think deep down. I know.

I’m just tired and fed up and desperate.

I have been a sahm for 20yrs and with dharma for 17yrs and I would leave if it’s didn’t make me homeless but I’m totally stuck.

I’m well aware that my posts probably don’t make sense and I’m sorry. I’m sort of using it to make myself aware of my own situation.

I hope that makes a little sense.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:34:26

*with dh

hiddley Mon 23-Oct-17 00:34:29

It sounds like you are at the end of your tether! Believe me, please believe me that we have all been there. I have. Sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning. Then you can make plans if you're still thinking the same way. Do you think you'll be able to sleep?

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:37:46

Probably hiddley I could sleep for England right now. ..........

MayFayner Mon 23-Oct-17 00:37:53

It's a horrible feeling when you feel trapped.

But you aren't actually. You are an individual and this is your life and you can work towards what you want. Even if it takes ages you can change things to make them more in line with what you want. Don't give up.

hiddley Mon 23-Oct-17 00:38:15

Night-time is rarely a good time to make decisions in my experience. The morning might bring new options to light. You know as well as I do that the last thing you want to do is abandon your kids. Have you such luxuries as sleeping tablets? A good nights sleep could help you see things clearer. Then you can make a plan.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:40:04

God, sorry everyone. Just ignore this post. I’m very tired and I’ll ask mnhq to delete. I’m feeling a bit dramaqueenish and embarrassed. I’ll get over it, I always do.

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 23-Oct-17 00:41:18

How old are your kids?

MyDobbygotgivenasock Mon 23-Oct-17 00:41:21

Nobody could be you for your children, really.
I feel that what I'm going to say could be ill judged as I don't know the circumstances but:
If you are prepared to just go, just for the chance of escaping the negativity that has clearly really ground you down, well that will totally drop a bomb on your life. So...can you direct it instead? Are your children the people you want to get away from? It doesn't sound like it, so is it possible for you to trial a separation or stop seeing other family members, whoever it is who is making you feel so hurt and worthless. Because the results of that won't be any worse or more long lasting than running away but it might shake things up enough to get you heard (as with anything there are of course some caveats and further reasonings to consider but in general as a consideration it's worth thinking about).
It sounds like you could do with a trip to the gp too or speaking to someone about this but sometimes we feel shit for so long we become depressed and part of that healing is resolving the shit situation that caused it.
If you're going to press the button as it were then it might as well be in the way that will do most good for you, I guess is what I'm saying.
I'm really sorry you feel like this though, you don't deserve it and it can change.

JustContemplating Mon 23-Oct-17 00:41:50

I won’t do anything stupid, I promise. Thanks for responding. Dcs are with the in-laws and I have a comfy sofa.

hiddley Mon 23-Oct-17 00:41:56

Well then go to bed, turn the lights off and just relax. There is no pressure on you to do anything right now. You have all the time in the world. You might sleep well knowing that you can solve all this tomorrow. You don't have to worry about it tonight. Worry about it tomorrow.

MyDobbygotgivenasock Mon 23-Oct-17 00:43:23

Sorry, I cross posted with your updates so hadn't seen them.
You don't need to get over this, you are as important as the rest of the family.

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