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I'm scared

(84 Posts)
FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 16:10:11

Hi I had a beautiful baby boy 5.5 weeks early last week. He's home with me but I'm. Scared. I don't know why I had him early and i can't ever risk having another baby. I'm scared I'll fail him or he'll be unhappy what can I do?

FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 16:14:57

I know I cant change it now. He's here and he's amazing I just feel so sad

Heratnumber7 Sun 22-Oct-17 16:16:24

5 weeks is early, but not that early.
Have you been assessed for PND?

Fairylea Sun 22-Oct-17 16:17:45

My daughter was born 6 weeks early 14 years ago. She is now a strapping moody teen grin

5 weeks isn’t that early and if you have him home with you then they must be confident you will be okay. flowers

Lj8893 Sun 22-Oct-17 16:17:45

The fact he is home with you is brilliant and from a medical perspective he must be very well to be home already, so that's great!

I think you need to speak to somebody about how you are feeling, your midwife or gp is a good start. It could be that you are beginning to develop postnatal depression.

Congratulations on your baby boy flowers

FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 16:21:44

I don't know why it happened my pregnancy was great. My wee smelt thr day before I should have got it checked out. We took 18 months and clomid to conceive him so I'll never get the chance to be a mum again. They kept telling me he's fine bt I cant believe it

NeganLovesLucille Sun 22-Oct-17 16:23:08

It is natural to be scared when you first become a parent. I was terrified that this little baby relied on me for everything and that I just wouldn't be good enough for her. The fear does not go away, it just becomes about something else and part of your life. As they grow you worry that thet are not talking/walking/potty training at the same time as other babies. When they start school you worry about that. Then they start to go out in the world on their own and you are scared of them not being with and how they will be safe.

Mine are now fantastic teenagers. Intelligent, caring, hard working girls that I am so proud of. However, now I am scared when they go out on mopeds, driving lessons, out with their friends in town.

I'm sorry to say that fear, in my experience, is part of parenting. It does mean that you love your child- that's why you're so scared.

Saucery Sun 22-Oct-17 16:23:21

Do you have any support from the hospital? A contact from SCBU if he was in there?
What about your Health Visitor? Do tell her how you feel, she won't judge you or your feelings. You could be feeling low because he was premature or it could be PND - or a bit of both tbh! They can help you, don't be afraid to ask.
You absolutely haven't failed him, sometimes babies come early and no one knows why. A birth debriefing might help though and your maternity unit/hospital can help arrange this for you if you think it would help.
Talk about your feelings to the people around you, that can help get it all out there and make you feel less alone.
He won't be this tiny forever. Don't think about future children just yet, it's not the time for it until you have got through this bit. Any problems or worries you have about him feeding/growing etc then don't be afraid to ask health Visitor or GP.
He will not be unhappy if he is fed, clothed and loved by you, I promise.

dontcallmelen Sun 22-Oct-17 16:23:22

Hi Op five weeks is early & must be traumatic & difficult to deal with especially with hormones/emotions/tiredness. Have you spoken to your health visitor/Gp as pp could be PND which would not be surprising in the least, have you a partner/family that could help & support you with these feelings, it’s pretty normal to feel overwhelmed when you have just given birth, but no shame in feeling you have difficulty in coping with the enormity of becoming a parent, I would urge you to talk about how you are feeling & get some help quickly.

DoubleHelix79 Sun 22-Oct-17 16:27:15

Hi OP.

Firstly: I'm sure you're doing amazingly well and your baby will be thriving and happy, even if you can't see it now.

Secondly: it might be worth talking to your GP. It sounds like you may have signs of postnatal depression.

Thirdly: please ask for help from family or friends. It's really hard to have small babies, and even with my husband around full time I barely coped in the early stages. Make sure somebody takes over so you can have a long bath and a nice walk by yourself. It makes such a difference.

FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 16:28:58

Dh is supportive. He wasn't in scbu we went straight to a ward and discharged 72 hours later even though they wanted to discharge at 48 hours. I just want him to be okay

Ecureuil Sun 22-Oct-17 16:32:36

OP, I read your previous post about your little boy. Sounds like he’s doing great! I think you should have a chat to your midwife or HV about how you’re feeling. It’s perfectly normal to feel a bit panicked when you get your baby home but you’ve been through a lot and may need a bit of support.

Santawontbelong Sun 22-Oct-17 16:34:33

My ds was 5 weeks early. He was 4-12 when we took him home at a week old!! He is a very bouncy 3yo now with no ill effects if his early entrance!!
Dh was terrified of him tbh he was so tiny!!
No reason not to tell your HV you find things a bit daunting - it's normal with a wee dot for a baby to be scared!!

Saucery Sun 22-Oct-17 16:34:39

He will be ok. smile
It's a shock when your pregnancy doesn't go to plan and you're right at the stage when PND can start to creep in, so if you recognise that and seek support for it then you're doing the right thing by him.

At 5 weeks prem he was just going to finish off putting some weight on in your womb. He can do that outside it too!

What weight is he? They look impossibly small sometimes and that doesn't help the fear that they are more fragile than full term babies. Mine was a "wee dot!" according to my Dad grin but you get used to it and they grow quickly.

dontcallmelen Sun 22-Oct-17 16:35:53

Flower that’s brilliant that you have a supportive partner & sounds as though baby is very healthy & hospital were happy to discharge you both pretty quickly, so try & focus on that, rather than the negative (easier said than done I know) plus I really would urge you to approach your health visitor/Gp to talk through your anxieties before the negative thoughts/feelings really take hold 💐

AdoraBell Sun 22-Oct-17 16:47:29

I’m sure he will be fine. I remember being scared when my twins arrived 6 weeks early but just like pp, they are now full on stroppy teenagers.

Bluntness100 Sun 22-Oct-17 16:50:23

Op, you maybe have post natal depression, if then hospittal have released him it’s fine, however a traumatic birth experience is a huge indicator for PND. Speak to your gp or health visitor, whomever you can see first.💐

FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 16:55:55

He was 4lb 13oz. He's feeding ok and looks bigger

GruffaloPants Sun 22-Oct-17 16:56:07

Speak to your gp or health visitor tomorrow. Write it down or show them this thread if you need to.

I had my DD2 at 35 weeks. She's now a happy, healthy toddler. She's never had any problems due to her (very marginal) prematurity.

Spuddington Sun 22-Oct-17 17:11:51

You're doing great OP.

DD was almost 5 weeks early and although she was a bit slow to hit milestones at 20 months she's more than caught up.
Reach out to your HV for a bit of extra support and reassurance.

FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 17:22:26

He's more alert too which is good. I just want him to be safe

junebirthdaygirl Sun 22-Oct-17 17:27:52

If you find it hard to relax when he is asleep get one of those monitors for his mattress so you will know he is fine. My ds was full term 9lbs and l was terrified something would happen him. Tgere is a huge motherine instinct at play here but if its too much talk to your GP. They are used to this.

Saucery Sun 22-Oct-17 17:33:27

He will be safe, you're making sure of it. You need to be safe from those thoughts in your head too, so do talk to a health professional. They won't be shocked, they won't think you are a bad mother, they will help you and then you can get on with enjoying your little boy.

DoubleHelix79 Sun 22-Oct-17 17:35:07

I just wanted echo what previous posters have said: being terrified seems to be built into parenthood. I'm usually very confident, never really worry about anything. But the thought of something happening to my daughter scares me like nothing ever has. A small part of me is always convinced that she'll be taken from us just as easily as she arrived in our lives. I just tell that part not to be so goddamn silly and get on with feeding /nappy changing /convincing her to nap. It has definitely gotten easier.

FluffyFlowerFace Sun 22-Oct-17 17:40:05

Its hard to live in the here and now

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