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I slapped my mother in the face

(39 Posts)
PlatoOPlomo Sun 22-Oct-17 11:38:50

Just recalling the anger that consumed me in that moment makes my hands tremble. Yesterday, I slapped my mother in the face after something she said. Something I found to be very egregious.

I haven’t seen my mother in over 14 years. Last time I saw her was when I graduated from uni. I left the UK shortly after, travelled the world, working odd jobs here and there while getting as fucked up (drugs, booze) as possible. My uncle (mother’s brother) sexually abused me for a year when I was little.

I finally summoned the strength to tell my mother after 12 months, but she quashed the whole thing. She accused me of being a liar and “troublemaker.” She said she would kick me out the house if I ever said anything like that again. So I kept my mouth shut, although I assume my mother did speak to my uncle because the abuse stopped.

My mother’s cowardice didn’t just stem from callousness – but also for a love of money. My uncle (back then – that fucker’s broke now and it makes me so happy) had money and she benefitted from it.

Needless to say, the entire ordeal left me scarred. I never had therapy until I was in my late 20s. I used alcohol and drugs to escape the pain of what happened. From around age 17 to age 26, it would be rare for you to find me completely sober throughout the day and night. I would be high from some kind of substance.

My husband is the one who turned my life around. We met when I was traveling through West Africa. I was high on coke during our first meeting – looking back at the old me makes me cringe. We fell in love, married in Senegal and have two wonderful kids. He was the sole factor in me cleaning up my act – he was with me from the moments I screamed and cursed at him during a relapse, or the moments where I was drenched in sweat due to withdrawals. DH is a doctor, so he also helped a lot from a medical perspective.

I’ve been sober for 8 years now. My family and I moved back to the UK earlier in the year. I married in Senegal and that country is all my kids have known. It was difficult for them to adjust in the beginning but now they have completely settled in. My mother has been pestering me to meet my kids. Ever since what happened, I have never had a relationship with her. We met yesterday, just the two of us.

I told her the truth (something I always kept from her in the past in order to avoid conflict). I told her I wouldn’t let her within 100 miles of my kids. In her typical manner, she started shouting and screaming obscenities at me.

I slapped her. Hard. I have to say, I felt no remorse, or guilt. I know we’re supposed to take the higher road and be the bigger person in situations like this, but I have to say, it felt good.

Kattymanners Sun 22-Oct-17 11:44:09

What a heart breaking story to read.

You have come so so far in your life and achieved so much. Anyone would go off the rails in the circumstances you describe; but you've come out the other side and have a lovely family of your own now, you are not going to make the mistakes of previous generations.

I wouldn't contact your mother again... a life lived well is the best revenge.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sun 22-Oct-17 11:47:38

She's lucky all you did was slap her!! Keep her away from your kids and also from you - this woman is NOT your mother, she is an accident of birth.

PlatoOPlomo Sun 22-Oct-17 11:48:18

Thank you, Katy.

Ts27 Sun 22-Oct-17 11:55:18

So sorry to hear that you went through such a terrible thing.

Your mother should've been there for you but she was not and now she should be listening and apologising to you for not being the mother you deserved. Instead she was nasty to you when you reunited.

She sounds like she is in denial. Do you have any siblings?

You have a very good life, your kids, a loving and supportive husband and most importantly you are clean. No thanks to your mum- continue to live your life, be there for your kids and most importantly be happy.

PlatoOPlomo Sun 22-Oct-17 11:57:03

Ts27

No, no siblings at all. My "mum" had me when she was 16. I have never met my dad. For the most part, growing up, it was just me and her.

Jacana Sun 22-Oct-17 12:04:52

Just..wow! Before reading this I was prepared to write that there arenever reasons to slap someone in the face like that, but...there could be exceptions and this is one. flowers, op.
Ps - other exception I think could be to shock someone out of hysteria - if you've no bucket of water handy grin

Floellabumbags Sun 22-Oct-17 12:06:13

One piece of advice I'd give is to go completely no contact. She will use anything to get to you and that will threaten your peace of mind, mental health and recovery.

Ts27 Sun 22-Oct-17 12:07:08

I was going to suggest to speak to your siblings/family as it may help-the slap was well deserved I hope It was atleast somewhat therapeutic for you.

As for your mum, some people are not meant to be mothers.

PlatoOPlomo Sun 22-Oct-17 12:09:25

bumbags

You are right about no contact. It's something that I have done now. I'm completely done with her.

Raininspain66 Sun 22-Oct-17 12:12:45

You don't see her as a mother because she wasn't much of one. Just put her behind you and move on.
She doesn't deserve you or your dcs.
She failed youflowers

Raininspain66 Sun 22-Oct-17 12:14:53

How old were you op? When her brother done this. She is so nasty, greedy and selfish flowers

PlatoOPlomo Sun 22-Oct-17 12:17:31

I was 8 when it started.

Orangebird69 Sun 22-Oct-17 12:21:24

There's never an excuse for physical violence blah blah blah.

There is. Good for you for only slapping her. Not sure I'd have been so controlled. Go NC and try to enjoy your life without her, and with your wonderful dh and dcs flowers

Gilead Sun 22-Oct-17 12:31:05

flowers
I hit my mother when I was sixteen. It did me a favour as it stopped her from assaulting me, at least physically, again. The emotional abuse continued until I went no contact. It's been truly wonderful.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 22-Oct-17 13:11:06

Plato, I'm glad it was hard !
Walk away and never look back.🌺

seagreengirl Sun 22-Oct-17 13:29:30

No judgement from me. Move on to your new life and leave her far behind.

ohfourfoxache Sun 22-Oct-17 13:50:24

Good for you thanks

I'm not a violent person, and usually I wouldn't condone it. But reading what you went through, you should be bloody proud of yourself that you showed enough restraint for it to end at a slap.

ToadsforJustice Sun 22-Oct-17 13:55:24

Good for you. Walk away, never contact her again and live a brilliant life.

SecretLimonadeDrinker Sun 22-Oct-17 13:57:18

No judgement here.

Well done for turning you life around. Walk away and never look back. 💐

Sarahjconnor Sun 22-Oct-17 14:02:23

Well done you. 2 healthy kids, a healthy happy relationship - you ahem achieved what many say can't be done. Well done.

Don't see her, don't speak to her and don't feel guilty. Move forward positively with your husband and make you own family from here.

DH had similar experiences and has not had a relapse of drinking, aggression or any problems since going NC.

Best of luck SJC x

PlatoOPlomo Sun 22-Oct-17 14:16:46

ache

I absolutely abhor violence, too. But in that moment, all that pent up anger just came out. I think because we have not seen one another so long, she thought she could talk to me in the way she always did when I was a child. And hearing that, along with her absolute disregard and selfishness regarding what happened, I couldn't hold it in longer.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 22-Oct-17 14:25:33

Well done you.

flowers

Glad to hear you're no longer in contact.

MatildaTheCat Sun 22-Oct-17 14:28:01

I can imagine it did feel good. However, that's enough. Enough of it all. Walk away and continue to live well with no contact, no hope of reconciliation and no more headspace given to her.

Well done for turning your life around and putting an end to the misery.

ohfourfoxache Sun 22-Oct-17 14:30:05

How do you feel now Plato?

I really really hope you've got a sense of relief. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Actually I think you should be bloody proud of yourself

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