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Reservations about 2nd child

(8 Posts)
butterfly86 Sat 21-Oct-17 15:43:52

We have a 3.4 year old dd, dh is really keen to have another, I do want another and I'm not sure if I'm just over thinking it but I keep putting off starting to try. Dd came along after recurrent mc and it took 3.5 years to get her, she is so precious and we are so lucky to have her I just can't imagine loving another baby like I do her (I know everyone thinks that) I'm worried having another with spoil the relationship I have with her, I'm worried I won't cope with 2, I dread the thought of going back to sleepless nights and endless feeding etc..things are much easier now dd is more independent. On the other hand I think I'd regret not having another and really can't imagine not going through pregnancy again. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that it's normal feel like this and for stories from people who've felt like this and gone on to have another. Help!!

Jenny70 Sat 21-Oct-17 16:17:09

Definitely normal to feel like this... I found this (not sure who wrote it), and it summed up my feelings:

Jenny70 Sat 21-Oct-17 16:17:48

Loving Two

I walk along holding your little hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him--as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times---only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you--as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you---you each have your own supply.

I love you---both. And I thank you both for blessing my life

butterfly86 Sat 21-Oct-17 16:58:06

jenny70 thank you I'm crying my eyes out, that's how I know I would feel! I know my dd would adore a brother or sister she asks for one nearly every day! I'm sure it would be fine it just feels like a huge decision.

SmileSunshine Sat 21-Oct-17 17:06:39

It's natural to worry but the benefits outweigh the negatives. The newborn sleepless faze will fade and your dc will bond and in time you won't remember a time when dc2 wasn't part of your family. There will be times where you will worry you might not love a second child as much but again as you bond and they become part of your family, that fear will fade too.

KindergartenKop Sat 21-Oct-17 17:10:37

I do have a different relationship with ds2. Not a lesser one, perhaps an easier one TBH.

NapQueen Sat 21-Oct-17 17:12:04

Someone once said to me that if you light a second candle, it doesnt diminish the light from candle one. And together they make the room a whole lot brighter.

That swung it for me.

butterfly86 Sat 21-Oct-17 21:31:04

Thank you everyone at least you all have positive things to say!
Napqueen I love that!

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