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Why did you fall out?

(19 Posts)
FeralBeryl Fri 20-Oct-17 00:09:57

I’ve seen a few threads on here lately vaguely referencing ‘a friend I no longer speak to’ or ‘we fell out’ obviously also the stream of CF threads.

It got me thinking, now I’m old, I don’t think I’ve actually had a fall out with anyone like this.
Yes I have friends who have become more distant through circumstances but I could still rekindle if I wanted.
If you’ve had a proper ‘fall out’
Why? And is it resolvable?

dinnerladies Fri 20-Oct-17 00:17:15

For me it was more of a distance thing rather than a huge fallout.
My best friend was marrying someone who was horrible, controlling, so rude to her, putting her down, making her change where she went, what she wore, how she wore her hair, even the words she said!
I hated seeing her in that position so one day she came to mine and was crying about him saying how she felt trapped (used to happen quite often after a row they’d had) I told her the truth about how I felt about him and how I think she should leave him and start again.
Well the next day she made up with him as usual and she never spoke to me again. I was frozen out, not invited to the wedding. I tried to extend an olive branch and ask how a few times how wedding preparations were going or if she needed any help. I was completely blanked. Friendship gone.
I regret saying what I did as I lost a friend and i felt like I had to grieve for her not being in my life anymore. Next time I think I’ll keep my mouth shut rather than getting so invested!

FeralBeryl Fri 20-Oct-17 00:23:33

sad how sad, although that must have hurt massively, you would have struggled to maintain years more of that flowers nothing worse than someone tearing your ear off and your heart out only to expect you to be sweetness and light with their partner the next day.

See I understand that - I can see how that happened, it’s more the ‘bam’ huge arguments, what do people argue about so strongly in their middle age?
I don’t have the time to argue enough with DH, have actually scheduled a row in for tomorrow evening as too knackered to get my words out now grin

Ohwell14 Fri 20-Oct-17 00:25:22

Fell out with my brother. He wanted to do a cheap funeral when our dd died and keep the rest of the money. I refused. Spent all of it on the funeral.
Not spoken for 6 years. Not resolvable. Haven't said a single word to each other in that time.

FeralBeryl Fri 20-Oct-17 00:32:59

Oh flowers
The little shit. I understand that (completely on your part too) but that’s a family member, and a hugely important reason.
It’s more the mid 30’s/40’s women who have big fallouts with friends.
I can’t understand what it could be over, maybe I’m just a cold fish who doesn’t get involved too much with people. I do have close friends but if there are any issues, we tend to address them at the time without too much drama as we’re all so busy.
I can’t really articulate what I mean blush

intergalacticbrexitdisco Fri 20-Oct-17 00:33:01

Her husband sent me dirty texts. She thought it was ok, because 'they have an open marriage'.

FeralBeryl Fri 20-Oct-17 00:34:03

Eeeeww Disco yes that would do it. Fair play envy— not jealousy

OpenThePickles Fri 20-Oct-17 00:37:40

I fell out with a friend when she got jealous over my new relationship years ago (he's now an ex). She wouldn't speak to him on nights out, no Idea why, jealousy probably. She actually knew him before I did and said what a nice guy he was when I first got with him. Then she invited herself along on our first weekend away together, which I then cancelled because of this. Other friends then told me she was badmouthing him to all and sundry. She also got jealous over a friend I had, if I ever had a night out with this friend then she'd be all mopey. I just couldn't be bothered with the hassle any more and I cut her out.

DialsMavis Fri 20-Oct-17 00:43:53

She slept with my husband when our baby was 5 months old

OneTitWonder Fri 20-Oct-17 00:44:00

My oldest friend and I - had been friends since we were 12, so about 30 years - didn't exactly fall out, as there was no massive disagreement or big scene or anything, but we are no longer close. I haven't heard from her in months, whereas we used to be in contact daily.

She found out her partner was cheating, once he was outed I had other women he'd been on with contact me so I told my friend, as it turned out he had about 4 other women on the go simultaneously, it was horrendous. He is a slimy cunt in the extreme, who had everyone fooled for a long while. Anyway, she booted him out, it was a terrible situation as they were living with his kids and her kids, so his kids had to go with him etc, etc. My DH and I supported her through it all, it was a very rough time. Then she kind of went quiet, stopped talking about selling her house and moaning about what an arse he was, and soon twigged that they were back on. I eventually asked her outright and she admitted that she had forgiven him and he was moving back in.

I just felt exhausted by the whole thing, I said to her that I would always consider her my friend but that I couldn't support this choice so would prefer to see her on her own rather than catching up with partners for dinners etc as we used to do. She said this was fine, but clearly it wasn't as I haven't really heard from her since. I suspect she's busy keeping tabs on this arsehole because I have )% doubt that leopards do not change their spots.

It was sad but I have moved on, things change, people change, that's life.

dinnerladies Fri 20-Oct-17 00:44:38

I have another one!
Once after a good friends wedding the rest of us friends, about 15 of us, were having the wedding blues and decided to all go out for some drinks at this new place everyone had raved out. Apparently I was the one that actually said ‘oh let’s not all go home just yet, we could go out for yet some more fun!’
Anyway 10 of us went along, 2 had to go back for childcare, 2 wanted an early night and I wasn’t sure what happened to the last friend but she didn’t come out. In the kerfuffle and excitement of leaving to get to the bar I’m not sure somebody actually asked the 15th friend if she was coming or why she wasn’t.
Anyway 15th friend goes home and next day calls me to lay in to me quite badly about how I had purposefully left her out as I’ve always been jealous of her! shock
I apologised that she missed out and said it was nothing of the sort and I wasn’t chief organiser, we all just planned it and got up and left. Anyway she had it in her head that I (in this 10 mins we were discussing if we would go out or not) devised this evil plan because I’ve always hated and envied her. I did try and make her see sense but she put the phone down, blocked my phone number and hasn’t spoken to me since!

FeralBeryl Fri 20-Oct-17 00:45:02

Open do you think she’d realised she’d actually quite like him for herself** once you’d started dating?
Or maybe just a mopey Klingon grin

DingleBerries Fri 20-Oct-17 00:48:43

I fell out with a friend.

We all had babies at the same time (3 of us) within a month. Friend stuggled in the first few months to breastfeed. I helped and supported her as much as possible. As soon as her baby was about 3-4 months they were flying!

Come 5 months my baby had a pretty shite medical misfortune which change our lives
from that very second and we have been in and out of hospital ever since.
She became ‘too busy’ very quickly.
When I was on my knees I needed her and she wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I was absolutely gutted and lonely.

It lead to a huge falling out of which I’ve never forgiven her.

We meet in mutual groups now (just!) and we get along really well. It reminds me how much I loved her but I can never, ever be her proper friend again.

FeralBeryl Fri 20-Oct-17 00:57:31

Mavis shock*

* The night out one, I imagine she was super hurt and frustrated, but to target only you was ridiculous! We’ve all been separated at some point.

Another ‘get back with the dickhead’ one too. I suppose that’s more common than I thought.

BF lovely helping friend, one of my pals is going through something similar with one of her oldest friends. She’s always been there propping ‘J’ up but has had some pretty awful life traumas this past year and J is nowhere to be found unless it’s for something truly superficial.

Friendships can be as complex as romantic relationships if you let them can’t they!

OpenThePickles Fri 20-Oct-17 01:02:50

FeralBeryl

No, they'd known each other for years and he really wasn't her type, she had a particular type and was extremely picky. I think she just wanted me to be available 24/7 for her.

dinnerladies Fri 20-Oct-17 01:05:58

@FeralBeryl ex ‘friend’ really laid into me. Said a lot of stuff about my personal life and the fact that I don’t have kids so can just go out at the drop of a hat whereas she can’t. Or how my DH must be a pushover for me to randomly organise an outing without me asking if he was ok with it! I’m assuming she had her own stuff going on and unfortunately I was on the end of it. I actually said ok cool hold my hands up im sorry you missed out but she refused to have any contact with me, made it awkward for the rest of the group and then refused to come to any gathering I was at. It’s been 4 years now so I definitely think that friendship has sailed!
I was a little blush at first, now not so much

bigbluedustbin Fri 20-Oct-17 01:16:17

I fell out with a friend I lived with. One of my best friends, supposedly. She stole several expensive things from me then claimed she didn’t. She did, because I never moved them and never found them again. Asked her to move out and she stole more when she went. So yeah, no contact there.

BeachyKeen Fri 20-Oct-17 02:14:31

She had a life change, and suddenly decided everything in her life had to change, including all of her friends. It was hard, as we had been so close, but c'est la vie.

MarjorySunshineDust Fri 20-Oct-17 07:25:52

I had known her since school and we were in our mid twenties, she had a new boyfriend and convinced herself I was trying to steal him because I liked some photos of the two of them on fb and said I was looking forward to meeting him. Because he was making my friend happy not because I fancied him. She had a history of this sort of thing with another friend but it really hurt that she could think that of me. I was and still am happily married. She sent me a really horrible text the morning I started a new job and that was that, then she started bitching about me on fb🙄

More recently, another friend totally cut contact with me while I was pregnant with my second baby. She was struggling to conceive her second and I understand it was hard for her but I do really miss the friendship as we were close at one point. She is due her second in a few weeks.

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