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Do your friends without children

(50 Posts)
Mayhemmumma Thu 19-Oct-17 23:11:51

Mention your children's birthdays?

I feel quite sad that my two so called best friends rarely comment on my childrens birthdays, no card or a text- they're only little eldest is 6 so they don't know but for me it's quite a big deal and it'd be nice...this year one of them liked a Facebook photo but no further contact. I always remember their birthdays and buy cards/gifts.... (they don't have children which I know isn't necessarily the reason...)

Trills Thu 19-Oct-17 23:14:00

I don't have children.

I do recognise birthdays of my good friends children.

Not the children of more casual friends, because I wouldn't know it was their birthday.

starzig Thu 19-Oct-17 23:19:02

I only give for my 2 nieces. Nobody else, not even brother's, parent's etc... Don't care for my own either though.

Mayhemmumma Thu 19-Oct-17 23:21:25

That's just it I consider them to be close friends. It just seems one sided effort wise. I know they both want children and I can't imagine ignoring them back to make a point! You're a good friend trills.

Mayhemmumma Thu 19-Oct-17 23:22:32

I don't want anything more than a text message or card. I don't expect presents at all.

Raisedbyguineapigs Thu 19-Oct-17 23:23:34

I don't think I would expect even my friends with children to remember my children's birthdays unless I mentioned it. The only people who I would expect to remember their birthdays are their grandparents and their aunts and uncles. I buy gifts for my friends without children, and they get me a gift and a card, but I wouldn't expect them to get a card for my children or a gift.

MsAwesomeDragon Thu 19-Oct-17 23:26:24

I barely even remember my own DC's birthdays (not really, but I'm not far off, I forgot dh's birthday this year until the actual day). I don't expect my friends to remember my DC's birthdays, unless they've got dcs themselves who are invited to the party.

Trills Thu 19-Oct-17 23:29:20

To be fair there are only a handful to remember at the moment, if I had lots of friends with lots of children I probably wouldn't remember so well.

Ummmmgogo Thu 19-Oct-17 23:30:43

no. but my friends with children wouldnt remember either. a lot of people don't consider birthdays to be a big deal outside of the immediate family they aren't trying to upset you xx

BackforGood Thu 19-Oct-17 23:34:09

I struggle to remember my nieces, nephews, and God Children's birthdays - there is no way I have the capacity in my brain to remember the birthdays of friends' dcs' shock

sourpatchkid Thu 19-Oct-17 23:35:13

I remembered all of my friends children’s birthdays before I had kids

Mayhemmumma Thu 19-Oct-17 23:36:24

Ok that helps. I didnt want you all to say they're being intentionally unkind. I will truly value and appreciate my friends (with children - coincidence perhaps) who have made lots of effort today, with no party etc to prompt them.

formerbabe Thu 19-Oct-17 23:37:40

Only one of my friends remembers every year. The rest only remembered their first birthdays.

BossyBitch Thu 19-Oct-17 23:39:37

There are literally only two birthdays that I can even remember: one's my mother's and the other one is that of an ex boyfriend. The latter is entirely due to the fact thay it happens to coincide with Christmas day.

Dustbunny1900 Thu 19-Oct-17 23:49:18

Are they just bad at remembering birthdays/don't get all the fuss about birthdays generally?

My friends will send a "happy birthday (child's name)!" Over fb or text. No gifts or anything, but if they are aware it's their birthday they definitely say something.
obviously my friends w/ kids realize my kids bday date more important to me than my own and are more quick to mention it, they probably figure the kids are too young to care and it's NBD.

SheffieldStealer Fri 20-Oct-17 01:04:41

I remember my nieces and nephews birthdays, and my godchildren but friends' children's birthdays aren't even on my radar, sorry.

Do you remember your friends' partners' birthdays?

ZaphodBeeblerox Fri 20-Oct-17 09:00:25

I remember because I put it in a calendar, but tbh it feels odd remembering the birthday of a little one unless I was invited to a party or something. But v few of my friends have kids - maybe that'll change.
As someone who doesn't have children yet it also feels like I'd be either inviting myself or be pressed into service at a birthday party if I did.

SheffieldStealer Fri 20-Oct-17 09:12:29

I will truly value and appreciate my friends (with children - coincidence perhaps) who have made lots of effort today, with no party etc to prompt them.

This is a bit snarky, I think. Your friends who have kids are in that mindset already - they feel their own children's birthdays are important, and so treat their mum-friends' children's birthdays as important because they'd like some reciprocation. They'll also be going to lots of excitable 6 year olds parties!

Friends who don't have children have to make a conscious effort to remember that stuff. And some will, to make you happy if you make a big deal about the friends who 'really care' as opposed to everyone else while others will show their friendship to you in other ways.

Branleuse Fri 20-Oct-17 09:14:55

no they dont. Not even friends WITH children do usually, unless specifically invited to the birthday party

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Fri 20-Oct-17 09:18:20

Nope. But I wouldn't expect them to. I don't really do birthdays (except for my kids).

Notonthestairs Fri 20-Oct-17 09:22:07

No they don't - and actually neither do my friends with kids - unless they've been invited round. They might stick a quick message on FB if I've posted something. But I wouldn't expect them to.

davidbyrneswhitesuit Fri 20-Oct-17 09:30:51

Erm, I think your expectations are a bit high! I wouldn't expect anyone except aunts, uncles and grandparents to remember my kids' birthdays.

It's nothing to do with them having kids - this just isn't the level of detail that most people keep track of in their friends' lives. Friends' birthdays, yes, but not their kids' as well.

I'd advise a step back; seems a bit unusual to feel so cross about this that you're calling them "so-called best friends"!

applebags Fri 20-Oct-17 09:32:50

You say you always remember their birthdays and buy cards/gifts - do they do the same for you? The way I see it is that they're friends with you, not your children. If they don't bother about your birthday that's one thing but it's a bit precious if you feel they should give cards and presents to your kids too.

An acquaintance of mine drunkenly said to me at Christmas "you didn't say happy birthday to [my daughter] on Facebook!" and seemed genuinely insulted. I'd never met her daughter, she's about 3 and wouldn't care whether I said happy birthday to her or not!

Luxembourgmama Fri 20-Oct-17 09:34:05

I'd invite my close friends over for some of the birthday cake so that would remind them. Otherwise unless I mentioned it i wouldn't expect them to remember.

Mayhemmumma Fri 20-Oct-17 12:51:36

OK maybe I was over emotional last night! I don't know, it's not everyone just two friends in particular who I see often, they see Facebook stuff so they do know.. but don't seen to acknowledge when we're talking about other things....i do acknowledge their partners birthdays via text or Facebook yes.

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