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Anyone else struggle with this?

(5 Posts)
PolkaDottyRose Wed 18-Oct-17 13:31:11

Apologies in advance, you WILL think I am stupid.

DH does shift work, usually 2 days, 2 nights, then 4 days off , sometimes more time on, less off, just depends.

When he is working I am fine. I can motivate myself, do housework etc. House is far from perfect, but it's not dirty, and it's well decorated/maintained etc.

But, when he is off I just lose the will to do anything. Housework goes out the doesn't get dirty, but does get untidy..dishes/washing are done, but thats it. Quite often I sit around feeling bad that I haven't done anything, just waiting for him to be on duty again. He isn't any more motivated than me in this one respect.

This isn't about the two of us in any other way - we are a great team in every other respect, and very happy. We just aren't good at motivating each other to be "doers" on his days off.

Its not even about him really, its understandable that he doesn't want to do much on his time off..he has had a career where he worked very hard, long hours..current job is not physically hard, but the shifts are long and the sleep disruption is massive, which really takes its he is older now, and that takes a toll too.

I have no job, so I have no reason to be like this..I do get up very early on the days he works (4:30 or 5ish) so that I can make him a coffee before work, or give him peace to sleep if he has been on nights, but that's it really.

I have zero reason to be so unmotivated on his days off, but I am.

Anyone else struggled with this or have an answer to it?

IJustGotHitByADeer Wed 18-Oct-17 21:55:40

I think I sort of get what you mean. I find housework impossible on days when DH is home such as weekends or occasional working from home days (he's usually 9-5, Monday to Friday). Mostly because I do things a certain way and have a routine when cleaning and tidying, I'm far more efficient on my own.

I work very flexibly - 6 hours a week, 1 hour per week is always office based and the rest varies. Maybe that's relevant. I'm used to having the house mostly to myself

Would love to know how to sort this out.

sidesplittinglol Wed 18-Oct-17 22:44:45

I think I know what you mean too. I seem to be more efficient when DH is at work and stick to my routine but when he's here I don't seem to be able to. It's strange.

PolkaDottyRose Thu 19-Oct-17 04:48:05

Thank you! It's like I have some sort of mental block to tidying up when he is in the house..but when I am alone I can zoom around and get everything done.I was the same when he worked Monday to Friday, but it's more obvious now that the time off is longer. This inertia sets in that I just can't shake off..but it lifts as soon as he goes back to work. Its very frustrating, and obviously my fault, but I don't know how to escape from it.

MrsOverTheRoad Thu 19-Oct-17 04:52:19

I work very part time from home and DH works long hours in a physically demanding job so I do all the housework.

When he's here it's hard to do anything!

But we've recently been gardening together. We've found a new hobby that we can do together which actually improves the house! Well...the grounds.

We do it for hours! All saturday and sunday and if we get invited anywhere then we think Bah! grin

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