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Lonely, sore and desperate to go home

(50 Posts)
shouldnthavesaid Wed 18-Oct-17 09:44:42

I'm trying very much not to.

I've got no classes at all this week at uni except a 2 hour tutorial on Thursday and NHS uniform fitting.. nothing else at all. I've been trying to catch up on work where possible but its not much fun writing lecture notes out all day every day. No essays or anything due.

I considered going home to Mum but that would be £40 - £60 , and I've just done a big food shop too so not a good idea to tear off I imagine.

I've been trying hard with my flatmates and they're lovely. We spent Saturday in St Andrews, have been cooking meals together, going to Starbucks etc. They're lovely. One said last night she's cooking tonight's tea for us so that's good.

I've emailed someone from home last week and she hasn't replied so I'm guessing she no longer wants contact. I'm picturing her laughing hoping I'll give up eventually.

Tummy pain is persistent - 24/7. GP surgery said they are pretty sure it's made worse by anxiety. Gave me 30/500 cocodamol reluctantly which works but makes me fuzzy and sick and feel like I want to spend all day sleeping. Spent most of yesterday in bed which isn't like me.

Texted my aunty nearby to see if I can come over for the day and they're working/at school but she did say shes very proud of me. Other nearby family on holiday. My dad is only 10 miles away but he hasnt asked to see me or texted, I don't think hes interested. We haven't seen each other since 1999.

I just want to sit and talk to someone in real life who has the time to listen. Theres a university counselling service but they will only see you a maximum of 6 times per semester .. I don't want to use that up too early. GP surgery don't have the time , they don't even look at me when I go there or talk to me really, just sit and type on the computer . I felt very awkward and didn't know what to do if I should just talk and hope they were listening or what.

They did tell me to go get a contraceptive implant for my periods and when I phoned the clinic they said they could help me with tummy pain possibly. Have a counselling service there so I was hoping that might be of help.

I'm sorry for moaning , just lying in bed feeling overwhelmed by the thought of another 4 days of this sad

cjt110 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:46:24

Can you pack up your food and take it home to Mums with you?

building2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:49:44

Hello shouldnt thank you for posting and reaching out to us here. You've been so brave making this new start and it is always difficult in the first term. I was regularly so so miserable at university. It is very lonely. It is all so new and you don't have anyone you know around you.

I wouldn't go home, tbh. It is expensive and will make you doubt your decision when you worked do hard to overcome those doubts.

Horrible to be in pain. flowers

I have spent many lonely days in bed with illness and highly recommend spending a bit of time on www.reddit.com/r/aww

youmeandconchitawurst Wed 18-Oct-17 10:05:57

It's a bugger feeling crap when you're away from home isn't it? If you're up to date on work can I suggest you go and join the local library, get a few books out then head back to bed and indulge yourself in trash fiction? Escapism guaranteed, and I always found it felt a wee bit like a "home" thing to do, without having to get on a train. Sometimes it's nice to step out of the uni bubble. Don't fash about people from home not getting back to you immediately-life is hectic and their schedule might just mean that they're in peak essay crisis this week. Try to take care of yourself. flowers

ChilliMum Wed 18-Oct-17 10:08:03

I am assuming you have just started at uni?

If so, in the kindest possible way I think you should try to tough it out or home will become your default strategy when things are not good which might make things more difficult in the long run.

Firstly you need a plan and some coping strategies.

You have a tutorial tomorrow, do you need to prepare; reading to do / a list of questions you want to ask?

You are making plans with your house mates which is great. Can you offer to cook one night? Plan a menu and use up some of your mass shop?

If your auntie is working during the day, can you arrange to go over in an evening? Maybe after your tutorial tomorrow and spend the evening with them?

Have a look at your timetable when is your next gap in lectures, can you book a ticket home for then so you have something to look forward to?

What do you enjoy? What can you loose yourself in? Do you have a favourite book? I used to read pride and prejudice at uni, it was my favourite book in my teens and when I felt homesick I could easily loose myself in the book and had the advantage of familiarity and reminding me of home which helped a lot.

Don't worry too much about your friend who has not replied, people's lives can get all kinds of crazy at different times and she might just be busy or not realise how much you needed her reply right now. Give her a chance and send another email - if you know when you might be home next you can suggest a meet up.

I know it's hard but you will get there. If you think the councelling serice will help don't save it until things get worse talk to them as soon as possible and the same at the clinic for contraception. I suffered badly with period pain also and had the injection through uni - no periods no pain smile

Once you start working through your problems you will be very surprised how fast the next 4 days will pass.

Good luck.

shouldnthavesaid Wed 18-Oct-17 10:52:00

Yes, not long started - think this is my 5th or 6th week (can't remember). I've been home a couple of times and coming back was very difficult to do. So that's why I'm avoiding it, I need to make this feel like home. I've got another 3 years after all..

I will cook something yes, they're all from other countries so need to do something Scottish although not too much.

I have got some reading I can do, I've also got 3 more psychology lectures to write up the notes for and need to go through some of the anatomy stuff from Monday.

Aunty said she will check diary and arrange something soon, not sure if they are happy about evenings but will see. I'm only 10 minutes away by train so that's good.

Will pop down to the counselling department today, I've to get there for 12.40 so will leave here at about 12.30 or so, it's barely a 5 minute walk.

I do love reading , have quite a few new novels , and I love crafty stuff - I usually do a lot of scrapbooking although have none of that here. I did think about getting the bus up to shops and going past hobbycraft, seeing if there's something I could do. Got Netflix, skygo and Spotify too so not stuck for ideas there. American flatmate is horrified that I've never watched Poldark, Sherlock , and various other things!

I've got a weekend planned for mid November but that's to see ex work friends , for a dance/Christmas meal. To be honest I need to sort out an outfit for that . Also need to get my hair done.. so there is quite a list. The university suggested I contact local charities and ask if they'd like a volunteer , I did wonder about that. Also been suggested to try and get on nursing banks to get some extra pennies. So there is stuff to do beyond sitting moping around, its just finding the motivation. Certainly the codeine induced sleepiness isn't helping me there.

building2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:58:32

Um, you definitely need to get yourself a date with Netflix! I suggest watching a comedy or sitcom when you get back from the counselling service. They've got Blackadder, Fawley Towers, Gavin and Stacey, Arrested Development, the IT Crowd, The Good Place... You have a world of laughter waiting to strengthen you smile

RB68 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:58:33

Maybe a walk out and some fresh air followed by a couple of charity shops to check out evening wear - they will be starting to put it out soon ready for the party season.

I react the same to codeine. If its period pains try naproxen if standard ibuprofen don't work. I found that out when I had a bad back and they prescribed that and found it very effective without the sleepineess.

building2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:59:19

Oh, also, 5th week blues is definitely a thing. They told us that when I was at uni and it is so true. Nourish and nurture yourself through this bit.

building2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 11:04:28

www.grb.uk.com/blog/how-to-survive-the-fifth-week-blues

babybat Wed 18-Oct-17 11:15:15

Are you at the University of St Andrews? It looks like there's a volunteering office www.st-andrews.ac.uk/students/involve/volunteering/ - you could get in touch with them and see if there's anything you can get involved in. I found volunteering really helped me when I was going through a difficult time; sometimes it can help to just have something to look forward to and a reason to get up and leave the flat.

authhapp Wed 18-Oct-17 12:20:01

What are you studying? Once you get a bit further in you will have more work to keep you occupied, and probably meet more people from your course! You said you have a uniform fitting so I'm guessing you'll also have placements? Soon you'll be too busy to be homesick!! Do see if you can join any clubs that will allow you to meet people with similar interests as well smile

cestlavielife Wed 18-Oct-17 12:34:14

Join a uni society I am sure there is something.. and pursue the volunteering

It s early days and you won't be the only one ..use the counselling now

picklemepopcorn Wed 18-Oct-17 12:43:12

It's lovely that you are so close with your family and home that you miss them! I know it's hard, but you'll get the hang of it. Things will get busier, and before you know it you won't have time to be homesick. Perhaps there is an animal shelter you can help at. Pets are great to chat to! There is likely to be a church 'chat shop' of some kind- a community coffee morning or drop in place for people to be sociable. And of course there is always us!

shouldnthavesaid Wed 18-Oct-17 14:40:27

Its Strathclyde uni in Glasgow, just went to st Andrews for a wee day trip. Although they have a volunteering office here too smile

I went down to the university for counselling & they were too busy sad told me to come back tomorrow instead and they could hopefully see me. Its a drop in system first come forst served.

GP surgery wrote me a letter asking me to make an appointment following contact with nhs 24 at the weekend so will do that too. Although don't see the benefit but will go.

I never thought of animals.. I miss my own dog very much. Will have a wee look online and see what there is smile

missjulia Wed 18-Oct-17 14:51:35

How far away is your mum's? Are there any clubs or societies you like the look of? I'm sure it wouldn't be too late to join something, sometimes having a bit of a like minded community helps although it is tough at the start

shouldnthavesaid Wed 18-Oct-17 20:28:15

She's about 145 miles away, 2 hours 20 on the train/bus.. £60 return on train and £40 on the bus.

I've had a good afternoon, I did my laundry and finished writing up lecture notes for one module I was very behind in so that's good.

Society wise.. I've joined the Feminist Soc grin. A classmate took me to CU but that was awful (sorry to anyone who would enjoy that) , I am a confirmed catholic but whole thing felt very far removed from that. I would like to do a sport, but very inexperienced and would be starting as a beginner. I'd like to try horseriding, but I'm dyspraxic - don't know if they'd have me !

I'd love to START a society - like a craft group , but I don't really know enough people.

After Christmas all my flatmates are leaving as they're all on exchange programmes so that's playing on my mind.

Spoken to my mum a few times on the phone. One of the uni counsellors emailed me and said if I can't be seen tomorrow to email back and they will endeavour to see me asap. That's reassuring. I'm constantly low level anxious and wishing it would go!

HellonHeels Wed 18-Oct-17 20:38:52

You're doing well shouldn't! Is the CU the Christian union? I think they can be on the evangelical end of the spectrum. Could you go to mass at a local church? Not so much for company but to get some stillness/spiritual rest?
Do check out the sports societies, there will be some out to recruit beginners.

Kaykee Wed 18-Oct-17 21:06:50

Where is home? I’m in Stirling so not far away, but Glasgow is amazing lots of free galleries etc try and keep busy but know what it’s like to miss family, I studied in edinburgh and moved from near Inverness so I was very homesick for ages. But once I’d made friends and got out there it all settled down.

If your tummy pain is anxiety co codamol won’t do much at all except make you feel yuk. I get this bad if I’m stressed or worried Hope you find someone to speak to, problem shared and all that.
Netflix and nibbles sounds good am off to do that myself
Hope things improve x

kernowgal Wed 18-Oct-17 21:09:41

If you like animals, you could get in touch with the Cinnamon Trust to see if they need anyone locally - they need people to walk dogs belonging to elderly, sick or terminally ill people.

www.cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/

I can still remember how miserable I was during my first term at uni. I was in a house share rather than halls and I was so lonely. It was made worse at the end of that year when my housemates all decided to live together but excluded me. I ended up answering an ad for a housemate nearby and found an amazing group of people, almost all of whom I'm still in touch with now. Had the time of my life from then on.

Give it time, as hard as it seems. I regret not doing more in the way of sport, or at least joining a walking society. But given I was out raving every weekend, I'm not sure how often I would have joined in...

All the best, and keep checking in here.

HermionesRightHook Wed 18-Oct-17 21:21:22

I think the advice to stick it out is wise. I know you're really sleepy but could you try a couple of low key touristy things? There's a beautiful gallery in Glasgow, I think it's free.

If you have to study, try a different uni library for a change of scene - you could make it a mission to find the nicest one to you? Google the SCONUL access scheme and you'll be able to get into all the local ones (also all the non local ones). I know it's not the funnest thing but it's distracting and basically educational.

Caulk Wed 18-Oct-17 21:25:57

If you’re not 19 yet you can speak to Childline. Other than them, you can visit the Samaritans in person.

Blankiefan Wed 18-Oct-17 22:03:58

If you're looking for some volunteering you can dip in and out of, have you thought of park run? They need people to Marshall runs every Saturday morning. There's a real sense of community with it and everyone LOVES the volunteers. Not uni related but might be a distraction.

building2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:40:31

If CU not your thing but you are Catholic, I would try to find a biggish Catholic church and go to mass on Sunday. Then you can have something familiar and a bit social (but you can leave straight after if you want).

Well done making it through today.

picklemepopcorn Thu 19-Oct-17 07:00:06

Cinnamon trust is a great idea- you may well get to chat with someone who is a bit isolated, too.

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