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...and the award for the worst school run ever goes to me (TMI ⚠!)

(70 Posts)
OhBigHairyBollocks Tue 17-Oct-17 18:12:39

Met new childminder at school. Merrily chatting with her waiting for DD so we could introduce her to the teacher as she will be doing school pick ups. DS wanders off with keys and childminders charge.
Met the teacher, all fine, arrange to go back to childminders house.
Get DS in the pram, start walking the 15 min walk back to the car.
Suddenly start to feel a bit dicky and have a bad attack of diarrhoea while walking. 😷
Get to the car. no fucking keys. Shop opposite wouldn't let me use the loo so had to walk the 15 minute back to school so I could get the keys.
Thankfully found that the memorial hall toilets (next door to school) were open so ditched the underwear and cleaned myself up in front of DD (who is by now asking why mummy has pooed her pants VERY LOUDLY)
Then had to put my trousers back on (somehow they escaped poogate) and then had to break into the school playground to go in hunt for my keys. Eventually a TA helped me and found them down the back of a sofa in their little play house.
Walked back to the car. Home for a shower.

I feel grim. Please, please, please tell me that that is as bad as it ever gets.

stopbeingadramallama Tue 17-Oct-17 18:14:52

I’m sorry but I can’t stop laughing 😂😂😂

Scoleah Tue 17-Oct-17 18:18:37

😂 that made me laugh (I’m in a gymnastics parents waiting room and it’s silent) hope your feeling better OP flowers

OhBigHairyBollocks Tue 17-Oct-17 18:53:55

It was like some hideous sketch show. I was half chuckling at myself for what a predicament id got myself into and alternately dying at the risk of meeting another mum. The smell 😷

spiderlight Tue 17-Oct-17 19:15:23

Oh God, you poor poor thing! That surely has to be as bad as anything ever gets!!! I am dying a little bit inside for you.

OhBigHairyBollocks Tue 17-Oct-17 22:06:03

Come on mumsnet. Someone must have outdone me....

MrsHathaway Tue 17-Oct-17 22:11:52

At the risk of alerting the poo troll, I've had very similar.

Only there was no paper in the toilet, so I had to use the discarded knickers for clearing up purposes, then ditch them. All the while hoping the automatic motion-sensor light won't click off. Then try to walk home pushing pram and buggy board. Eight-minute walk. Didn't make it. Had to dip into corner shop for further misery. Still not quite sure how I got home confused or in fact ever dared leave the house again.

ItsLeviosah Tue 17-Oct-17 22:19:44

Not School run related but poop related and probably more embarrassing...
This is my friend who this happened to- I promise- not “a friend” wink.

At a big posh wedding in the church awaiting the bride, she went to let out a ‘fart’ and instead ‘followed through’ And out splatted runny poo down her leg and onto the church floor. She couldn’t move as she was in the middle of the long church pew surrounded by strangers. She said she just stood on it and ignored the smell and hoped she would die.

Always makes me laugh when I think of poo running down her leg in a church. (She was commando just to add insult to injury)

OhBigHairyBollocks Tue 17-Oct-17 22:27:56

Oh its that really IS worse. I at least didnt have company.

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:31:57

My friend (honest!) once shat herself whilst driving...her new boyfriend was in the passenger seat and his dad in the back shock

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Tue 17-Oct-17 22:34:17

Amazed at lack of biscuit so far

Haudyerwheesht Tue 17-Oct-17 22:38:41

Not me but even so .... had toddler ds and baby dd in town - dd shat all up her back through all her clothes so I stripped her off and chucked it all in the bin in the public loos because it was all soaked. Went into changing bag - no clothes and no nappies - ds had used them for his teddies at home. Had to carry dd through town wrapped in my coat and naked to buy some nappies and clothes and she pissed all down my arm.

bananafanana1 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:42:34

Oh dear op sadly I can beat that. In town with friends in a lovely beige dress in the middle of a very busy street. Basically running down my legs. Horrific. Ended up buying a whole new outfit and telling everyone my dress ripped. confused

KeepItAsItIs Tue 17-Oct-17 22:45:47

I'm never sure why people need to hear other's gross stories like this....

NextIndia Tue 17-Oct-17 22:47:24

Lol @ Haud grin

just5morepeas Tue 17-Oct-17 22:48:19

why would you share these stories . . .

HateSummer Tue 17-Oct-17 22:49:14

You were chuckling to yourself whilst you had an attack of diarrhoea and did an arse full of shit in your pants? confused
Chuckling would’ve been the last thing on my mind if I ever found myself in that predicament.

bettydraper31 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:49:17

Haudyerwheesht that's amazing!!! 🤣🤣🤣

MsJamesDeanBradfield Tue 17-Oct-17 22:51:39

hmm

BayLeaves Tue 17-Oct-17 22:53:20

KeepItAsItIs and just5morepeas did you never read the "embarrassing stories" pages in teen magazines?!

I used to be addicted to them. IIRC, Bliss magazine used to have about 5 different embarrassing stories pages, each dedicated to a different category of embarrassment - boys/sex, bodily functions, etc... grin

bettydraper31 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:54:15

Mines not poo but pee related.

Really bad snow a few years ago, stuck in car for ten hours middle lane of motorway therefore no escape. Snow a good foot high. Didn't want to pee on seat of car so found an old jumper on the back seat and just weed on that instead. Had to have it in the car for remainder of horrendous journey and managed to throw it in outside bin when I got home before DH saw.

Traumatised. Not shared that with a soul.

HeyRoly Tue 17-Oct-17 22:54:17

Amazing that you had a bad attack of diahorrea and your trousers stayed perfectly clean. That was lucky, eh?

bettydraper31 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:54:59

I repeat- TEN HOURS.

KrytensNanobots Tue 17-Oct-17 22:55:57

Poo troll again? Yawn if so.

lljkk Tue 17-Oct-17 22:56:28

Good for you that you can laugh about it, OP. smile

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