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Over familiar colleague on night out

(12 Posts)
Itsanofromme Sun 15-Oct-17 19:23:03

I was on a night out with work on Friday. A male colleague of mine was very drunk, and on several occasions throughout the night he made me feel really uncomfortable with his over familiarity. He was speaking to me about sexual stuff, felt my legs, and then sloppily kissing my head and telling me that I was some woman and that he loved me.

His wife was there.

I don't think I did anything to invite this.

How should I handle it when I see him again?

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 15-Oct-17 19:28:35

Report him to management. It is sexual harassment if on a work do.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 15-Oct-17 19:30:50

Gross! Did you tell him to leave you alone? What did his wife do?

Itsanofromme Sun 15-Oct-17 19:34:57

I'm reluctant to report it to management as my manager and colleague are friends, have worked together for years and have a romantic history.

His wife didn't seem to take notice. I think.

I told him to stop feeling me up and when he was saying he loves me etc I told him that he was very drunk.

I'm ashamed to say I took the minimising, I'll just laugh it off approach at the time.

bananafanana1 Sun 15-Oct-17 19:46:34

I've had this too. I moved away and avoided him during the evening. He called the next day to apologise for being a twat.

I've had it before and it crept into work i.e. Once the night out ended and back at work he kept trying it on. I chose to report 'unofficially' to my manager, she logged it with HR and I requested it wasn't taken any further at this stage. It eventually stopped, In your case I'd log it with HR and take it further if he tries it on again. But ultimately it's up to you.

Itsanofromme Sun 15-Oct-17 19:49:59

I want to say something, but I am a bit of an outsider at my work and I feel this will contribute to that further. I almost feel responsible... maybe I was being too flirty?

BitOfANameChange Sun 15-Oct-17 19:54:59

Don't blame yourself for someone else's behaviour. It's not you, it's him.

bananafanana1 Sun 15-Oct-17 20:50:43

You're not responsible- some people just turn into major dicks when they've had a drink. Hope you're ok

Kattymanners Sun 15-Oct-17 20:53:21

He was in the wrong not you.

Timefortea99 Sun 15-Oct-17 20:55:07

You weren't being too flirty. Drunken lechy chancer.

tallwivglasses Sun 15-Oct-17 21:35:56

You reacted the way you did because women are conditioned to please men and not make a fuss. It's not your fault at all! I'd just be icy and keep my distance from now on. Hopefully he'll realise he was a twat.

Itsanofromme Tue 17-Oct-17 00:20:01

Thank all. I spoke with my husband about it today. I felt so embarrassed telling him, and was worried that he would think I had encouraged it in some way. Thankfully, he was the wonderful man I know and love and made no judgements of me whatsoever. He did have a few choice words about the colleague.

Isn't it horrible how common this is for women? I don't have enough fingers to count how many times I have been harassed.

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