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Bully sent an 'apology' text

(72 Posts)
Rocksyluv Sat 14-Oct-17 17:58:34

DC was bullied relentlessly for months, there is still low level bullying, but the bully has moved on to another victim unfortunately. The other victims family are going after the jugular, taking legal advice etc, they know about the history with our DC and apparently, as the school are now being more transparent, there were other victims with other families involved.

Our DC is severely traumatised still, school were pretty ineffective during the worst of it, but now that they have another, very vocal, victim they are getting tough (bully still not expelled though).

Today DC has received a message from bully, apologising saying that there is no hate against DC, sorry for the things which were said and lets meet to discuss. Interestingly this kids usual text messages are peppered with foul language, the apology is very clean. So clearly an effort at damage limitation, now that the heat is on.

I have told DC this is the opportunity to grab back power and to let loose with whatever DC wants to say, however DC is reluctant to respond at all, just wants to ignore it and delete it. I am itching to write a response.

Am I wrong to want DC to not ignore, ultimately it will be DC decision.

LittleLights Sat 14-Oct-17 17:59:30

Or it's a trap

LittleLights Sat 14-Oct-17 18:00:20

If they want to nest and discuss it gets done in school with teachers present.

Shakey15000 Sat 14-Oct-17 18:00:24

I'd say your DC would hold more "power" by ignoring.

LittleLights Sat 14-Oct-17 18:00:31

Meet and discuss

NumbNelly Sat 14-Oct-17 18:01:02

Do not respond. If another family are seeking legal advice you responding badly to this text could give the bully's family ammo.
I'd just delete and block. There's nothing to gain from replying

Kattymanners Sat 14-Oct-17 18:01:19

This sounds awful and I'm sorry but I don't have any good advice, but I'm sure someone will be along soon who does.

My only advice is to not respond straightaway. Sit on your fingers overnight at least !

LandofTute Sat 14-Oct-17 18:03:43

I think your dd is right to ignore it

firawla Sat 14-Oct-17 18:05:20

Ignore is better but don’t delete just keep it in case needed later for any reason

loobylou10 Sat 14-Oct-17 18:05:21

Ignore -

JoanneCoften Sat 14-Oct-17 18:09:31

If DC wants to ignore then ignore.
If there is still bullying going on, albeit a different victim, then the bully has not changed at all. Responding to the text could put power back to the bully.
Delete and block.

AlternativeTentacle Sat 14-Oct-17 18:12:59

Luke, it's a trap!

The only response would be 'and what bullying would that be exactly?'

But no, probably no response at all is better.

LapdanceShoeshine Sat 14-Oct-17 18:14:34

If the language is so different is it actually from a parent?

Certainly save but ignore (& good luck flowers)

Rocksyluv Sat 14-Oct-17 18:17:21

My initial reaction also was to ignore, but having thought about it, I feel that it will be a case of 'I tried to make apologise but was ignored', whereas if DC can say, ' No , I do not want to meet with you, I don't care that you are sorry, you are a bully and that hasn't changed, do not contact me again'

eddielizzard Sat 14-Oct-17 18:18:18

probably not written by bully but a parent. i would be inclined to ignore. i don't think meeting the bully is necessarily a good idea.

Eppia Sat 14-Oct-17 18:19:01

Your DC is absolutely right! Nothing to discuss. Ignore, ignore. I agree meeting or even responding risks giving power back to the bully.

RandomMess Sat 14-Oct-17 18:19:17

I'd be tempted to reply with "which things that you said are you apologising for" I would be wanting an admission in writing....

It sounds as though the parents are trying damage limitation?

Slimthistime Sat 14-Oct-17 18:19:18

OP "No , I do not want to meet with you, I don't care that you are sorry, you are a bully and that hasn't changed, do not contact me again'"

I'd take out the middle, just say "no I don't want to meet with you - don't contact me again".

I'd probably add "like EVER" but your DC is probably less childish grin

Fluffypinkpyjamas Sat 14-Oct-17 18:19:54

Agreed OP, great reply and certainly do not meet up!

dustarr73 Sat 14-Oct-17 18:21:39

Dont meet the bully and hand over the text to whoever is dealing withe other victim.The are trying to to get your dc o to the bullys side.

Ignore the text,

diddl Sat 14-Oct-17 18:27:19

How/why does this bully still have a victim's number?

Ignoring sounds best to me.

How would your child "letting loose" be taking back power?

Josiah Sat 14-Oct-17 18:27:26

Agree with others, do not respond to that text.

If anything I would get your child a new number so that bully cannot contact them.

Even if a sincere apology was sent, which this clearly isn't, it's just a reminder to your child of that bully.

What I would do is write an impact statement with your child on one A4 sheet and give a copy to the school and the other parent of the other victim so they can give to their legal representative.

I would also write a letter from yourself to the school that states your anger and disappointment that in the light of other victims that the school had not expelled the bully.

troodiedoo Sat 14-Oct-17 18:30:34

Your dd is right to ignore.she should have as little interaction as possible with the bully.

silkpyjamasallday Sat 14-Oct-17 18:33:23

Ignore ignore ignore, as pp have said it may well be from the parents of said bully rather than the bully themselves. Plus if there may be legal action you don't want to give them anything that they could use in their favour.

My friend had a text from a girl who bullied her at school (the bully started endless rumours and spread lies about my friend to the point she left school to escape) wanting to meet up and clear the air, she had her parents call my friends parents and really pressured her into meeting up, when they met the bully basically tried to get my friend to apologise to her because once my friend had moved schools the rest of the pupils realised what the bully had done, and rightly shunned her. Apparently the last few years of school with no friends really affected her and she had to have therapy. Bully then had a full on tantrum in the cafe because my friend wouldn't apologise to her and she had proved she was just as vile as she had always been.

Bullies don't change in my opinion, and as such there is no point allowing them to feel better about themselves by accepting their empty apologies.

ThursdayLastWeek Sat 14-Oct-17 18:34:09

I’d be all for the moral high ground. 'Thanks but no thanks' type reply.

Under no circumstances would I let my DC meet up with the bully unless I or a teacher were there AND my DC actually wanted to.

There’s no way I’d let my DC feel the anxiety and fear leading up to such a meeting just to help the bully assuage their guilt and/or minimise their actions.

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