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Just a few friendly words and maybe some advice - DD only just 10 got her period :(

(63 Posts)
QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 12:39:40


I don't post often these days but feeling a bit, well upset to be honest, DD1 just got her period, she was only 10 last month. I thought it might be early as she's tall but was hoping for more time than this.

She didn't tell me, I found out from blood in her PJs, so she wasn't hiding it either. She has been very "teenagey" for the 18 months or so (up and down with hormones, wanting to spend time on her own rather than playing with her sister, I am the most embarrassing person ever grin) but still I thought we had more time, a few months at least. She was very reticent but essentially she just went and got a pad from my room and got on with it.

It just feels like she's so young and she won't talk to me - when I said " I'll find you some bags you don't want to flush them down the loo" she rolled her eyes and said "I know!" and anyway it turned out she'd wrapped them in bog roll and put in bin. Which is good but I just feel like I should be able to support her or something. But she doesn't seem freaked out so that's good I guess...

She's just so young. Is there anything I've missed? I gave her some pads in a toiletry bag for school - should I tell them?

I feel a bit sad about it all for some reason.

ladyme Tue 26-Sep-17 12:50:11

My DD started about 6 months ago when she was 10 and in Year 5 too. I was surprised, but not surprised and also felt a bit down about it. But she's coped ever so well, they've been regular from day one, which I was surprised about. I've given her a make up bag with pads, spare knicks and wipes in it and hid it in her school bag.

It felt really strange because the first thing she did was played with her dolls, and I think the important thing to remember is that she is still a 10 year old girl, it doesn't really change who she is or mean she has to grow up quickly or anything. She was a bit worried that it meant she had to, so I reassured her she could grow up at her own pace and just because her body was changing, she didn't have to.

However politically incorrect it is to say, periods are a pain in the arse, lets face it, no one looks forward to their own. But as I say my DD has coped amazingly well with the practicalities of it. I think the 2nd time she didn't even tell me.

Oh, I remember something else, she told a few girls at school and they thought it was "cool" and I think that reassured her a bit as well.

Big hugs to you and your DD. I think it's OK to feel a bit sad about it, these rites of passage are a bit sad aren't they?

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 26-Sep-17 12:55:23

I was 10 when I started - had no warning, had no idea what to expect.

I showed my bloody pants to my mum. She went "Oh. Oh. Oh. Right. Here's a pad, it goes in your pants like this. Um. This will happen once a month." Silence. "Now get back your exam revision."

I went back to my revision a bit confused and spent the rest of the afternoon carefully marking my calendar at 30 day intervals because I thought it would happen as regular as clockwork (ahaha).

So it already sounds like you have reacted far better and more sensitively than some!! She'll be fine, honestly. Give her a hug tonight and say that you love her and she's growing up and it's fab. She'll squirm away and go "MUM!!" but it's what I would have wanted. Also maybe some big control pants to hold a pad in place, and some chocolate grin

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 12:59:57

Thanks ever so much ladyme smile

The spare knics and wipes I hadn't thought of - that is a very good idea I'll do that.

I think I'm sad for a variety of reasons
- that she didn't tell me (not blaming her or me but it makes me a bit sad anyway)
- that she's going to be heading into the zone where men start noticing her soon and I hated all that with a passion and of course she's young to deal with it
- that freedom is gone to an extent, the thing of having to remember to have stuff, will it come unexpectedly, she's not going to be using tampons for a while I'd guess and loves swimming so there's that, and it's just all a massive messy pain in the arse as you correctly point out...

I suppose I would have wished for her to be able to be a child without this just for a bit longer...

Thank you for your kind and helpful words, they have made me feel a bit better though.

RavingRoo Tue 26-Sep-17 12:59:59

I had just turned 9 when I started and didn’t have a clue. To be fair nowadays kids have much better sex education and access to information - neice just turned 5 but her teacher is already talking about menstruation in a general way as girls have started at 6 and 7 in that school. As long as your dd has someone to talk to that’s fine - doesn’t have to be you.

RavingRoo Tue 26-Sep-17 13:00:59

Just saw your post. Period or not OP she is still a child angry

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 13:02:48

LaContessa thanks to you as well and sorry things weren't ideal for you.

I do tell her I love her all the time and keep trying to hug her with much the same reaction as you describe grin... The last 2 nights she has come and got in bed with me and we've read quietly together so while it's not a big emotional demonstration I'll count that closeness as a win...

FGS I'm welling up now!

debbs77 Tue 26-Sep-17 13:03:31

I totally understand that! My daughter just started hers at 13 and is soooooo open about it, which is great.

But then my 11 year old recently wore a bra (from her big sister) and it made me sad! She doesn't need one anyway, but more the fact that she isn't open with me, and that her first bra should be a new one!

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 13:03:52

What have I said wrong to make you angry, raving?

LittleWitch Tue 26-Sep-17 13:04:22

Wouldn't a child of 6 or 7 who started menstruating need to see a specialist endocrinologist?

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 13:05:49

debbs I think it just feels so quick doesn't it. DD2 is a couple of years younger and is still incredibly "young" - it'll be upsetting as well I think when teenageryness hits her! At the moment she says she's "never" going to be like that, bless her smile

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 13:07:37

She's just turned 10, LittleWitch. I can't see anyone on the thread talking about very young children.

Cakescakescakes Tue 26-Sep-17 13:07:57

Make sure she has access to plenty of pads etc. I was too embarrassed to ask my mum for more when I was young and used to just wear one all day to try and eek them out until she randomly would buy more and leave them on my bed. We didn't have the kind of relationship where you talked about stuff like periods openly.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 26-Sep-17 13:08:59

When my dd started her periods I took her out for a meal and got her a pamper pack. (face mask. Bath bomb. Foot lotion. Chocolates ect.

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 13:09:21

Oh sorry RavingRoo is. Yes that does seem very young and I'd imagine they'd need to see the doc.

Sorry - I missed that.

Bonelessbanquet Tue 26-Sep-17 13:10:15

I was 10 when I started, had never heard of periods - got to my GDads after school and thought I'd broken my bum blush

Once I knew what/why it was happening I feel I handled it okay.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 26-Sep-17 13:10:34

Be 100% open to any questions. She might have. Embarrassment has no place. When it comes to the body

RatRolyPoly Tue 26-Sep-17 13:11:49

I started mine at ten and my mum's reaction was much the same as LaContessa's.

Tread carefully OP. I appreciate you have your own feelings your dd's "lost youth" but your tone is very negative; be careful she doesn't pick up on that. You don't want get periods (or indeed her blossoming sexuality, alluded to when you talk of boys noticing her) to become a source of shame and embarrassed for her.

Could you perhaps plaster on a sense of excitement for her? Like, "being a woman is so amazing, it's like a big club you've just started your journey into"? Yeah, periods are a pain, but being a woman really is amazing; women's bodies do so much and a woman's own body can be a source of immense enjoyment. I've known many girls brought up to believe it's a yolk around their necks.

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 26-Sep-17 13:12:07

Cakescakescakes - yes mine was much the same. I have given her a load in her drawer and ordered some more so I think that's OK.

Mothers (parents) not addressing this properly with their daughters is weird isn't it. My mum was obviously hugely embarrassed by the whole topic and made it clear I wasn't to mention it.

Meal is a plan - a pressie - I did ask her but she just wants to be left alone to read in her room...

RavingRoo Tue 26-Sep-17 13:12:55

Neices School is mostly UK born kids of Asian origin. Early puberty as defined by the NHS (ie period before 8) means GP referral but usually stops there as early puberty tends to run in families. I think I’ve only heard of an endocrinologist referral once in my extended family ( most girls have had periods by 8 - sister was the latest one at 12).

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 26-Sep-17 13:13:18

Aw, it's lovely that she is cuddling in with you op. I find I have to do stealth bonding with DS1 (6yo) as he bolts if he notices overt affection but can be tricked into cuddles sometimes if a distraction is present grin not sure I'll be so keen on cuddle when he's a big smelly gallumphing teen, but never mind!

RavingRoo Tue 26-Sep-17 13:14:24

You seem to suggest in your post that a period means she hasn’t got a childhood left Op. That’s so wrong. She’s just 10. Don’t force her to grow up just because of hormones.

RatRolyPoly Tue 26-Sep-17 13:14:25

My message reads back as much more preachy than I meant it OP! You don't sound "very negative", that came out wrong, but hopefully you get my gist. You sound very caring indeed, just clearly coming from a mother's point of view.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 26-Sep-17 13:15:26

Also, you may not have to have this talk again op - I was drafted in for my sister's induction as our mum was too embarrassed!! Doubtless your DDs will talk to each other before that and your DD1 will put on an air of world-weary wisdom grin

PurpleWithRed Tue 26-Sep-17 13:16:05

DD started at 10, in a small primary, school were unprepared but fab about it. I told them immediately. Initially she had to use the staff loo as there were no bins in girls loos but they were very discreet about that, and put a bin in the girls loos asap. One of the teachers kept a spare pad/wipes/knickers/ibuprofen at school for her just in case. We went out and bought several different brands and sizes of pad so she could experiment with what worked for her best.

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