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My ex said

(22 Posts)
Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 20:44:11

He would like have his son over night. Once he is talking. As he does not understand his needs. Shame he's not taken the time to know his needs. Fucking prat.

JammyGem Mon 25-Sep-17 20:47:59

Well I don't know the backstory here, but surely it's a step in the right direction? He may not know his needs but at least he's wanted to start a relationship with his child.

Sophieelmer Mon 25-Sep-17 20:48:26

I would be relieved. Plenty of people don't consider their children's needs at all when it comes to contact. At least he acknowleges his failings and isn't going to push for overnight access. Which by the brief info you've given here would not be best for your child.

Wheresmytaco Mon 25-Sep-17 20:50:12

I assume the OP is upset he's not taking him now despite her ability to magically understand non verbal son's needs?

Wheresmytaco Mon 25-Sep-17 20:51:24

Babies' needs are pretty simple. Food drink poop sleep. If he needs he twonyear old to tell him what he wants, it's not a step in any direction.

YoLoGammelZammoDag Mon 25-Sep-17 20:53:12

I get it OP. He has left the parenting to you. The guesswork and elimination checklist to find out what's wrong: hungry? Thirsty? Needs a hug? Tired? Overstimulated? In pain? Wet nappy? Sore bum? Frustration? Too hot? Too cold? Pea stuck up nose? And on and on.

You've taken the trouble to understand your child's non verbal communication but he hasn't. Because it's not easy. And he doesn't bother if things are hard or take time.

I get it.

Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 20:56:29

taco party right. He should just know his needs like I do. Because I have to it's a part of looking after him. But on the other hand in would rather he did not take him. Because he can be moody.

Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 20:58:10

yolo yes 100% right. You know me better than I know myself. shockgrin

YoLoGammelZammoDag Mon 25-Sep-17 21:34:48

I have been you OP!

But you know, he will step up because he has to. He hasn't needed to until now because you are there doing it. He will make mistakes but we all do that as parents. If you want him to be the dad he should be and which your DS deserves then you need to allow him to learn and develop into that role. Small steps. My STBXH is now having my toddler DC overnight but it took a few months of increasing his contact time bit by bit, some trust on my part and some effort on his. He is also a moody abusive twat but generally only towards me and not DC. In fact, he has become a better father than he ever was when he lived with us.

Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 21:48:46

yolo I hope so. He only sees him once a week for an hour. Takes a couple of photos/video bounces him about a bit and gos. So if he did bother when he's s bit older he needs to be building it up.

SparklyMagpie Mon 25-Sep-17 21:57:02

Haha sorry I'm not laughing at you OP, it's been 25 months now and my son's dad hasn't had our son overnight. Took me over a year an a half to meet his girlfriend ( turns out due to him feeling " iffy " about me meeting her, our son gets on great with her now, an I really like her too) to him wanting his own house where gf will not be living but found out at our meeting by her, they we're looking for a house together, to now waiting until he has a house.

Our son went for his first official settling in session today and he hasn't even been intouch despite demanding to pick him up on one of the days and bringing him back round to mine.

Priorities deep down the list in his world.

What a joke

YoLoGammelZammoDag Mon 25-Sep-17 21:58:45

How old is your DC? He can't really have a proper parent relationship with just an hour a week imo. It's not enough. But I understand your concerns if you are not confident he won't be moody with your DS. It's a leap of faith to encourage more contact. I hope he steps up OP and takes proper responsibility for the life you both created.

SparklyMagpie Mon 25-Sep-17 21:59:38

Just read your comment YoLoGammelZammoDag you are spot on

But you forgot to mention EVERYTHING is also your fault grin

YoLoGammelZammoDag Mon 25-Sep-17 22:01:51

Oh yes sparkly of course it is!!

SparklyMagpie Mon 25-Sep-17 22:06:58

Always the first one to have a pop when if he was that bothered he's not done anything about it.

All about his life, i'm lucky I get 2 hours on a Thursday and 10-6 alternate Saturday or Sunday where it's spent my son seeing his grandma or grandad.

I speak more to his girlfriend a drop off.
He's completely changed ( found out he'd been with his girlfriend less than 4 weeks before I was due to give birth and a week after I gave birth to our son) if anyone should kick up a fuss it's me. But I pick my battles

Breaks my heart though, I never thought he'd turn out like this, our son is an absolute credit to us, an I hate saying it's all down to me, but it is.

Sorry if I sound bitter or a birch, Ive thought about starting 100 posts about him but it's not worth it, i'm a damn good single mother who could be in a worse situation. It's just heartbreaking to know your child comes down the list.

Thank god our son doesn't realise.

Sorry to hear theres so many of us x

Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 22:09:06

Ha ha yes defo mums fault always is. wink

Dc is 2.5 I don't think hes interested enough to visit more. Im very flexible he can see him when he wants I don't get him to stick to certain days/times. I be surprised if he does have him over night at some point. I think it's just something he said.

Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 22:12:26

sparkly that's really shit. But as you said you have a lovely son and that is down to

YoLoGammelZammoDag Mon 25-Sep-17 22:24:05

High five for single mums.
We deserve bloody medals.

Shittyshopping Mon 25-Sep-17 22:29:07

starstarstarstarstar gold stars for all grinwink

SparklyMagpie Mon 25-Sep-17 22:38:31

starstarstar wooooo!!! grin

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Mon 25-Sep-17 22:40:43

My ex had no input into ds at all but was adamant he would be taking him for his first pint at 18!!
When he did see ds as an adult he punched him in the head - to the ground - and I stepped in and dragged him off. .
Some men just shouldn't be fertile.

YoLoGammelZammoDag Mon 25-Sep-17 22:53:03

That's awful winter

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