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Why do people talk like this? (business speak)

(47 Posts)
DadDadDad Mon 25-Sep-17 17:11:03

I have just received a group email at work which contains this exact sentence (redacted the committee name):

Proposal has been put forward to take to <Committee> for agreement moving forward and as soon as we have further updates and development we will of course notify and inform yourselves firstly.

Why not just say:
A proposal for what happens next has been made to <Committee>. Once we have agreed the outcomes and have made our plans, of course you will be the first to know.
Shorter and (in my view) clearer!

EarlessToothlessVagabond Mon 25-Sep-17 17:13:31

I thought all that talk about low hanging fruit and getting ducks in a row was a bad joke and surely no-one could actually talk like that dh assures me that they do confused.

DJBaggySmalls Mon 25-Sep-17 17:15:20

Reply using the same jargonese, and an extra 10 points if you can crow bar 'vis a vis' in there.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Mon 25-Sep-17 17:15:58

Because they think it makes them sound clever. IMO, the opposite is true. Personally I automatically assume anyone who writes like than is a bit dim grin

ZippyCameBack Mon 25-Sep-17 17:17:13

One of the great joys of self-employment is that I can refuse to deal with people who speak corporate gibberish at me. Which they do, a lot. Mostly in my field they are sales reps and phrases like "blue sky thinking" "out of the box" and "going forward" have me browsing for the contact details of their competition!

reallybadidea Mon 25-Sep-17 17:17:28

Yeah, what spuriouser said. Twats.

chicaguapa Mon 25-Sep-17 17:18:00

People using yourself and myself like this gives me the rage. Agree that they think it makes themselves sound cleverer.

EarlessToothlessVagabond Mon 25-Sep-17 17:18:13

It reminds me of the cliche of how policemen write statements 'The witness was perambulating along the thoroughfare at approximately 1500 hours..' etc. E.g why use 3 words when you can use 50 pompous words.

DadDadDad Mon 25-Sep-17 17:20:03

I don't have a problem with the odd management-speak phrase if it conveys a useful concept quickly. For example, "low-hanging fruit" to recognise that a project can pick off some easier items for solving / improving as well as addressing more substantive issues.

It's the crash of so many clichés in one sentence that makes it grate. And there's no need to finish a sentence "yourselves firstly" when "you first" is perfectly acceptable.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 25-Sep-17 17:20:06

Teflon decision shoulders.

See how the original message carefully avoids saying who made the proposal and who will make the decisions.

Your version gives ownership of the decision to the author.

Either the author doesn't know who is deciding or doesn't want to take ownership themselves.

I hate it too. So much crazy writing to avoid stating clear lines of accountability.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 25-Sep-17 17:21:27

yourselves firstly avoids stating exactly who will be first. Not "you", the more vague "yourselves". More lazy teflon.

MaisieDotes Mon 25-Sep-17 17:21:27

I don't mind "going forward", I suppose I have become immune to that now.

But
"we will of course notify and inform yourselves firstly"
is cringeworthy. Jargon is one thing but that's just gibberish.

TizzyDongue Mon 25-Sep-17 17:22:11

Whoever wrote it thinks it makes them sound educated, but aren't educated enough to realise it has the opposite effect.

The sort that thinks the fewer people that understand a report they have written means their report is deeply complex. Rather than a load of badly written gobbledygook.

Being able to give out information in a manner that is easily understood and unambiguous can be quite difficult.

LoveVintage Mon 25-Sep-17 17:22:22

Me too Zippy
I particularly despise "moving forward" and "business journey".

weasledee Mon 25-Sep-17 17:24:26

"Touch base" and "end of play" arhhhhhhhh!!!!!! smile

DadDadDad Mon 25-Sep-17 17:26:11

Actually, I think it's a bit harsh to assume that the writer is dim. I know the author and they come across as knowledgeable on their area of expertise.

I think it's just a style that people fall into and find it hard to stop doing once they start. For example, note the "updates and development" or the "notify and inform" - they could have just said "updates" and "notify" but it's a habit to be more expansive, stating things two or more ways as if that conveys more information.

DadDadDad Mon 25-Sep-17 17:28:42

RunRabbit - yes, I think you are right that the original wording creates a bit of fuzziness around who is doing what and exactly what is going to be agreed.

DadDadDad Mon 25-Sep-17 17:31:00

The same email earlier used the phrase "reach out" (twice!) for "contact" or "speak", so I was already feeling a bit queasy. smile

GrumpyOldBag Mon 25-Sep-17 17:31:54

inform yourselves firstly is just appalling grammar.

And there are quite a few words which don't need to be there.

oldlaundbooth Mon 25-Sep-17 17:35:09

I'll reach out to her
Going forward
'Connect' with so and so

End of play is just sickening, ugh.

I give up.

gandalf456 Mon 25-Sep-17 17:40:58

Inform and notify is a tautology. Yourselves is ungrammatical

gandalf456 Mon 25-Sep-17 17:41:39

Reach out. I'll be there. Do be do do

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 25-Sep-17 17:53:08

My current client keeps trying to edit my work to have the word "utilise" instead "use". Track Changes. REJECT change. Reject reject reject. And breathe. He is a lovely intelligent person but I might have to stab him with his best fountain pen.

Laska5772 Mon 25-Sep-17 17:59:58

Its a pre notification of possible direction of travel just so you can keep a window in your diary to enable you to touch base with your stakeholder and ensure you are all singing off the same hymsheet..

Kind Regards..

ill get me coat grin

DadDadDad Mon 25-Sep-17 18:01:11

RunRabbit - sounds a bit pointless: why not ask your client why he prefers "utilise" over "use"?

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