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Things you thought you would never say but have done since being a parent!

(43 Posts)
BLUESEAPARADISE Mon 25-Sep-17 15:29:32

" Why are you putting your baked beans in your shoe?"

" we do not have wee fights!"

" I am not going to tie elephants ( toys) in your hair for nursery"

" why are you licking the books/ wall ?"

I was thinking earlier at some of the things I have said that I never thought I would ever say but I have since having children!

What have you said to your DC that you never thought you would say to anyone!

MoodyMumOfOne Mon 25-Sep-17 15:32:19

"because I said so " I always swore I'd never say that !grin

IhaveapenIhavepineapple Mon 25-Sep-17 15:32:35

Pooing is not a spectator sport.

BlackInk Mon 25-Sep-17 15:35:00

"Don't put it in your mouth, it's on fire!"

... yelled across a campsite at my 8 year old who was about to pop a flaming marshmallow into his mouth.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Mon 25-Sep-17 15:41:08

Life isn't fair.

I always thought that was the stupidest saying ever. Yet I find myself saying it quite often to DS.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Mon 25-Sep-17 16:10:08

Me: 'We do not put sticks up our noses.'

2 yr old: 'Just fingers?'

Me: 'Yes! I mean... Oh, never mind. Fingers are fine or at least better than sticks.'

BillywigSting Mon 25-Sep-17 16:18:56

Stop licking the bus (actual bus, not a toy)

Get out of the cooker

No, you can't eat the mouldy blueberries.

CigarsofthePharoahs Mon 25-Sep-17 16:49:59

"Stop kissing the lamp post."
"No, I don't think your toy Dinotruck wants to eat your banana. Stop feeding it your banana!"

Most of our conversations at the moment are Minecraft related. This has lead to: -
"No, I didn't know baby zombies could ride chickens."
"Please stop murdering all the villagers!"
I never thought I'd have to say either of those.

Comealongpond89 Mon 25-Sep-17 16:58:55

Lol! This thread has made me giggle. Mine include:

"Don't lick the tele"

"Ok you can take the mermaid to bed"

"Don't put your head in the grill"

"Stop climbing on the washing machine"

And many more I'm sure will come to me later

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 25-Sep-17 17:01:31

'Stop licking me. Go find daddy and lick him instead'

'Books are not for eating'

'Get out of the toilet!'

That's just the last 24 hours with my two year old.

sunnydalegottobedone Mon 25-Sep-17 17:24:45

Do not put jam sandwiches in the video player...... the door is not for head butting.......get that food/tic tac/piece of lego/leaf out of your nose..... the fabric paints are not for decorating the carpet with confused are a few I can remember - the jam sandwiches in the vhs player was the worst!

BillywigSting Mon 25-Sep-17 22:57:39

My hair is not a rope

Dp, this t rex is a vegetarian

No you can't go to school with the bucket on your head

I know you're hot but we are outside so please keep your pants on

Yes of course you can have more broccoli! (still baffled by that one tbh!)

Notonthestairs Mon 25-Sep-17 23:27:46

Well done for not biting anyone today.

Hunkle Mon 25-Sep-17 23:30:17

Yesssss, just eat the whole bloody thing at 8.00 a.m.

It was an advent calender blush
She did it eat all obvs, & I got her another one halo

Grimmfebruary Mon 25-Sep-17 23:35:46

Sunnydale - my brother used to post toast into the video player, my mother was an expert at taking it apart to take the toast out 😂

Bintang Mon 25-Sep-17 23:38:25

We don't play chess with our penis!
Sigh... I haven't even said that one only once sad

Spuddington Mon 25-Sep-17 23:41:38

"Spudcat doesn't want a crayon in his bum bum"

BeautifulLiar Tue 26-Sep-17 06:28:58

"Why is there an African hunting dog in the garden?!"

CluelessMummy Tue 26-Sep-17 06:37:43

We don't play chess with our penis!

grin

"No, sweetie, the cat bowl isn't for drinking"

BewareOfTheToddler Tue 26-Sep-17 07:01:10

No darling, we don't go bin-diving.

No, we don't feed while Mummy is on the toilet.

Leave her tail alone! (BewareCat)

Weirdest experience: grilling two plastic balls from the ball pool that DS had managed to shove in the grill before I turned it on, then spending ten minutes wondering what the fuck they were and how bright green and red things had got into the grill.

ErrolTheDragon Tue 26-Sep-17 07:19:02

'Where is your fringe?' sticks in my memory - I'm still proud I said it calmly. It turned up a few years later shoved inside a book.

ErrolTheDragon Tue 26-Sep-17 07:20:21

"Why is there an African hunting dog in the garden?!"

Surely we all want to know the answer to that one?!shockgrin

rightsofwomen Tue 26-Sep-17 07:22:19

"There are lots of severed heads under the TV cabinet"

maddiemookins16mum Tue 26-Sep-17 08:13:13

'Why have you got poo on your hands?"

'Books are our friends, we don't draw/rip them" <cringes at the first part of this comment>

My favourite and one I swore blind I'd not be using...

'get a clean dummy out of the sterilser' 🤗🤗🤗

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Tue 26-Sep-17 08:27:38

"It's not a bear. It's Shakira. Sha-ki-ra."

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