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I'm an introvert an have an extrovert friend staying......

(31 Posts)
Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:27:41 do I politely ask her to stop talking at me?

I am hosting and I put together a full itinerary for us to keep us busy but she keeps on asking questions and seems to want to fill ordinary silences.

I'm now sat downstairs with a glass of wine on my own just trying to get my head around 5:30am to 9:pm on a tour.

Any tips to preserve my sanity?

SerfTerf Mon 25-Sep-17 04:32:16

Can you scale the itinerary back or build in some "alone time" for yourself?

Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:40:10

Thank you serf for replying.

No I can't really scale anything back because it was all preplanned.

To be fair, I guess it's not her fault but my own.
I just can't handle the incessant questioning/chat/telling me your life story interspersed with what way are we going/what time does the subway get here/why are are we going to that station/ what are you wearing today/ what s the temp tomorrow/ etc etc
I'm sorry, I'm probably an awful friend.

FleetwoodMacNCheese Mon 25-Sep-17 04:40:18

How long is she staying? If it's just a few days, can't you just suck it up and be friendly?

Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:44:34

My husband gets it but doesn't get the alone time I need.

MN taught me this. I'd never really understood about introvert/extrovert personalities before

Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:50:50

I am being friendly fleetwood!

Hence my post! I'm not trying to blame her or to make her stay uncomfortable, I'm going out of my way to pack a load of great stuff in!

I'm just asking first for a polite way to maybe say to my extrovert friend that 'no, I don't want to chat for the next 6 hours on this coach!'

Beardedandbalded Mon 25-Sep-17 04:51:10

Urgh I'm shuddering on your behalf!

Ok, you're going to have to look her in the eye and lie. On days when there's stuff she can do perfectly well alone, you need to have a stock supply of emergencies, long standing appointments, and little viruses. That way you'll have some breaks, and she won't be offended. I'm all for being direct but you risk then her walking on eggshells and questioning you constantly about that too.

PollytheDoily Mon 25-Sep-17 04:51:46

Oh I feel your pain. It's hard to describe isn't it especially when no one gets it.

I'm extremely introverted. It's an effort to "not be" and if you're honest you're met with shock or confused faces because everyone should be extroverted in today's world lol.

I think you're going to have to bite the bullet. Keep talking here to keep your sanity. Then when it's all over do what you need to recharge your batteries and make sure you do. It's exhausting, I know. flowers

SerfTerf Mon 25-Sep-17 04:53:08

Just say that you need an hour of quiet time, offer her a magazine and pop earplugs in (?) Or say it's time to do your mindfulness or something?

Beardedandbalded Mon 25-Sep-17 04:53:36

You're on a coach? Omg!!!

Well what about headphones and an audio book you're just desperate to finish? And earplugs and "I really must have a quick nap, I hardly slept last night" (why are you awake right now?!)

Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:54:02

And now my extremely helpful husband has just called me from upstairs to moan that I'm not in bed.

When I just wanted some me time.


Newmanwannabe Mon 25-Sep-17 04:56:01

Ask her if she wants to go to the bookshop/ newsagent to get something to read on the bus. Then say your very excited to get stuck into your new book. Maybe you could both get the same book then talk about it later when you've both read it? Like a book club on a holiday?

PollytheDoily Mon 25-Sep-17 04:56:07

Aww tang. I agree with the others for the coach. I'd go to sleep, earphones, or a book.

Mum2OneTeen Mon 25-Sep-17 04:56:11

Another introvert here feeling your pain.

Can you give your friend a job to do while you are home? Something in another room? Hanging out washing? Going on an errand to the supermarket?

Going out is sometimes easier than having to make constant small talk at home. Mind you, a 5.30am to 9.00pm tour sounds like utter torture, but I do understand the temptation to plan to do 'things' to get a break from the endless chit chat.

Maybe you could watch a DVD together at night. Give her a magazine or book to read while you're cooking so she doesn't help (& talk).

Have a nap in the middle of the afternoon to get some quiet time.

Countdown the days and hours until she leaves.

I used to have a friend who would come to stay and follow me from room to room incessantly talking about inconsequential rubbish such as what haircut she should get. Drove me utterly insane, DP & I would cheer when she finally drove away.

Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:57:53

I'm awake now because I'm stressed about the whole thing.

Earluggs x thank you!

Tangfastics Mon 25-Sep-17 04:58:40


PollytheDoily Mon 25-Sep-17 05:01:04

Try not to get too wound up. I know what you mean and completely empathise with the dread you're feeling right now.

What are you doing today anyway? (Nosy) x

Pearlsaringer Mon 25-Sep-17 05:32:31

Yes, earplugs and Radio 4 podcasts kept me from murdering my DM whenever we travelled together. She could not comprehend silence!

Veterinari Mon 25-Sep-17 05:38:20

Definitely pull the - really sorry but I must sleep/have a headache/need to rest card on the coach.

I couldn't bear this

I'm usually just fairly direct and say, sorry but I'm a really antisocial traveller and just need to snooze/read and recharge but then I'll be fine when we arrive. Can you do this?

Blackcatonthesofa Mon 25-Sep-17 05:47:28

Can you pull off that you need meditation every day?

Another introvert and book lover here. One friend asked me about my shit once because I kept going to the bathroom just to get a minute of alone time.

Charolais Mon 25-Sep-17 05:47:59

I’m extremely introverted and my husband’s mother and brother are extremely extroverted. MIL doesn’t stay here anymore due to the fact she’s now 92 and had to quit driving, but BIL often visits for a week or two and it is so draining. They love the sound of their own voices.

My solution was to put a recliner upstairs in my bedroom and so when I need to recharge I take a book up there and I’m left alone.

My oldest son had an extroverted girl friend and she’d call me often to small talk at me. It was painful. I finally told her, “I’m introverted” and she bellowed into the phone, “NO YOU'RE NOT. DON’T BE SO SILLY”. Huh....I should have told her that when she told me she was bi-polar.

PollytheDoily Mon 25-Sep-17 05:53:39

Small talk - waste of good oxygen.

pigeondujour Mon 25-Sep-17 06:34:43

Surely even extroverts don't want to chat for that long on a coach?! Ghastly. Definitely definitely go for sleeping. Even if you're just sat with your eyes closed, it will help (and you probably will fall asleep, which will make time go quicker).

BringMeTea Mon 25-Sep-17 07:10:37

Full sympathy. I had this. Most people are ok with some, even a tiny bit, of silence. Not this particular friend. I had to just go upstairs and lie down eventually. I just had to. My dh got home, realised what was happening and took over listening duties for an hour.

Anyway. Headphones. All.The.Way.

micropig Mon 25-Sep-17 07:31:43

I find long showers/ baths help for some alone time, plus when I have guests over that are really hard work, I go to bed much earlier (can say you're tired from the activities). Good luck!

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