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Good friends other half really upsetting me. Don't know what to do.

(75 Posts)
StripedJumper84 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:28:44

I may come across as really pathetic, I know I am but I really don't know how to handle this.

I have a mum friend at my DCs school. Our children have been best friends since nursery and are now in year 4.

She has a new partner that has recently moved in with her and her DC. I've been introduced to him and know him to say hello too but that's as far as it goes.

He's now taken over the morning school run for my friend.

During the first week of term my DH took our child to school for two consecutive days. He works shifts and if he's home and up he will take the DC to school.

The next day I took DC to school friends partner said to me that I was a right lazy cow for not getting out of bed and taking my child to school. I was really taken back by what he said. It wasn't said in a jokey tone. I muttered something defending myself and walked off just thinking WTF just happened.

A few days later the following week a similar thing happened.
He had overheard me say DH was treating us to a takeaway later. He again made a comment about my "lazy parenting and that I clearly couldn't cook. I told him he didn't know me and to stop passing judgment on things that didn't concern him.
He said oooooh alright calm down.

His little digs really stuck under my skin so we started leaving for school a little later instead of being at the school waiting for the gates to open.
The doors open 15-20 mins before school starts.

I now don't see him at the school gates anymore but we pass each other as our house is on his way to and from school. Each morning I pass him he comments saying I'm late / couldn't I get up on time / I'm so lazy etc etc and its now really upsetting me. It shouldn't, but it really is. I suffer from depression and lately I've been in a bit of a dark place again.

I can't go a alternative route as there is no other way to school. So I am going to have to face him most mornings.

What do I do / say? I tell him straight each day we are not late but he still carries on.

My DH has said next time to tell him to F-off, but it's really not appropriate in front of my DC.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sun 24-Sep-17 16:30:43

He's harassing you.

Get a solicitor to write a letter suggesting he stops.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 24-Sep-17 16:34:16

Each morning I pass him he comments saying I'm late

'No, just avoiding you - dickhead.'

PerfectlyPooPoo Sun 24-Sep-17 16:35:16

Tell your friend her partner is being an arsehole then pop around one night and ask him what his problem in.

Tell him you're not lazy, your dh likes doing the schoil run when he can and who wouldn't choose a takeaway over cooking?

And if he continues to be a twat tell him to fuck off.

RestingBitchFaced Sun 24-Sep-17 16:40:30

Tell him to fuck off, and tell your friend what he's been doing

Crunchymum Sun 24-Sep-17 16:40:39

On your cheeriest voice, reply to him "I'm not late dear, I'm just avoiding some unsavoury parents at the school"

How long has this been going on? Have you seen or spoken to your friend much recently? Maybe you could mention what a dick her DP is being?

Toast195 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:41:17

Say "its my friend who is your girlfriend,why are you so in to my life. For my friendships sake with your gf please just stop talking to me"

Or ask you friend "does your boyfriend always question and comment on all your friends and there coming and goings its would shame me if ny husband was like that. Be a friend snd ask him to back the fuck off"

MrsDoylesTeabags Sun 24-Sep-17 16:42:12

Your friends partner is trying to distance you by making you feel uncomfortable in his company. Don't fall for it, he's a controlling person. Your friend may not have acknowledged this yet, but that's why he's doing it.

catkind Sun 24-Sep-17 16:42:15

What an odd person. Ask friend why her other half is having a go at you every time he sees you? I certainly wouldn't go out of your way to avoid him. Nor would I address his criticisms in any way, address his rudeness instead. Politely to stop criticising your family a few times then just shake head and roll eyes sort of response? Or obviously fake laugh at pathetic attempt at humour? Try not to let him wind you up as sounds like what he's trying to do.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 16:43:44

So he's moved in with her (potential cocklodger alert) and takes her kids to school... does he go to work?

teaandtoast Sun 24-Sep-17 16:45:11

Can you arrange to walk with someone else on the way to school? It'd be interesting to know if he'd say anything 'in public' as it were, so you've got a witness.

Hunkle Sun 24-Sep-17 16:48:30

Can you ignore him. Just look straight ahead. Seems like he wants a reaction.
Is he jealous of you & your friend?

Sounds like he is trying to cause a fall out.

Caketroubles Sun 24-Sep-17 16:54:43

I would tell your OH to deal with it. As a joke. He clearly understands only one language: bullying.
I sometimes wonder about the kinds of things people post on here. It's outrageous.

Caketroubles Sun 24-Sep-17 16:56:03

It's very much possible he is trying to control your friend by isolating her from everyone.

schoolgaterebel Sun 24-Sep-17 17:02:20

Can you cross to the other side of the road when you see him?

Wear earphones so you can’t hear him?

Just completely ignore him as if you haven’t seen or heard him.

Definitely don’t talk to him or respond in any way or ever let him overhear you talking about anything.

ProfessorCat Sun 24-Sep-17 17:03:02

Is he trying to end your friendship because gherkin is controlling her?

CatsOclock Sun 24-Sep-17 17:04:15

I would blank him and speak to your friend so she's aware. He sounds like a right arsehole.

StripedJumper84 Sun 24-Sep-17 17:06:28

I've not seen my friend for a while now. The last time I saw her was the second week of the school holidays.She's not taken her DC to school this term. He takes her child then the child miner collects.

I have no idea if he works as I don't know him. They have been in a relationship for about a year she hasn't mentioned him too much only when he completely ghosted her quite early on.

Maybe I should arrange to meet her and talk to her.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Sep-17 17:13:44

I'd speak to her. As for him, I'd tell him 'Shut up, you bullying twonk. You're harassing me, and I'm recording it.' If I were your DH I'd tell him to fuck off bothering my wife.

Your friend needs to know her partner's a bullying fuckwit.

Movablefeast Sun 24-Sep-17 17:15:14

I think that sounds like a good idea StripedJumper he sounds like a dickhead of the highest order. What a jerk.

HolgerDanske Sun 24-Sep-17 17:16:07

He's trying his best to alienate you.

He's moving in to isolate your friend from her friends.

He is not a good man.

yorkshireyummymummy Sun 24-Sep-17 17:22:56

I think there are several things you could do here.
When your husband can take the kids to school one morning you go with him. See if CF makes any remakes. If he doesn't then pull him up and ask him if he is scared of making remarks in front of your husband because that would show that he's just a cowardly bully. Your husband could say that if CF has any comments to make about his wife's behaviour could he come and speak to him instead of harassing you and then punch him in his cheeky mouth .
Or, you could go round to see your friend and tell her what he has been doing and ask her to have a word with him.
Or, you and husband could go round to see friend and CF and ask him outright what his problem is.
I appreciate that all of these things are confrontational but if you want him to stop then you have no option but to confront him and call him out on his atrocious behaviour. It's scaring you, he is intimidating you, he is frightening you and he is bullying you. He needs to be stopped. And I do think that unless you stop him he will carry on as this is what nasty cowardly bullies get their kicks from. He is obviously a twisted fuckwit and this is one of the occasions when you need your husband to stand up for you and sort it out as, by your own admission , you don't think you can do it yourself.
Oh and as for the not telli ng him to fuck off in front of your small children I personally would prefer my child to hear me stand up for myself and telling somebody to go and fuck them selves and find someone different to bully than to hear me being abused every day. A single fuck off is far less damaging than a dose of daily abuse.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 24-Sep-17 17:25:58

I agree he's very controlling. Your poor friend and her children. I think I'd be careful what you say to her though. He will likely already be dripping poison in her ear about you. If you tell her exactly what he's said, that may be an end to your friendship and he will have won in isolating her. Perhaps let her talk?

Maelstrop Sun 24-Sep-17 18:49:03

I think telling him you're not late and you're just avoiding him cos he's a twat is the way forward. I'd also ask your friend why he feels the need to be rude every single time he sees you. What a wanker.

LittleLights Mon 25-Sep-17 08:59:03


Each morning I pass him he comments saying I'm late

'No, just avoiding you - dickhead.'

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