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Another Cheeky F****r Alert!

(112 Posts)
SongforSal Sun 24-Sep-17 11:16:22

I need a little rant!

OK, So before I get to today's cheeky fuckery. Here's the background of brass neck lady. Apologies if it is long!

She moved into my street a couple of years ago with her 2 adult sons. The sons seem very nice, hardworking etc, they are not from the UK, however both sons speak fluent English and are always very friendly. They have mentioned in passing that their DM is feeling isolated due to not being able to speak English. I offered to teach her for free, the sons told me she refused. OK then. Moving on.

(This is where it gets ridiculous) During the summer hols, one of my cats accidently ripped the very large paddling pool. The water gushed away like a mini tsunami out into the street behind my house. Later that day, one of the sons visited to let me know his DM was walking past my house, and has accused us of 'doing it on purpose to get her wet'......Yes. Utterly bizarre. A week later I see her in the street and she starts shouting at me in her mother tongue. I have no idea what she is saying, but she was finger wagging, so I assume I was not being complimented wink

A couple of weeks later, I was cutting some veg early in the morning in my own kitchen. I was in my PJ's, when suddenly her voice bellows out. I jump in absolute fright to find her in my bloody kitchen! She had let herself into my garden, walked unannounced into my house and found me in the kitchen. She was shouting at me again! I was a bit shaken up to fair. Later that day one of the sons came over and explained she is convinced my DC's hate her, as footballs keep turning up in her garden and is convinced it is us, and we have it in for her! Obviously this is utterly ridiculous. One son was very apologetic, and explained she has always been like that, and is not 'a people person'. No shit.

We explained she had trespassed, and it is illegal, I also explained I was holding a knife at the time, and she is lucky I didn't instinctively react to an intruder. One of the sons got a little shitty with me, and explained in his country people walk into each others houses all the time. I phoned the non-emergency police number to explain what had happened, and to log the incident.

It worked. We have heard nothing. Bliss.

This morning, I was having a coffee in my garden when I heard my garden gate open. Our garden stretches around the house, so I stealthily pocked my head around the side. And that's when I see the Cheeky Fucker with her Skulduggery ways. She had filled a large Tesco bag, with the fruit from my apple trees, and was exiting my garden!!!!!!!!

I stood mouth agape. Words failed me. And she left.

Obviously I will be locking my garden gate in future. I can't believe the brass neck of her!!

AlternativeTentacle Sun 24-Sep-17 11:20:08

Can you call the sons and tell them that she has thieved and you want the apples back or you are calling the police again?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 24-Sep-17 11:22:02

Surely in any culture its illegal to just invade someone's home. I'm not surprised you shat your self.
I'd have laid an egg.
As for that pointing in faces. I'd bite someone's finger if they did that to me. How rude. angry

LazyDailyMailJournos Sun 24-Sep-17 11:23:42

Put a lock on your gate.

Tell the sons what she has done, that taking someone else's property without asking is stealing, and warn them that if she trespasses again you will call the police.

MaisieDotes Sun 24-Sep-17 11:27:12

Why didn't you stop her when you saw her making off with your apples?!

insancerre Sun 24-Sep-17 11:27:29

Get your local community police officer involved
This is something they can help with as it has the potential to get more serious if not nipped in the bud now
They can help with an interpreter or arrange a meeting with the sons, the neighbour and you
She needs to know she is overstepping boundaries

8misskitty8 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:04:55

Get a lock on your gate op.
Either let the apples go thus time or Go round to their house and tell the sons she has stolen from you want your property back. And tell them to tell her to stay away from you and your house or you'll inform the police.
Cheeky gits !

Binghasalottoanswerfor Sun 24-Sep-17 12:41:16

I am aghast! Cheeky bitch. I HATE it when foreigners use the fact that things are done a different way in their country as an excuse to behave inappropriately or to ignore the law when here. We have to abide by their laws if we visit their country!

Not being fascist or racist in any way. This is about respect not race

TheRollingCrone Sun 24-Sep-17 12:45:50

Do you think she has mental health issues? Not excusing song awful behaviour and a wee bit scary. Some cheeky fucker came into my front garden and dug my magnolia up - she tried to scarper when I spotted her - I lobbed the mangle wreck at her head, I was raging.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Sun 24-Sep-17 12:49:39

Bucket of water balanced on your gate should do the job op. .

ohfourfoxache Sun 24-Sep-17 12:49:43

I think you need to go round and demand them back. And tell them that you'll be speaking to the police.

Twelvty Sun 24-Sep-17 12:53:56

My neighbour (who is British) had a habit of wandering into our house and garden, final straw was when I was in the shower and stepped out to find her half way up the stairs as I hadn't answered the door! It nothing to do with customs, it's just cheeky fuckery. Get a lock on your gate and In the habit of keeping your doors locked, it's bloody annoying but I know from experience if someone is that way inclined she'll carry on. Definitely speak to the sons, too.

TableMirror Sun 24-Sep-17 12:55:40

Lock gate, lock door.

Always have a loaded water pistol.... I find it works on cats in my garden so probably works on waggy fingered apple nickers.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Sun 24-Sep-17 12:58:03

When we first moved to a farmhouse( rented) and put a lock on the gate to ensure ddogs didn't escape (livestock +road) next door neighbour made false allegations to the authorities about us and admitted it was because we had locked her out of our property!

FortunatelyUnfortunately Sun 24-Sep-17 13:06:26

Do your DC's footballs end up in her garden? I can imagine that being quite annoying on a frequent basis.

Miserylovescompany2 Sun 24-Sep-17 13:17:54

Get a lock for your gate - cheeky mare! Send her a bill for the apples!

Fluffypinkpyjamas Sun 24-Sep-17 13:19:32

She's lucky you're so nice. If she was standing in my kitchen uninvited she'd be running out screaming and she'd never come back for a thing let alone to steal apples grin

AllToadsLeadToHome Sun 24-Sep-17 13:21:18

When Streetlife was still in existence there were people reporting the stripping of their fruit trees, people had climbed over the back fence with a ladder and picked everything, ripe and unripe.

From the ensuing discussion it turned out that people from certain countries do this, they just go and help themselves in their own country. However there was also some discussion regarding whether they knew it was not permitted here, as it had been done in the dark.

This woman just seems to be winding you up though.

kaitlinktm Sun 24-Sep-17 13:26:04

If you just let it go (the apples I mean) she will do it again - I know you are going to lock your gate, but there will be a time someone forgets to do it.

gamerchick Sun 24-Sep-17 13:30:30

Get a lock for your gate and run a bit of burglar grease on the top of it incase of an arm coming over it.

It'll send a pretty clear message in all languages.

chickenowner Sun 24-Sep-17 13:36:52

I agree, you need to ask for the apples back and explain that what she has done is trespass and theft.

NannyRed Sun 24-Sep-17 13:39:32

I'd be learning to shout "fuck off" in her mother tongue.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Sep-17 13:43:44

Go over there and tell them to stop thieving and trespassing, that you don't care what the fuck it's like in their own country, they're here now and thieving and trespassing is against the law so cut it the fuck out.

SlothMama Sun 24-Sep-17 13:44:23

I'd ask for the apples back! That is very very cheeky, put a lock on your gate so she can't keep letting herself in.

Zaphodsotherhead Sun 24-Sep-17 13:44:43

I'd let the apples go. I suspect that, because her sons speak fluent English and know and understand how things are done here, that she's perfectly well aware that you don't walk into people's houses (and in exactly WHAT country is it perfectly normal to walk into a STRANGER's house? Friends/family/locals you've known for ages, yes, total stranger who just happens to live in your road, no). I think she's using 'I don't understand' to mean 'I don't want to understand because I don't believe society's rules should apply to me'.

I think she may be mentally unwell and her sons are well aware of this fact.

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