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Do your kids pay towards the home if they move back in?

(38 Posts)
puglady Sat 23-Sep-17 18:18:22

My daughter left home at 16 and is now 18 and has come back home. She has brought her dog with her and wants her be to move in too.

I am struggling financially to keep myself, although I work 35 hours a week and simply can't afford to keep another 2 adults plus another dog.

They both work and bring home about £900 a month each.

There's food, gas & electric and general stuff that I'd have to pay more for. Obviously I pay for phone & Internet.

What would be reasonable?

Thanks

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:20:03

100 a week and she buys everything the dog needs?

puglady Sat 23-Sep-17 18:22:25

So £50 each a week?

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:23:00

sorry, another 2 adults? who's the other one?

puglady Sat 23-Sep-17 18:24:45

Ah, it wasn't very clear, she wants her boyfriend to move in. I typed bf and it autocorrected to be!

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 23-Sep-17 18:25:01

DS is 23 and gives us £150 a month, which probably pays for his food and hot water. He claims to pay the most out of all his mates. He is also quite helpful and pleasant to have around.

Personally I think he's getting a pretty good deal but we are not struggling for money and really, it's about enforcing the point that, as an adult, he should pay his way.

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:28:13

oh right.
maybe i would ask for 150 a week between the two with the agreement they meet the dog's needs.

two adults eating plus extra water, gas, electric, loss of single person council tax discount, increase in phone bill and all that .

150 a week all in is still massively cheap for 2 people to live. they shouldnt take the piss. the real world is a hell of a lot more expensive.

PandorasXbox Sat 23-Sep-17 18:28:25

I would say they should both give you £200 a month at least. Plus she pays for her dogs food etc.

saggymaggyx Sat 23-Sep-17 18:30:23

£150 a week! I think £100 each a month is about fair x

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:31:56

150 a week = 75 per person per week for all foid, all utilities, council tax contribution, rent contribution etc is not a bad deal.

no wonder kids dont want to leave home these days 😂

puglady Sat 23-Sep-17 18:33:12

I'm happy to pay for dog food, I think my dog and hers will eat the same. But I know I'll end up clearing up after the dog and walking him. I don't mind as he's lovely!

I was thinking £50 per week, then all she'll need to do is her washing and ironing. I'll shop and cook and clean as they're at work and I finish early each day as I start early.

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:34:51

thats each right?
50 quid a week for all living costs plus full maid service and dog care?
bargain of the century! lets hope they understand that.

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:35:56

almost full 😁 i think that is a fine offer. very very reasonable.

IAmALionTamer Sat 23-Sep-17 18:45:22

I think £300 per month for the two of them is around what I would ask and that they must cover the cost of their dog themselves.

Floralnomad Sat 23-Sep-17 18:48:18

Why is she moving back , is it due to financial difficulties ? Surely on 1800 per month they should be able to rent their own place .

WeAllHaveWings Sat 23-Sep-17 18:48:21

£50-£100 a week rent is fair and 1/2 of gas/electric/broadband/phone etc bills. Why should op subsidise them when she can afford it, they have £1800 a month to pay their way!

Buy their own and dogs food (or contribute at least 1/2 of weekly shop), take turns to cook/clean, buy own toiletries and detergents, do own laundry.

They are adults now. Start as you mean to go on, set house rules before they move in about cooking, cleaning, having guests, etc.

WeAllHaveWings Sat 23-Sep-17 18:48:35

Can't afford

ZanyMobster Sat 23-Sep-17 18:59:00

I think for me it would depend on the situation, XH and I lived with my parents before we got married and then for 4 months after, we were saving for a house so my parents charged us hardly anything, we paid for phone bill (itemised) and for a sky box in our room, we paid a small amount on top, maybe £40 a month. My parents bought general toiletries such as shower gel tooth paste and so on, we bought our own personal stuff if it was stuff only we used.

I would definitely do the same for my DCs if they were in the same situation. If they were earning loads and just spending all their wages on going out, holidays etc I would charge about £100-£150 a week definitely at that age (at 18/19 I wouldn't)

HailLapin Sat 23-Sep-17 18:59:12

What's the going rate for a room in your area? What's a third of council tax and utilities?

Also think about food , will you shop and charge them two thirds of the bill or can you take turns? Week 1 you , week 2 her , week 3 him.your food bill will triple so it's only fair.

You know them so you know what will work best , don't feel bad about having them pay their own way though.

Summerisdone Sat 23-Sep-17 19:22:28

YANBU, once your child becomes and adult and is earning enough to support themselves then they should be doing. You are doing her a favour anyway as it would still be cheaper than running their own home. I'd perhaps suggest that they pay 40-50% towards bills (between two of them isn't bad) and you the other 50-60%.

I moved out at 17, then ended back up living at my mum's twice over the next 6 years. Both times I would pay her £250 p/m towards food and bills and £100 p/m towards petrol because she'd pick and drop me at work.
She was passing my work to get to hers anyway but how we saw it, she was saving me £13 in the train fares each day as well as an £18 weekly bus ticket, and it was a 45 minute journey by car rather than over 2 hours via bus and train.

DrMadelineMaxwell Sat 23-Sep-17 20:07:50

1/4 of their wage was what DH always paid his Mum.

Unihorn Sat 23-Sep-17 20:15:14

I'd say £200 with them paying for their own food (and dog related things of course). If you want to share food then I'd say £300-400. Charging £600+ seems a little much but in my area you could get a studio flat for about £300-400 so wouldn't be saving any money.

hettie Sat 23-Sep-17 20:20:31

Use gumtree or another rental website to check costs of renting a room locally, then knock 25-30% off? Unless dc are in crisis/unwell/have been dumped why on earth would you subsidise an adult?

MothratheMighty Sat 23-Sep-17 20:31:58

You can either ask for a % of each wage, or take the monthly bills and divide them by 3. I'd assume that food, personal products and dog were their responsibility. You need to create an adult relationship with your DD that is different to the one you had when she was a dependent.
My DD pays £300 a month from around £1,000 take home, it's worked well.

puglady Sun 24-Sep-17 18:45:24

Thanks for the advice. £50 a week each did not go down well hmm

She thinks £300 per month between them is more than enough.

Negotiations continue.....

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