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Please help me lose weight.

(56 Posts)
Fatcow90 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:03:09

I want to talk about this as honestly as possible because I badly need help. Have tried the gp they were unhelpful and I don't want to go again because I felt like a bit of a prick if I'm honest.

My weight issues started probably when I was born. I was huge. At age 5 or 6 I asked my dad why the label said age 10-11 and he said it was because I was tall. I know that's not true now (haven't ever been tall and I'm only 5'1.5 as an adult).
We ate mostly canned and convenience food and to excess. I know that now and I'll never ever forgive my dad for feeding me what he did (reduced tesco doughnuts, passed me the whole bag and would sit there while I ate the entire fucking bag!) but I recognise I could've taken control by now. It was only when I did my first grocery shop at 16 (I moved out young) that I realised so many things (pasta, spaghetti, lasagna, some fruit, veg etc namely carrots) didn't come in a can automatically and they were available fresh. Nevertheless I mostly stuck with the meal sizes and foods that I knew because I didn't know how to cook anything else. Which I know rests firmly at MY door not anybody else's I should've made an effort to learn.
Last year I said to myself I really need to lose weight because I'm actually in a lot of pain with my back, knees and chest I believe this is to do with the weight I carry I have to get a taxi to do my grocery shopping (on the way there, not on the way back, which is understandable because I shop for the month and I'm not capable of carrying 10+ bags at once). The shop is only about a 5-10 min walk for a normal person but with frequent stopping because of the pain and lack of breath etc it can take me up to one hour. It hurts, it's so painful. it feels like I'm going to collapse sometimes. Sometimes I don't go out between running errands like paying bills (I go to the postal office to do this) and buying food which I mostly do monthly. I freeze my milk and bread and mostly eat non spoiling foods to avoid having to go weekly, though shopping itself isn't too bad as I lean on the trolley.
So, I went to the doctor and explained this. The doctor said oh well we won't refer you for a gastric band I said that's fine I don't want one I just want some help and advice on what to do.
I was told simply eat less and I said look I'm concerned about what I'm eating I don't know what is best to eat I'm struggling to eat some food like salad that I know is better for me because it just tastes horrible to me because I've never really eaten it.

Again I was given the "eat less move more"
Ok but doing what?! By the time I get to my front gate there's an uncomfortable pulling sensation. By the time I get to the front path it hurts. By the time I get to the end of my street which is about 20 houses away I need to sit and my back feels like it's on fire.

The doctor couldn't answer me and just said if you have a specific enquiry book another appointment but for now you need to leave I have another appointment.
I genuinely believe I need to
I'm trying so hard now to do this alone and I can't really see a way out I've been researching what's best to eat but it's so confusing 5:2 low carb portion control high protein high fat/low carb diets (eh? I thought fat was bad?) I don't understand what a lot of it means but I've tried to make sense of it all.

I mainly eat chicken and quorn as I don't really like other meats and it gives me more variety.

Yesterday I ate baked chicken with a small amount of curry paste rubbed in and a bowl of brown rice which was ok and today I'm trying to make a salad (with onions, spinach, iceberg lettuce and tomatoes I know it isn't much but I don't really like that much. I'm trying though) and I'll have some seasoned baked chicken with it.

I let myself down earlier though and made cheesy pasta. But I'm going to try to cut down on the amount of cheese I eat and I'm switching to brown or wholewheat versions of the foods I like and trying to eat less is that a good thing I don't really know what to do I feel so stuck and I'd love it if someone could make a bit of sense of this.

I don't want to lose a set amount of weight I just want to be able to walk and enjoy life I know the way I'm going I'll be not only dead early but up until then I won't have much of a life and I feel trapped.

I am 5'1.5 but I calculate my bmi based on 5'1 my BMI is 37 (I know, it's awful. sad )
I weigh just shy of 14.3 stone.
I'm a size 16 or 18 on the bottom and 20 on the top.

I'm so fucking ashamed that I could lose almost half my body weight and still have a healthy weight/BMI. I'm gross.

FiveShelties Wed 20-Sep-17 12:14:20

Could you write down everything you eat for a week, drink 8 glasses of water and just walk a little bit further every day. I find writing everything down makes me think about what and why I am eating, water fills me up and walking stops me sitting around and eating. Don't try to change everything because it makes losing weight just too difficult.

Good luck and do not feel ashamed - you have put weight on, nothing to be ashamed

Fatcow90 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:22:01

I feel ashamed because I'm so hopelessly ignorant, really.
Though I do feel ashamed for being fat, too.
I should drink more water really since I currently drink none but I really really hate the taste... does anyone know if it gets better?
Would flavoured waters be a good compromise? It's ok if not, just a thought...

notanurse2017 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:22:36

That all sounds really hard. I do wonder if you have other underlying health issues. I've been far far heavier than you and still been able to move without pain and the loss of breath you are describing.

I would usually recommend gentle walking but I'm not sure if you are physically capable of that at the moment? Honestly in your position I think I would go back to the GP explain all your symptoms and ask for help.

notanurse2017 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:23:30

And please stop being so hard on yourself and change your user name!

GoldenHoops Wed 20-Sep-17 12:24:38

What helped me (I was a size 28 and now I'm 14 top and 12 bottom) is to drink a glass of water when I felt the urge to eat, suck sugar free sweets if desperate, cut right down on carbs ( once a day) stopped drinking hot drinks because I always ate biscuits with them ( I drink hot water as you can't really dip biscuits in that!) Buy a hoop and a kettle ball and use you tube for the exercises. I also did pilates via you tube.
Please change your user name, think positively and it will help. You may have off days but you will do it🌹

GoldenHoops Wed 20-Sep-17 12:26:52

Try water with fresh lemon or lime slices, those flavoured waters have chemical nasties in them!

Fatcow90 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:27:21

I can do gentle walking, just. With lots of breaks, it is about all I can manage. I might do better with swimming but I can't swim properly (wasn't ever taught but can float and tred water) and I'm embarrassed to be seen by others.

I have been like this since a child, I'm not sure if I have any underlying health issues to be honest but the gp wasn't all that interested and I don't feel able to go back there sad

I'm quite heavy but I'm also very short which is what doctors in the past have blamed the bad back on, as it puts pressure on the spine or whatnot. I was hoping to lose weight and then go back if it doesn't improve but do you think I should try going to a completely different GP? I'm holding onto it improving once I've lost a bit of weight
I don't feel comfortable doing so but if it stops me being in pain fuck discomfort...

Fatcow90 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:30:17

I feel like a fat cow, though sad
I'll look up Pilates on YouTube and google what a kettle ball is.. my initial thought was kegels but then I thought no that certainly can't be right blush grin
Thank you all btw I appreciate you posting for me.
I'll try some lemon/lime in water. i just struggle because it's plain and I'm used to fizzy drinks and cordials... everything I say makes me feel worse but I'm trying to use it as more motivation to kick myself up the arse!

GoldenHoops Wed 20-Sep-17 12:34:00

It's a question of just getting used it to, you will crave your usual drinks and food, I could kill for a fatty coke right now myself. You can do it

blueskyinmarch Wed 20-Sep-17 12:36:21

Have you been to the doctor solely for the back pain? Yes you are overweight but you should still be able to walk easily.

Would you benefit from going to a class where you get a specific programme to follow? Weight watchers or slimming world? It can't be easy if you have no clue how to eat healthily but you can learn. Maybe download My fitness pal and start inputting everything you eat? That way you will get an idea if your portions are too big.

yeahforfriday Wed 20-Sep-17 12:37:53

Ok so you are over weight BUT there is big money to be made for Slimming world, Weight watchers and loads of other diet plans ou there so you are definitely not alone.

You need to find something that works for you and if you like food you ma really struggle with things like 5:2 as it is quite restricted. What are your finances like? f you struggle because you like food but have limited cooking skills have you thought about looking at the recipe boxes that deliver all ingredients and recipe plan - my mate used the hello fresh I think but there are quite a few available. If you go for the easy or low calorie options to start. My mate was not great at cooking but said it was so easy to follow and found it cheaper as she lived on her own and didn't have to go out and buy loads of spices etc. Also she tried loads of food she would nt have given a chance before.

Then be realistic about exercise. If you are worried about going out and doing it start at home. Recommendations are 10K steps a day to lose 1lb per week but that is hard to achieve if you struggle to walk so give yourself a target. Start at home, if you watch telly say right at 7pm every night I will do a 5 min March on the spot then the next week build up to 8 mins then the next 10 mins, if you can do 10 mins at home then you can do a 10 min brisk walk outside then build it up to 15 mins walk etc.

Also in my experience you need to be kind to yourself. If you have a bad day and eat everything in sight and don't move then forgive yourself and move on, the more you focus on it the more you tend to think that you may as well give up because you have done bad. Don't allow that tell yourself you have had 1 bad day and the next day get back on it. The more you exercise the easier it will get but it does take time.

user1471459936 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:38:54

You can have carbonated water with the lemon or lime!

yeahforfriday Wed 20-Sep-17 12:41:37

BTW - I say five but in reality if you can only manage 1 min then start from there.

danslenoir Wed 20-Sep-17 12:42:08

If walking causes you pain how about swimming or aqua aerobics?

As regards to educating yourself you have many options: a nutrition book or two from Amazon, or a nutrition course, or plenty of documentaries on Netflix like 'Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead'

ShoesHaveSouls Wed 20-Sep-17 12:43:45

I'm no expert, but I would say don't concentrate on exercise too much yet, as it's causing you pain, and you don't want to injure yourself.

Concentrate instead on healthy eating and portions. What you eat makes more difference to your weight than exercise anyway - and if you can lose some weight, then you will find it easier to build up some exercise later down the line. Good gentle exercises are walking and swimming.

You don't like salads much - what about vegetables? Cooked veg are more filling and tasty than salads IMO. Vegetable casseroles are lovely - google some recipes, or bung a load of veg - pick up the cheap stuff -
carrots, onions, swede, beans, cabbage, courgette, mushrooms, brocolli - whatever you can find going cheap - into a pan with some water and a can of tomatoes, some herbs, add a bit of gravy powder. You can have them with chicken, quorn, and/or a bit of potato or rice. Do stir fries to have with chicken/quorn for a bit of variety.

Forget fad diets - every diet has basically the same basis - eat a diet rich in vegetables and protein, a bit of fruit, and limit processed carbs.

Find something to do to occupy your mind, to distract you from eating. Exercise is great for that - but if you're not able to do that for a while - try crosswords, puzzles, adult colouring books, knitting, sewing, reading - anything to occupy yourself and stop you fixating on food.

delftblue Wed 20-Sep-17 12:45:24

Slimming world is really fantastic. I think it really re-educates you as to what a normal healthy diet is. People lose stones and stones on it. The emphasis is on fresh healthy food but there is room for treats too.

Eolian Wed 20-Sep-17 12:46:52

Aww OP flowers. Right - any improvement in your diet and any gentle exercise is a step in the right direction. Try to be kind to yourself and make changes that are non-faddy and very doable for you. People can lose weight on most diets, but it's keeping at it that's hard. Trying to follow faddy diets and crazy strict rules would be setting yourself up to fail.

Drink plenty of water. No sweet fizzy drinks. As many veggies/salad as you can, and some fruit. Avoid sugary stuff and go for veg based carbs (potato, sweet potato) and wholegrain stuff. Plenty of lean protein - chicken and fish are good and can be stocked up in the freezer. How about eggs too?

I saw a tip today which suggested having a vegetable 'starter' before your meal (maybe while you're cooking) - a handful of raw carrot sticks etc will take the edge off your hunger a bit and make you eat less at ypuf meal.

PosiePootlePerkins Wed 20-Sep-17 12:47:23

Please come and join us on the NoS thread. No snacks sweets or seconds except for days beginning with S. It is not a diet in the traditional sense but is all about addressing your relationship with food and forming sensible sustainable habits. It has literally saved me from years of self loathing and yoyo dieting. I have been following it for a year now and I know I will be eating this way for the rest of my life. More info here:

missperegrinespeculiar Wed 20-Sep-17 12:48:19

yes, change your username! and stop feeling ashamed! the GP sounds useless, maybe it is a good idea to try a different one just to check there isn't something else going on?

I find the 5:2 fasting really works for me, maybe try and see what you think? there are a lot of recipes and support online (even on here!)

for the drinking, if you like fizzy drinks, why don't you try fizzy mineral water with lemon or lime? (the Italian brands are my favourites!)

as for exercise, yoga is very good, too, there are beginners videos you can follow online (search yoga asanas), so it is private and free! it also helps with your mood and to relax you

good luck!

PinkHeart5913 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:51:03

What about trying sparkling water to drink with lemon/lime slices?

For breakfast could you eat Porridge/weetabix/ shredded wheat/eggs ( poached, scrambled, boiled) with wholemeal toast/peanut butter on toast

Snacks nuts/fruit

Lunch soup/ The salad bits you like with chicken ( can marinade the chicken differently each time to give variety)/ omelette with any veg you've got/ jacket potatoe with beans. Then have some full fat Greek yoghurt & maybe some blueberries for a "dessert"

Dinner you can have anything really as long as you watch the portion size. You could for example cook a veg chilli and have more of the chilli but a small portion of rice or use broccoli rice.
Do a Spag Bol have more of the meat bit and a small portion of spaghetti & do some steamed veg ( carrot, broccoli, cauliflower) on the side
Make a sweet potato, chickpea & spinach curry have more of the curry and less rice.

Walk as much as your able too
Drink more water as it does help you feel full
Remember that fat isn't bad

Could you download My fitness pal and log your food for a while so you can see where your going right/wrong?

Fatcow90 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:51:23

My finances are ok, but I'm not rich so while I'm not trying to feed myself on £10 a week I don't really have the £££ for a recipe box like hello fresh.
I don't really like cooked vegetables, though I do like some like carrots, sweet potato (not sure if that's a vegetable or a carb tbh), tomatoes, onions (is that a herb or a vegetable? blush ) I like peas and sweetcorn oh and peppers. But that's about it. No chance of me eating brocolli and I dislike cooked spinach (will eat it raw if I can hide the flavour with onion or some such).

I'm not just overweight, due to my height and weight combined I am obese. I know you can be healthy at 12/13/14 stone but my maximum healthy weight is I believe around 9.5 stone.
So I am more than overweight and it's not uncommon (so doctors tell me) for obese people to experience shortness of breath and pain which is what it's been put down to (my weight, that is). I don't know if there's an underlying issue but I suspect not. Surely if there was I would've had either a major problem by now or a doctor would've picked up on it?

Eolian Wed 20-Sep-17 12:51:31

If you're used to sweet fizzy drinks, then weaning yourself off them is one of the very best things you can do for yourself! It is a habit, nothing more. Go cold turkey -
you will be forcing yourself at first but you'll get used to water (with or without a squeeze of lemon or lime). I used to hate tea and coffee without sugar and weaned myself off it. Now I truly find it revolting with sugar in!

Wellhellothere1 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:52:08

I think joining a slimming club like weight watchers or skimming world world be really helpful to you. I did this years ago and the combination of weekly talks which educate you about nutrition and being weighed in public really works to motivate you. Good luck

Eolian Wed 20-Sep-17 12:53:24

That's a reasonable bunch of veg that you like. Stick to those at first, and plenty of them. Then when you're feeling brave, try adding a new one to the list!

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