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How to handle this behaviour

(10 Posts)
Notsoyummi Wed 20-Sep-17 11:58:31

Dd can be really bold This morning she wanted me to write a note in her journal to say she left her Irish book in school so irish homework wasn't done.It's not first time books left in school or at home she is very scatterbrained so I told her she has to remember to bring all her books home she ends up banging hairbrush off wall attacked her younger brother and poured her tea on floor.Asked her too wash teeth said she did I checked her toothbrush it was dry so I made her wash them in front of me. Off she went on her bike I got ds in car to go caught up on her then she purposely wobbled out in front of me so I couldn't pass I thought I was going to hit her so stayed behind till we got to school.I am at the end of my thether with her if she was 18 I would seriously kick her out but she's only 11. I seriously can't cope with her anymore.

Notsoyummi Wed 20-Sep-17 11:59:40

Not the first time!

TheViceOfReason Wed 20-Sep-17 13:45:13

For a start she clearly cannot be trusted on her bike if she's so wobbly on it you nearly ran her down, so obviously that will have to be chained up by you until she's mature enough.... wink

If she can't manage to drink a cup of tea without pouring it on the floor, she will have to have water out a childs spillproof cup.

Your note to the teacher of course said that you support any sanctions for forgetting to take home the things she needed to do her homework? Maybe having to spend her lunch time indoors doing the homework instead?

I'm sure she will very quickly focus her mind when her life isn't so easy.

Notsoyummi Wed 20-Sep-17 13:51:08

The vice she purposely pored tea on floor it wasn't an accident and she is capable of cycling to school she just done that so I couldn't pass her.She sometimes shoves me and very often calls me stupid f**cker usually when in company but under her breath so only I can hear !

TheViceOfReason Wed 20-Sep-17 15:15:54

Yes, i get that both things were deliberate.

My point was to say to her that if she can't handle cycling safely or drinking out a cup she will be treated like a baby - no bike our water our a sippy cup.

I guarantee after a couple of days she will suddenly remember how to behave.

And what do you do when she calls you a stupid fucker? I'd suggest an icey glare a loud "what did you just say" will give her a shock - if she's saying it under her breath so only you can hear then it's because she well understands that it is not acceptable but doesn't expect you to react.

Notsoyummi Wed 20-Sep-17 16:11:49

I usually give her the death stare and say really loudly did u just call me a stupid f**kernel she still does it.She acts like an angel in public so she knows how to behave just acts up for me.We recently moved her bed and stuff upstairs to spare room so she could have her own bathroom.I brought her to city shopping at weekend just me and her basically I am nice to her but she treats me like shit I feel such a failure as her mother 😭

Notsoyummi Wed 20-Sep-17 16:12:59

I feel like she hates me😟

AlternativeTentacle Wed 20-Sep-17 16:13:50

but she treats me like shit I feel such a failure as her mother

You need to reread the first response to this and start managing her and not letting her manage you.

HerOtherHalf Wed 20-Sep-17 16:17:34

I feel like she hates me

She's your daughter, of course she doesn't hate you. You need to be stricter though and demand respect. If any of my children had ever dared call me a "stupid fucker" they would have got a damned sight more than a death stare. The problem is, if you let them away with it once they will keep doing it and it gets harder for you to regain control. Stop being so soft, you're not doing them or yourself any favours.

TheViceOfReason Wed 20-Sep-17 16:20:56

So what are YOU doing to deter her from this behaviour? So far it's either nothing or doing nice things (giving her a better room / new things / own bathroom).

It sounds like you allow her to walk over you - so she does.

She needs clear consequences to her actions.

Can't be trusted to ride a bike sensibly? Chain it up.

Can't be trusted to drink a cup of tea? Water out a childs sippy cup.

Calls you rude names? Immediately back home and sent to her room with no TV / gadgets.

You need to parent her - she needs boundaries and real consequences for rude / destructive behaviour.

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