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How to get DS back to school after being excluded

(65 Posts)
EnglishRose1320 Wed 20-Sep-17 06:45:42

DS had a half days exclusion yesterday, for repeated deviance. DS has autism and had a situation where he couldn't cope in class, he became non verbal and the class teacher called in senior staff. Due to the fact he has shut down he didn't engage with them either and was excluded for the rest of the day.
Not particularly happy about the exclusion but it's happened. My big issue now is pursauding DS to go back to school. He has done less than 2 weeks at secondary school. This exclusion has caused him to loose trust in the few teachers he knew so far and he never wants to be in school again. He feels very angry and hurt atm
Any tips would be really appreciated.

Notreallyarsed Wed 20-Sep-17 06:49:30

He was punished for becoming distressed? The school sound awful OP, can you speak to them and find a way that they'll understand your DSs needs and help him back to school? Exclusion for becoming non verbal and not engaging seems extremely harsh.

Evelynismyspyname Wed 20-Sep-17 06:52:39

Start by calling the school and asking to speak to the senco, they should be able to help you through this and set up better ways of coping once your DS is back in school.

BlackeyedSusan Wed 20-Sep-17 06:52:55

You need to meet with them and reiterate that he was not becoming deviant, he was being disabled. just as much as a child with no legs would refuse to get up and walk. or a blind child refuse to read the board.

use the exclusion as an example of them failing to help him properly.

check out the sen boards (chat or children) and ask for advice there.

BlackeyedSusan Wed 20-Sep-17 06:53:17

defiant/ sorry

WhataHexIgotinto Wed 20-Sep-17 06:53:31

What punishment do you believe would have been more appropriate for repeated defiance and not engaging with staff?

I ask that in a genuine way, as perhaps you need to discuss agreed strategies with the school to ensure this doesn't happen again. Does your DS have an EHCP or care plan? I'm assuming the school were following their behaviour policy.

Spottytop1 Wed 20-Sep-17 06:55:22

It does also say defiance- what defiant behaviour was exhibited OP!

In order to get him back to school
Can you arrange a meeting with school - particularly senco & form tutor to discuss ways forward, reinforce expectations and provide support systems for your son such as cards to allow him time out of class if he becomes overwhelmed.

Notreallyarsed Wed 20-Sep-17 06:55:57

What punishment do you believe would have been more appropriate for repeated defiance and not engaging with staff?

There is an enormous difference between a NT child deliberately being defiant and not engaging, and a child with SN becoming unable to engage or speak. The first requires punishment, the latter requires an adjustment of how things are handled in order to prevent distress.

Ditto the behaviour policy, it is aimed at NT kids. To punish a child for actions he cannot control is ignorant, exclusionary and cruel.

EnglishRose1320 Wed 20-Sep-17 06:57:24

They said it was due to the length of time it took and the fact that they had to remove the rest of the class. When they said they had to remove the rest of the class I assumed maybe my DS had started lying on the floor and screaming or something but no he had refused to answer a teacher and they couldn't have the rest of the class thinking that disobedience was acceptable.
I feel gutted, we picked this school over the local school because it was meant be able to cope with his needs far more and up until yesterday I would have said that was the case.
I don't want to loose all faith in the school and I want to move forward with a positive plan in place for DS. On collecting him yesterday Oh and I made it very clear what Ds's needs were and I am hoping they will have things in place for in the future.
However I have no idea how on earth I will get my son in today. My son who is terrified of all things new, who panics about being on the bottom floor when we are all on the top floor. Who yesterday felt confident enough to get the train to school on his own and that massive achievement was pulled out from right under his feet only an hour or so later.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 20-Sep-17 06:58:27

Okay the exclusion has happened and can't unhappen. However this needs looking at. Surely there should have been allowances made. They know his condition. He wasn't defiant. He was afraid, and I' angry that wasn't taken into consideration.
I'm going to be honest with you op. I don't blame him for not wanting to go back there. I'm surprised you want him to go back there as well, because they clearly haven't got a clue about autsim. Is moving schools an option
I know it'll be daunting but going back there will be daunting for him in anycase

BlackeyedSusan Wed 20-Sep-17 06:59:54

remind them of para 6.28 of the send cop.

ring them before he cgoes back and ask for a meeting as you are not confident they can meeet the needs of his disability.

WhataHexIgotinto Wed 20-Sep-17 07:06:53

Notreallyarsed I completely agree, perhaps the word punishment was wrong, what I was trying to ask was what the OP believes should have happened to address the defiant behaviour. As it is 'repeated', clearly something is not working for her DS so I would have expected there to have been some communication previously.

With regards the behaviour policy, clearly each incident must be treated differently depending on the child's needs, but I don't believe that any child in school should be exempt from it. My DS whacked another child last year who was antagonising him and though it was hard to stomach, I knew that his autism shouldn't mean that he didn't have any consequences for his actions.

EnglishRose1320 Wed 20-Sep-17 07:08:25

Awwlook- the other local school has even less of a clue about disability. We spent ages researching schools, also looking into what he can manage and he won't manage a longer commute.

Black eyed susan- they have arranged a meeting for 8 today to get him back into school and they have arranged an emergency tac for Thursday. I think they got the point that this wasn't acceptable and couldn't happen again.

Prior to today they have handled his needs well, letting him sit in the heads office and read a book in the morning until he felt ready for class. Finding a quiet space for his lunch. Organising drama therapy and a mentor. So this has been totally out of the blue and feels like a massive over reaction.

Which document is that?

LindyHemming Wed 20-Sep-17 07:10:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnglishRose1320 Wed 20-Sep-17 07:13:00

Whathex- the repeated bit really upset me, until yesterday he has only had positive behaviour marks. He has been late into lessons a couple of times due to his aniexty but this was handled well. They are claiming it was repeated because he was given several chances to leave the room by several different people. By the time they were trying that he had lost all thinking and was trying desperately to shut everything out so he did not have a massive meltdown. He wasn't repeatly ignoring them he was trying so hard to control the situation and was completely locked inside himself

FaithAgain Wed 20-Sep-17 07:16:24

So they excluded him because he was overwhelmed and it affected the rest of the class? hmm

I'm not particularly knowledgeable about facilitating his return to school, but have you read 'The explosive child' by Ross W Greene? It might just help your identify his specific issues and help you to did strategies to help him - some things you can pass on to school.

Hasthebellgone Wed 20-Sep-17 07:23:14

Ask them for their SEND policy for excluded kids. This makes me so angry. The DFE guidance states they need to take his needs into consideration and support accordingly.

Mainstream behaviour policies only loosely apply to SEND students. angry

guggenheim Wed 20-Sep-17 07:23:31

I'm so sorry this has happened. Appalling decision from school. I would keep him off for the day and let him relax, he must be very anxious right now. Call school and say he has a terrible d&v virus.

spend the day phoning parent partnership, NAS , ipsea for advice. I've been in exactly this situation. I made lots of calls to LA as well - think I phoned every number I could until I got some kind of help. We had an advocate who came and spoke to the school Whichthat helped a little.

The school sounds like they have a poor understanding of autism which isn't good enough. I wonder if you have an EHCP?
Email the head and outline your concerns, then request that he/ she replies in writing. What adjustments are they going to make in order to help your Ds?

Have the return to school meeting with the HT and SENCO and ask for adjustments to be made. Record what they say and leave them in no doubt that you are prepared to take this to governors and further if they choose to exclude your Ds for being autistic.

I'm so sorry, I suspect that you have a big fight on your hands obviously your main concern today is the welfare of your Ds.

I removed my Ds from a school which was bloody awful and he's now thriving at an excellent school. Please post on the Sen board , loads more advice over there.

MynewnameisKy Wed 20-Sep-17 07:30:20

@Englishrose123 I would suggest you repost this in SN Chat where you will get more advice from Posters who have come up against similar situations. flowers

WhataHexIgotinto Wed 20-Sep-17 07:30:34

Indeed what you mean about the repeated defiance OP, I thought you meant it was over a period of days etc. Does he have an EHCP? I think you need a meeting with the SENDCo and HT.

Foxyloxy1plus1 Wed 20-Sep-17 09:01:12

Any exclusion should be followed by a reintegration meeting, which is an opportunity to explore what happened and to discuss strategies to avoid a similar future occurrence.

Did he have any enhanced induction before starting school? I used to invite students with parents and perhaps a TA, to come in on a usual day, look around the school, take photos of places that they would be spending time in, people they would be working with etc. They could come in several times if necessary.

Where is the special needs department here? Does the SENCo know about the situation? Does your son have an EHCP and support?

Allington Wed 20-Sep-17 09:15:42

I would keep him off school (if you're able) until the school have said how it will be handled differently in future, and how they will make sure that all his teachers know what has been agreed. Perhaps even a letter form the Head that he keeps in his bag in case he gets a supply teacher or there is a last minute change for whatever reason. Get the Head to explain to DS what will be done differently if he gets overwhelmed again in future (which, realistically, it probably will occasionally).

On the plus side, it sounds as if the school have been supportive in all the anticipated situations where they could think about it and make a plan before having to react - they don't seem to 'get it' completely, but hopefully they'll be as open to hear about a better way of handling it. If they are willing to learn then they are better than many of the schools I've encountered sad

DD (adopted, and very quickly gets scared, overwhelmed and freezes because of past abuse) got 3 demerits one day in her first year of primary - for saying nothing. The teacher decided this was 'being disrespectful to an adult', despite me having told her that DD freezes if put on the spot. To put that in context, in the school's behaviour code 3 demerits would be issued if she physically attacked another pupil. So being terrified is as bad as assault angry

In the end I needed to get everyone outside the school from the LA, to SW, to inclusive education person to back up what I was saying, and it took 3 1/2 years. This school was the best of a bad choice.

Hopefully your school will be more caring and responsive - it sounds as if they have been so far, so perhaps give them a chance to put it right... but if not, then do as Guggenheim suggests and put pressure from outside the school.

whatahex I think freezing (which doesn't hurt anyone) is rather different from hitting someone hmm

TheFallenMadonna Wed 20-Sep-17 09:20:23

Do you have a readmission meeting? Ask for the SENCO to be present. Ask for the information that has been sent to all staff regarding how to supper him in lessons. If it doesn't have suitable strategies, or no information has been sent, agree them in the meeting and ask that they be distributed to all staff that day.

TheFallenMadonna Wed 20-Sep-17 09:20:46


MynewnameisKy Wed 20-Sep-17 09:56:19

Does the school have a Learning resources room or something like that. Dd has a few strategies in place eg. time out card which allows her to leave classroom when feeling overwhelmed for ten minutes, goes to learning resources during cover classes due to change in routine and because these tend to be noisy classes. Also has a mentor she can go to when feeling particularly stressed.

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