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Ds, 4yo, hitting others in reception class

(15 Posts)
Haggisfish Tue 19-Sep-17 20:07:54

Ds is a strong child with no real concept of his own strength. He will often hit out if other children try to take toys or don't leave him alone when he's playing.Immediate threats/consequences don't really bother him. He has potentially got some asd traits but can communicate and has empathy etc. He just can't seem to think before lashing out. Any advice? No violence st home or anything I can think of that would 'inspire' him as it were!

FloorOpenSwallow Tue 19-Sep-17 20:40:05

What are they doing. Needs dealing with immediately at that age. Pointless punishing later when he's likely forgotten about it. Just remind of kind hands etc give him some things to say e.g.
Stop, I'm playing. You can have it after.
I'm playing this, do you want to play too?
Remind him to tell teacher if he's not sure what to do.

Haggisfish Tue 19-Sep-17 20:47:41

I'm not sure what their strategies are yet. I'm assuming since it's quite a big class with lots of space that it's happening when teacher hasn't seen the potential for an incident and so it escalates quickly. We intervene at home, as did nursery, but I think it must be more difficult in reception. Just don't want him labelled as 'that bully' or something.

Haggisfish Tue 19-Sep-17 20:51:53

We tried reminding him of prompts to use but I'm not sure if he has used them or not. Would it be totally ott to suggest I could come in on my day off to trail him to remind him!?

RedBlackberries Tue 19-Sep-17 20:52:47

Dd is the same. I agree it needs to be dealt with at the time and not later on.

Before school in the morning we have the same talk with hand gestures:

No pushing
No hitting Be kind and ask the teacher if you're not sure.

It's tough isn't it sad

FloorOpenSwallow Tue 19-Sep-17 20:53:42

I don't know. We're allowed in but expected to make an appointment to visit, and sit at the back of the class to observe rather than interact.

Haggisfish Tue 19-Sep-17 21:13:41

Ah ok-it might not be quite as off the wall to request as I thought! I'd be happy just to watch him. It is tough.

Della1 Tue 19-Sep-17 21:19:00

I wouldn't go in to school to trail him. They have their own way of dealing with things. I think you need to talk with the teacher, voice your concerns, ask how they are handling it, see how best you can support them and your son. It's likely that one of the teaching assistants is keeping an eye on things.

educatingarti Tue 19-Sep-17 21:22:53

If your ds has some ASD traits, could you write a social story ( google to find articles on what they are) about what to do when someone takes a toy.
Write in voice of child. My name is ... And I am in x class in y school. I like to play with z toys. Sometimes when I am playing with a toy, another child will try and take it. I feel cross about this and it is OK to feel cross. When I feel cross I sometimes hit the other child. This is not OK. Instead I can say "No childname. I am playing with this right now. You can play later!" Etc

Once you have written the story read it with your child frequently. Try each night for a school week, then a couple of nights the next few weeks etc. It sounds a bit daft but it may well work!

Coloursthatweremyjoy Tue 19-Sep-17 21:26:22

School need to get some strategies and fast. They should be able to tell you exactly what their plan is.

I know there are 30 other kids etc etc but at the end of the day, you aren't there, the staff are and as a PP said, consequences and explanations need to be immediate at that age.

For you at home...there is a series of books..."hands are not for hitting", "feet are not for kicking" and some others. I've used these effectively before with 4 year olds.

Keep talking to him, he will get it but if there is ASD he may just need a little longer.

Coloursthatweremyjoy Tue 19-Sep-17 21:28:13

For what it's worth. My son has ASD and there was no way I could sit in the class and "observe and not react".

Starlight2345 Tue 19-Sep-17 21:28:32

Do you talk about what he could of dine instead? At that age they don't have the ability to explain why..But can do role play and other ways to solve the issues.

I would also talk to the school about how long issues have been going on.

Haggisfish Tue 19-Sep-17 23:08:57

Some really useful ideas here, thank you. Ds' school seem very on the ball in terms of assessing and coming up with action plan for support-they have asked us into meeting next week, less than three weeks after term starting, so it's a positive start! Will definitely get books mentioned and do more role play-we do this for other situations so it should help a bit (!).

educatingarti Wed 20-Sep-17 07:49:57

Do ask them about social stories. They work far better than you might imagine from my description.

Haggisfish Thu 21-Sep-17 21:26:23

Update-ds' school have been fab. They think he's on autistic spectrum and have given him a quiet place to sit which ds has used lots. His behaviour got a lot worse, very quickly. School responded immediately and have got ball rolling in terms of formal assessment as well.

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