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Your DMIL....

(25 Posts)
maddiemookins16mum Tue 19-Sep-17 18:58:49

I've had a bad couple of days with annoying neighbours (see my aibu thread), the one person who made total sense was my DMIL.
NOW, I totally accept that some MIL's are awful, plain awful (despite the fact she raised your partner/husband etc but you still married them).
My DMIL is amazing. Yep, she purchased a few dodgy dresses for DD (which I always without fail dressed her in when granny was coming, why wouldn't ??). Yep she did make a slight face when DD had a nappy in bed at 4 years old, but hey.

This is perhaps an unusual appreciation thread for those MIL out there.

Mine, books theatre tickets for me and her to see a show in London (once a year). She also books a hotel, with breakfast. She also (bless her 83 year old heart, yep really), packs 4 mini liquers (like Baileys, Tia Maria etc) so when we get back from said show, she can get them out of her case for our night cap.

Her words are 'I've got us a wee nightcap hen" (she's scottish by the way).
I actually think it's the highlight of her year, bless her lovely heart.

winkywinkybumbum Tue 19-Sep-17 19:19:06

She sounds like a gem. smile

MrsZB Tue 19-Sep-17 19:23:14

She sounds lovely.

I have really tried with mine but she is a frosty closed book who shows zero interest in me and flinches when I show interest in her so I have given up now.

WitchSharkadder Tue 19-Sep-17 19:24:32

She sounds lovely smile

My DMIL is amazing. She always offers help but never interferes and knows when to back off. She's been the one person who I've truly been able to be honest with regarding my mental health and has listened, never judged, facilitated my recovery and given me her support. Love her.

DarthMaiden Tue 19-Sep-17 19:28:47

My MIL is Glaswegian and is also lovely.

Generous to a fault, hugely kind and adores her grandchildren.

She doesn't interfere, turn up unannounced, overstay her welcome, overstep boundaries with parenting etc etc

The only faults I can claim are listing to impromptu piano recitals (she started to learn when she retired) which were occasionally hard on the ears grinand spending far too much on the kids at Christmas.....

My own DM is equally wonderful and DH has no MIL issues either.

Frankly we have great parents all round as DF and FIL are good eggs as well.

I feel really blessed reading some of the threads on here about parents and what some people deal with.

I do think that obviously there is a weight of people posting because they have an issue rather than a generalisation of the majority of people having problematic relationships with parents and in laws.

Frouby Tue 19-Sep-17 19:38:54

My MIL was lovely. Dry as they come, feisty as fuck, went out on the lash with me and dp and adored my dd from a previous relationship. And genuinely adored her. She survived 2 heart attacks, 2 strokes and had a double mastectomy and had her boobs rebuilt. Said to me she had bionic tits but needes the matching bionic heart.

She didn't as she had a heart of gold. She was already terminally ill when I met her. From heart failure caused by the chemotherapy for the breast cancer.

She told me lots of things about dp and dfil who is an absolute cunt. She told me to look after her boy (dp) but keep him in line and never take any shit. She told me always put my kids first and me second. Dp would fit in or fuck off. She also told me to not get lumbered with dfil when he gets old and incapable od looking of looking after himself because he is a cunt and she should have left him years ago.

She was an amazing woman. A staff nurse for 30 years and an amazing, amazing woman. I look at ds that she never met and I mourn for the nan he never met.

maddiemookins16mum Tue 19-Sep-17 19:44:49

She (my MIL) says I make better Cottage Pie than her and also my curries (half from scatch 😉) are the best she's tasted. We also run her around a fair bit ( a lot), for which she tries to sneak a fiver in my hand. I hear her rustling in her mahoosive bag to get her purse and I say 'Edna (not her name), I'm not taking money from yo so don't even try'. Know what, she turns up with 4 packs of Cadburys mini rolls (on offer) and says "put them in the cupboard hen, they'll do my funeral tea'. God love her.

CigarsofthePharoahs Tue 19-Sep-17 19:53:11

She sounds lovely!
I wish I'd been able to meet my mil. She passed away from heart failure long before DH and I met. She did sound like a lovely woman though, and she'd have kept our children in handmade knitwear for a very long time! I've seen examples of her work, she was very talented.
I did get to know my fil, though he died before we were married. I am sad that dh's parents never got to meet our children. I know how proud fil was of DH!
Shame dh's half brothers all turned out to be nasty though.

Callamia Tue 19-Sep-17 19:53:38

She's kind and lets us get on with things.

She probably doesn't quite love most of the things that we do, we live quite differently to her, but she doesn't (openly) judge, and makes us breakfast in bed. She also buys good presents. I like her.

SusanTheGentle Tue 19-Sep-17 20:02:38

I love my DMIL as well - she's kind, generous, never interferes, occasionally collars my DH when she thinks he's taking the piss/being lazy in our lives (I don't whinge to her at all, I think that's disloyal, she just KNOWS!)

She lets us be, but she's always there when needed and we genuinely enjoy spending time with her and DFIL, who is equally lovely.

IrnBruTortie Tue 19-Sep-17 20:06:02

Like cigars I have never met my MIL as she (and my FIL) died before I met DH. By all accounts to I'd have loved them both though. The family always say I'd have been a bit intimidated by my FIL, but once I'd realised he was happy to have a good argument, and I'd not backed down I'd have been fine. And I'd always have know my MIL was rooting for me.
I do have my wonderful, wonderful SIL though, and at 20 years older than me I pretend she's my MIL. We don't see her often as she lives miles away and isn't in the best of health, but every time I've needed her she's always been there. When I had my m/c and also my DC she was here the next morning having driven through the night. She never interfered, tells me always I'm doing right, and to listen to my instincts, and loves me unconditionally. If her mother was anything like her, I'd have landed on my feet.

paddypants13 Tue 19-Sep-17 20:22:23

I don't have a dmil (she passed away when dh was a child) but my dfil is an absolute sweetheart. Yes, he annoys me sometimes but so does everyone else on the planet!!

EastMidsGPs Tue 19-Sep-17 20:26:15

I never met my MIL, but have to say she did a damn good job of raising her son!

Kintan Tue 19-Sep-17 20:35:34

I love mine too. She is really great company, and is close to all of her (4) children and their spouses, plus is a brilliant grandmother as well. If I had met her elsewhere in life we would definitely have become friends. She is one of life's good guys for sure smile

RainyDayBear Tue 19-Sep-17 21:28:24

My MIL and I have our differences and clash a bit sometimes, but she is a really nice person. She looked after DD almost full time for a short period when I had to temporarily go back to work full time. One day, when I had to stay for a parents evening and no time to pop home, she drove DD on an hour and a half round trip to see me for thirty minutes at work, as it was the first time I would have been apart from 8 month old DD all day and I was so upset. Will never forget the kindness of that!

redexpat Tue 19-Sep-17 21:32:01

My MIL has got my kids tonight so i can prepare and then go to my job interview tomorrow morning without having to get 2 under5s to daycare. Shes wonderful. I love her.

Ttbb Tue 19-Sep-17 21:35:24

My MIL has recently undergone a transformation from being judgemental and shouty to incredibly supportive and helpful. I don't know what has happened but I am in love.

Bumbumtaloo Tue 19-Sep-17 21:37:25

My MIL is amazing. She has endured more heartache than anyone ever should.

She singlehandedly raised DH and his brother after leaving her physically and mentally abusive husband.

She had breast cancer and we were told the prognosis was not good, she somehow made it out of the other side.

She adores our DC.

All in all I'm thankful that I have her as part of my life and I love her to bits.

SunSeptember Tue 19-Sep-17 21:37:48

She sounds lovely op
But I don't understand why you can't appreciate her without strange digs at those of us who have marriage wrecking mils? My mil dragged my DH up and broke him into a shell of a man who was in intense therapy when I met him, she's controlling domineering woman who makes our lives a misery. Appreciate your lovely mil, they do exist because lovely people do exist, but please don't side swipe at those who are struggling.

maddiemookins16mum Tue 19-Sep-17 21:54:28

Oh SunSeptember, you are EXACTLY why I posted this in CHAT and not AIBU.
I don't believe there was any 'side sweep' at anyone else but there's always you.

Penfold007 Tue 19-Sep-17 21:55:30

My MIL is no bother. She was widowed far too early but has come through her loss and is amazing. My DM is another story.

Owl1011 Tue 19-Sep-17 21:56:16

I love my mil - she is currently doing most of the redecorating in our house as both DH and I work full time with a lot of travel. Always takes care of anything needing doing without interfering and we can alway count on her for help and support when needed. Can have a really honest conversation with her as well and she doesn't judge - absolutely priceless

YouCantArgueWithStupid Tue 19-Sep-17 22:03:06

@SunSeptember jeeeeez my MIL is the biggest twat ever but I think it's a lovely thread.

BewareOfTheToddler Tue 19-Sep-17 22:10:35

Mine is....interesting. But to be fair, she has a lot of positives. She is very hands-off and leaves us to get on with things, is smitten with DS, doesn't expect much from us bar phone calls and a few visits each year (and frequency is for her and DP to sort out between them), and is very generous given her limited income. And she did a cracking job raising DP single-handedly. I could have done a lot worse.

Karatema Tue 19-Sep-17 22:16:53

I'm a MiL to 2 wonderful DiLs. I hope they think of me with the same sense of appreciation that you, OP and PPs, do.

I base my 'MiL' on my own MiL who was amazing with her support, gave me room to make my own mistakes but never criticised. Her door was always open.

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