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Daughters health visitor

(67 Posts)
Fuckit2017 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:22:27

My daughter is pregnant and has a health visitor. They talk about howxsge feels about being pregnant is she bonding with baby what has she got ready and things like that. Yesterday she told daughter if baby cries she must pick him up right away and not let him cry at all. Why is she telling her that? I would have thought hv would say it's ok for baby to cry a bit like when your making a cup of tea or something to eat.

Sirzy Tue 19-Sep-17 10:26:01

And if she has said to leave the baby to cry people would complain!

I am no fan of HVs from personal experience but can't get upset about that comment!

TittyGolightly Tue 19-Sep-17 10:26:59

Health visitors usually don't get involved until baby has arrived.

Sounds like your daughter's midwife is giving great advice for the newborn days.

Lunde Tue 19-Sep-17 10:29:21

Why not let your dd deal with this. It's up to her which of the baby dos and don't she chooses to act on.

RyanStartedTheFire Tue 19-Sep-17 10:30:24

Health visitors do get involved before baby is born now. I think she's given good advice but obviously your DD needs to use her own intuition alongside that advice. She can't tell people to leave their children to cry as a professional.

Sparklingbrook Tue 19-Sep-17 10:32:38

I didn't know HV get involved before the baby was born. Where does the budget for that come from? They were cutting MW visits after the baby was born from what I can gather.

The HV can say whatever she wants but your daughter as the baby's mother can parent however she likes, making her own decisions.

Lj8893 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:33:41

I think that's quite sensible advice.

I'm surprised your dd is seeing a health visitor regularly antenatally though, in our area women are "lucky" to even have a phone call from a HV antenatally.

theEagleIsLost Tue 19-Sep-17 10:36:42

Health visitors usually don't get involved until baby has arrived.

I saw HV before first baby was born - was how it was done in that area.

That one told me to turn the handles upside down on rental property doors so child wouldn't be able to get through the doors. We had baby gates stacked in the hall way and by time pfb could do handles we were moving out of that property. I think it was a useful tip she was passing on - just not useful to us.

I know my parents and IL were big on leaving baby to cry because they were all told it was good for the babies lungs - apparently. We didn't tend to not least as bf made it very uncomfortable for me and I leaked heavily when pfb cried and we were happy with co-sleeping and carrying.

Maudlinmaud Tue 19-Sep-17 10:37:52

Is your daughter finding pregnancy tough?

Spam88 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:41:39

This is standard advice from health care professionals. There's research that shows that the more you respond to your baby the more their brain develops.

Fuckit2017 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:43:21

No she's not. She's quite ok with it. But worried about labour but no different than anyone else would be. She's looking after herself has almost everything she needs. Hv gos on about how she should be talking to her bump and stroking it. Dd says that's just not her but it does not mean she's not happy or bounding in her own way.

MissBax Tue 19-Sep-17 10:44:22

What are you so offended by?

AreWeThereYet000 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:45:25

HV come for a home visit before baby arrives in my area too - did she mean it in the way don't let them cry until distressed as in it's okay to pick them up straight away? As many people and professionals do advise to leave the baby to cry (personally I can only leave them long enough to make a drink/get dressed etc) and if that was one of your daughters worries she could have replied that then pick the baby up?

Fuckit2017 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:45:30

Not offended

MrsOverTheRoad Tue 19-Sep-17 10:45:52

HV's are not experts.

They say crap a lot!

Tell your DD it's FINE to walk away sometimes.

My sister who has four well adjusted children told me when I had my first, that if it is all getting too much, it's fine to leave the baby in it's cot or basket and walk out to calm down myself.

RyanStartedTheFire Tue 19-Sep-17 10:46:04

I would try and take a step back. Your DD needs to be able to fight these battles herself and make her own judgements on things.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Tue 19-Sep-17 10:46:39

Sparkling It's always happened in my area (right back to when my mum had me & mil had dh, so the 80's) & I inderstand its now pretty standard countrywide. You get a postnatal vitis to introduce you to the service sometime during the 3rd trimester.

OP she wouldn't be a very good hv if she advocated just letting a newborn cry. Yes they do have to sometimes when you're halfway through a wee & no it doesn't harm them to cry for 2 minutes but the hv gets 10-20 minute appointments so it's quickest just to say don't let them & assume the parents to be will use common sense.

Sparklingbrook Tue 19-Sep-17 10:47:48

Maybe you could get your DD some books to read about the first few weeks with a baby then she can make her own decisions.

Maudlinmaud Tue 19-Sep-17 10:53:31

I can count on one hand the number of times I saw my HV in 5 years. Not enough really and I definitely didn't see her pre birth, so it's nice to read this has changed.
Smile and nod would be the advice I'd offer your daughter.

Fuckit2017 Tue 19-Sep-17 10:56:18

mrsovertheroad yes that is what I told Dd. I told her she will learn the different cries. As well and if she' needs to do something quickly that's ok to.

WalkanTalk Tue 19-Sep-17 11:00:10

Ours came out with this sort of bollocks too. Well, in our opinion it was bollocks. And damn weird really. HVs seem to advise waaaaayyyy out of their professional boundaries IME.

It's all opinion though isn't it. Clearly your daughter's HV doesn't realise this part, and is passing on her opinion as professional fact.

If I were your daughter I'd just say 'yes ok' to it all and just... do what she wants.

They go away quicker if you just say 'yes ok' 🙄

I wonder if age is a factor too? I'm younger than a lot of mums in the area and did wonder if HV thought she had to educate me on the ways of the world hmm (awkward as I have a degree in early years teaching and took newborn days in my stride. And very annoying for my man who has a good 12 years on me.)
Maybe she's doing similar with your daughter?

Hatstand Tue 19-Sep-17 11:23:50

Sometimes when DM or DMIL give me baby advice, I'll say 'oh but the health visitor said...' instead of telling them I disagree with them.

paxillin Tue 19-Sep-17 11:32:38

I told my health visitor not to come back, she was stressing me out. Super helpful the first few visits, but then not so much.

I said no thanks to further visits, they are supposed to be helping the new mum and baby and can be turned down if they are not.

WalkanTalk Tue 19-Sep-17 11:35:22

Pax I wish we'd been as brave as you. Well done.

Creatureofthenight Tue 19-Sep-17 11:42:21

I think the HV didn't explain herself well. I think they are trying to bust the popularly held belief that you can "spoil" a small baby if you pick it up whenever it cries.

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