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Staying at a friends & she is behaving appallingly.

(166 Posts)
Fosterdog123 Mon 18-Sep-17 13:49:11

I am currently on day 3 of a 2 week break at a friends house, with her, her husband and 2 older children. I've known her for 15 years, spent lots of time with her, met her through work and she's absolutely lovely. Only, it turns out that she is an absolute tyrant with her family. She belittles them, especially the husband and is a screeching bully. It's all day too. She rules the house with an iron fist and everyone is literally on pins waiting for the next instruction. It's just awful and my anxiety is through the roof. I'm just blending into the background as much as possible. I wish her husband would just tell her to fuck right off but he just swallows it and tries desperately to appease her. For a host of reasons, I can't go home, so I'm stuck here. I came for a specific reason that I need to see through. I think I just need to go on lots of long walks!!

LindyHemming Mon 18-Sep-17 13:50:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrightonBelleCat Mon 18-Sep-17 13:51:34

Why are you there for two weeks is there anything nearby you can do?

Fosterdog123 Mon 18-Sep-17 13:52:43

I haven't got the car with me and we are in the middle of nowhere.

MagnumAddict Mon 18-Sep-17 13:53:05

You have my sympathy but two weeks is a crazy amount of time to stay at someone's house! What were you thinking??!

MaxPepsi Mon 18-Sep-17 13:53:26

Can you take her with you on the walks?
Give her family some space?
Presumably away from them she'll revert back to the lovely version of herself that you know??

BrightonBelleCat Mon 18-Sep-17 13:53:50

Is she alright? Or do her family seem used to it?

Fosterdog123 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:00:52

I'm here for 2 weeks for a very specific reason but I really don't think I can stick around that long. She won't come out with me on a walk - she's one of these people who has to be busy doing 'stuff' all day and everyone else has to dance to the same tune. If I said lets go for a walk, she'd say ok but then she'd turn the pc on and start admin tasks or start cleaning up, making everyone wait and then start going crackers cos everyone else wasn't doing something equally useful. If you tried to do something useful, she'd aggressively ask why you're doing X when it's obvious that Y is more pressing. If it was her husband, he'd get an extra 10 minutes of why he was so useless and she'd told him a hundred times before and he's doing it on purpose etc etc.

Fosterdog123 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:01:48

She's very anxious. Her family seem resigned to it.

Cantchooseaname Mon 18-Sep-17 14:05:06

My mum has mh issues. When it is bad, it's awful to live with. We walk on egg shells. However, she's not always like that, and she's my mum- so we do our best to support her and get through the rough patches.

paradoxicalInterruption Mon 18-Sep-17 14:05:13

I think I'd be tempted to call her out on it. Tell her she's behaving like an absolute loon and does she need some help.

Or take the husband out for a drink and ask if he's noticed!

Or be ill and go home.

Believeitornot Mon 18-Sep-17 14:07:32

I would ask her if everything is ok, but towards the end of your visit obviously. Just some open questions for her to realise that her behaviour is unacceptable.

As for yourself, yes to long walks and getting out a bit!

Porpoises Mon 18-Sep-17 14:11:19

Shes emotionally abusive sad

Maudlinmaud Mon 18-Sep-17 14:13:29

You don't know anyone until you live with them, do you? Op I could stick that.

Talkietalk Mon 18-Sep-17 14:13:33

id come down with something catching and retreat to room for hours

Maudlinmaud Mon 18-Sep-17 14:14:25


Tamatoa Mon 18-Sep-17 14:14:44

Wow. You really have walked into a hornets nest! Can you elaborate, or use an equivalent example as to why you are there?? Might help us help you.

Ceto Mon 18-Sep-17 14:15:40

Invent a reason for having to leave early and call a cab.

guilty100 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:17:54

She sounds like my mother!

What you are witnessing is a kind of domestic abuse. It's awful, demeaning for those undergoing it, and terribly depleting for their self-confidence. I am not sure what to suggest other than sitting your friend down and having a quiet word.

TanginaBarrons Mon 18-Sep-17 14:21:33

Two weeks is too long for you and her, even if you were all having a great time. You are going to have to book into an Airbnb or leave if you value your sanity.

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 18-Sep-17 14:21:42

Ask her husband to go on a walk with you or take you to a shop because you need to buy a specific food, a thank you gift, show you specific sight or some such. Then ask him if there's anything upsetting her as this isn't the friend you know. Maybe he'll talk. Other than that, you could call her out. But be fully prepared for the husband and children to side with her. They will be too frightened to do otherwise. Then you could find yourself out on your ear. Would that be so bad? Aren't there any hotels around?

SheldonsSpot Mon 18-Sep-17 14:22:01

Book yourself into the nearest hotel or air bnb.

PolkaDotty7 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:22:48

It does sound awful, but you don't know the dynamics of their marital relationship. The husband obviously loves her, some men like bossy and controlling women. Don't take him aside or out for a drink on his own, that would be a crazy thing to do.

Gemini69 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:25:03

can you hire a wee car flowers and escape

Fosterdog123 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:33:40

Having a quiet word would not go well. She's very self assured and would not take kindly to being told how to behave in her own house. It is domestic abuse though, you're right.

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