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Ex getting son to call step dad "Daddy"

(43 Posts)
Pug1234 Tue 22-Aug-17 22:07:34

My son has told me that my ex partner has been telling him he has to call his step dad Daddy.
I find it really unfair as I know for a fact she would go mad if I told my son to call my partner Mummy. (I wouldn't of course)

candlerings Tue 22-Aug-17 22:11:01

Obviously this will hurt you. It's not fair. It would. e ok if he started called him daddy by himself but the fact that the mother persuades and convinces him to do this is pathetic

Nuttynoo Tue 22-Aug-17 22:13:54

I see nothing wrong in telling your son that he only has one dad & if his mum tells him off that you told him that.

Krapom Tue 22-Aug-17 22:15:22

That's not okay. Also, disagree with candlerings he's not his daddy and if he started to use that name then a gentle reminder and maybe another pet name would be in order. Unless you are an absentee, non-support paying arse and your ex's partner is taking on the roles and responsibilities you should do.

Pug1234 Tue 22-Aug-17 22:26:08

Its horrible and I don't understand why she is doing it when she knows that she would hate it if it was the other way round.
He's only 8.

CatsPurr Tue 22-Aug-17 22:28:01

I would be raging if my ex did that to my kids step parent. Not OK and you need a word with the ex, then you need to see her tell your boy he doesn't do that so you can bare witness.

Hope you can get this sorted OP, shocking.

CatsPurr Tue 22-Aug-17 22:29:20

My son is nearly 8, he would be very confused and hurt at this. Plus he wouldn't want to! I would just reassure your son you are his Daddy and you love him very much and there is only one of you

Athena404 Tue 22-Aug-17 22:35:32

Well he is a dad to him. Maybe you could explain to him that it's just a shortened version of step-dad. Then every time he calls him dad he will be feeling like he's calling him his step-dad. It's would probably make him feel much more comfortable with everything. Also he says he's being told to call him that but might actually be his way of asking your permission

ginswinger Tue 22-Aug-17 22:36:56

I appreciate you're hurting but try and see this from your son's POV; having two dads who love and care for you is a wonderful thing, even if one is non biological. This person is stepping up and saying, I will be there and take responsibility.

I have two dads-my biological dad who passed away a few years ago, and my stepdad who calls me his daughter. I am very flattered and lucky that he CHOSE me as his daughter.

Try and make amends and stop the vitriol, it's so damaging to children.

Pug1234 Tue 22-Aug-17 22:38:29

What are you talking about ginswinger what vitriol is that?

Pug1234 Tue 22-Aug-17 22:40:59

And no hes definately being told he HAS to call him it Athena he made that very clear.

DreamingofItaly Tue 22-Aug-17 22:50:36

That's bang out of order. I think you need to have a serious word with you ex Pug. He's 8, don't confuse the poor lad!

Athena404 Tue 22-Aug-17 23:04:43

Darling you can't know for sure. It's something kids do, absolute blame a higher power. It removes all responsibility. Either way you need to find a way to make your son comfortable with the situation

CatsAreAssholes Tue 22-Aug-17 23:06:47

I'd have a face to conversation with both people.

What's the set up at the moment? Are you involved and have you been involved all along? Pay maintenance etc?

Pug1234 Tue 22-Aug-17 23:55:08

I do know he was telling me the truth as it wasn't something he was happy about.
I know my son.
Of course I am involved in his life I see him regularly and pay maintenance. Hence why I am upset about this.
I do really wonder what would be the reaction on here if it was a woman upset that her ex was getting the step mum to be called "mummy" all hell would break loose.

Thanks for anyone understanding my feelings and that of my sons. I feel sorry for my little boy he only told me tonight I haven't broached it with his Mum yet as I like to think before I react to situations.
Its not as though its just Dad either its "Daddy" I don't see why just because I am split with his mum its ok for him to call another person Daddy. Its not my fault I don't live with him our relationship didn't work out. I see him as much as possible and do all I can.

CosmicPineapple Wed 23-Aug-17 00:00:18

Darling you can't know for sure. It's something kids do, absolute blame a higher power. It removes all responsibility. Either way you need to find a way to make your son comfortable with the situation

WTF

CatsAreAssholes Wed 23-Aug-17 00:10:01

Of course I am involved in his life I see him regularly and pay maintenance. Hence why I am upset about this. I do really wonder what would be the reaction on here if it was a woman upset that her ex was getting the step mum to be called "mummy" all hell would break loose.Thanks for anyone understanding my feelings and that of my sons. I feel sorry for my little boy he only told me tonight I haven't broached it with his Mum yet as I like to think before I react to situations.Its not as though its just Dad either its "Daddy" I don't see why just because I am split with his mum its ok for him to call another person Daddy.

A huge percentage of men don't actually pay any maintenance at all so it is a fair question as I've known men get arsey that the step dad is being called dad when the step dad is basically everything a dad could be minus the sperm. and when the bio dad send will send a Christmas card and an occasional gift but doesn't do regular visits or maintenance.

Pug1234 Wed 23-Aug-17 00:16:29

Well as a Dad I can't see how anyone could moan if they didn't bother in the first place but that's just logical to me I suppose hence why I put "of course."
You made me feel like I had to prove my credentials to get the name.

Yes I bother, Yes I'm there for him. Hence why I am bothered by this as well as the fact he is.

CauliflowerSqueeze Wed 23-Aug-17 00:18:06

Is there a way for you to communicate this with your ex? It's upsetting.

Athena404 Wed 23-Aug-17 00:29:06

CosmicPineapple care to expand?

gluteustothemaximus Wed 23-Aug-17 00:32:59

I would be upset too. Good for you not reacting right away and thinking about it first.

Perhaps your son can continue to call him by his name, or whatever he calls him now, and if mum asks again that he says Daddy instead, maybe then get involved.

BlackeyedSusan Wed 23-Aug-17 01:08:56

offs. I agree it would be different if it were the other way round.

anyway, yes it is upsetting. poor lad, poor you as well.

converseandjeans Wed 23-Aug-17 01:47:45

I totally agree with you. It must be awful. No advice except to keep doing what you are with your son.

lauramcd86 Wed 23-Aug-17 02:25:15

Agree there would be OUTRAGE if this was the other way around! Can see why you would be upset and upset for your son, you have every reason in the world to be! YOU are his daddy and nobody else can replace you (nor should they try). Very mean and thoughtless of your ex too!!!! He's only 8, poor kid. She shouldn't be trying to confuse him like that. Her partner is her partner. Not your son's "daddy".
Hope you can sort out this situation. Hope your sons okay too (most importantly).

Atenco Wed 23-Aug-17 03:33:02

Well she is wrong, I won't argue about that but the important thing is how you are going to deal with this.

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