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DH made 'joke' about menopause and I lost it

(16 Posts)
NotAnotheChinHair Sun 20-Aug-17 14:03:19

Was getting ready to take DD10 out for the day. DH doing a bit of research on how to get there. I had spend the morning getting ready inc laundry, tidying up, homework (DD has exam coming up), and had to 'nag' DD several times about getting washed, dressed, teeth brushed, hair brushed, shoes, etc. Finally DH rocks up ready to leave but found me asking DD to find suitable waterproof jacket for the day and noticing impatient tone in my voice said: 'Is this what the menopause is going to be like?'

Obviously he hit a nerve because I am feeling awful at the moment and chances are a lot of it is to do with the perimenopause: weight gain, feeling of doom and gloom, tiredness but no sleepiness, forgetful, teary...

I lost it, I told him that was the dickiest thing he'd ever said to me and that he was out of order and lacked empathy. Then burst out crying and accused him of other stuff.

He said it was a 'joke' and then of course too offence at all my other accusations. I told him to take DD out for the day alone as I didn't want to be with him.

I am now home alone.

Now sure what I'm asking but I feel shitty about life.

chips4teaplease Sun 20-Aug-17 14:06:17

Have some wonderful, precious, time alone. Forget him and what he's up to, what he meant, what you should or shouldn't have said. Relax. Be happy.

NotAnotheChinHair Sun 20-Aug-17 14:07:02

I can't stand myself though, I hate my own company; it never used to be like that...

Josiah Sun 20-Aug-17 14:15:16

I've been through the menopause. In defence of your husband it is very hard for some men to understand exactly how we feel during the peri menopause and menopause. Just as some struggle to understand that PMT is very distressing.

Unless he insensitive all of the time I would think his ill timed flippant comment was born of ignorance not malice.

I'd ask him to read up on it so he can educate himself on the subject.

As for you op, the symptoms can be easier for some with Menopace. They were brilliant for me and I sailed through the menopause, I'm convinced these tablets worked!

They are often three for two in supermarkets and Boots.

I took the original version

megletthesecond Sun 20-Aug-17 14:20:12

While you were doing all that and chasing up your 10yr old (I have one that needs nagging too!) was your DH only checking the route?

NotAnotheChinHair Sun 20-Aug-17 15:10:52

Thank you Josiah, I am off to Boots to get some.

Meglet, yes, that's all he was doing.

QuietNinjaTardis Sun 20-Aug-17 15:12:58

Ah yes, apparently I only get pissed off with my husband when I'm due on. nothing to do with the fact that he can be an utter dick sometimes
Enjoy your alone time. brewcake

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo Sun 20-Aug-17 15:16:05

Ask him if he's going through the male menopause, during which a man can do strictly one thing at a time and does not notice anything around him?

OK, I made that all up. But YANBU to lose it at him for his thoughtless comment.

When he's back, take a deep breath, and tell him that the menopause WON'T be like that if he pays more attention to his own family's needs.

NotAnotheChinHair Sun 20-Aug-17 15:24:19

I knew staying at home would be a mistake as I've nearly eaten a whole tub of pringles

romany4 Sun 20-Aug-17 15:32:18

I know exactly how you feel as I'm goin g through the same right now. DH is brilliant thankfully even when I'm being awful.
Enjoy your peace today and don't beat yourself up about how you are feeling.

pigeondujour Sun 20-Aug-17 15:53:46

You were right to kick off. Misogynistic and horrible thing to say. Please don't apologise for any part of the argument.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 20-Aug-17 16:15:16

So, you had spent the morning doing chores and parenting whilst he got the easy research job? Then he makes a twatish remark? hmm

NotAnotheChinHair Sun 20-Aug-17 16:27:49

Yes WhatALoadOfOldBollocks. I am generally a highly strung person and he's pretty laid back. If we're getting ready for the day, I try to anticipate what DC might need and will start listing things for them to organise/prepare/take... DH won't think of things like that but it's fine as he'll be the one organising the route and doing ALL the driving, always. So that's fine. However, when he then rocks up and hears me asking one of my DC for the same thing again and notices my tone is unpleasant, he'll say so, without any acknowledgement a. that I shouldn't have to be asking in the first place, b. that I have already asked 1,000 times and my tone the first 999 times was fine.

TroysMammy Sun 20-Aug-17 16:32:16

If my partner said that I'd reply "you have better hide the knives then". Luckily, so far I've just lost my mojo (if I had one anyway) and get restless legs but everyone is different.

Well I am peri-menopausal, I have twin DD aged 11, I go through the high drama dance you describe everytime we go out and I think your husband needs to do the chores/ child next time, he will them learn that when his pitch rises on the 100th request to DD, he may just (just) get the response he needs to get out the door!
Rant over, wanky comment, its not a joke, he thinks he can so it better, so let him crack on. Good for you staying at home, book, bubble bath/ herbal tea and tell him to call at Mcdonalds, I just gave you the rest of the day off lovely😁 hope ya feeling better real soon.

RebootYourEngine Sun 20-Aug-17 16:42:53

Id have hit the roof if my partner said this to me while he sat on his arse while i ran around like a blue arsed fly trying to get things done and dc organised to go.

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