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Basically Happy but have this feeling that I'm stuck in limbo.(6 Posts)
Just that really. Supportive dh, dc's thriving, financially secure, interesting hobby, friends who I see every now and then, sahm.
But I feel as if I'm sort of stuck in a rut. Stressed about which school my youngest dc will go to as our primary has gone downhill and the lovely school in the next village will be oversubscribed. Planned to send her private so applied and (failed to get - though apparently was a close second) a very p/t job. Then actually felt relieved not to get the job so considering re-training but not entirely sure what in but something is on the boil potentially (another unknown)! Then heard about another school which sounds good but a bit of a further drive but their intake is low but apparently have never turned anyone away - get the feeling we might be the first because I feel so stressed and pessimistic about it all. If dc went there then wouldn't have to work - but obviously don't know yet as she doesn't start school until 2018. We were going to move (re school catchment) then decided not to (decided to go private instead) but now this other school is possibly in the equation. We need to extend our dilapidated kitchen which dh has agreed to do but only when we've sorted out schooling for dc because he doesn't want to organise the build and then actually we decide to move after all and the building work is going to cause a lot of upheaval. It just feels like things are sort of stuck at the moment and there is no clear direction, I don't like change much and like to have plans and I feel indecisive - to work or not work etc. etc. I realised after attending this recent interview that getting back into work isn't going to be easy (sahm for 4 years) and if dc doesn't go to a private school, I just feel like forgetting about it but then I feel that I am being unmotivated and possibly lazy (though being a sahm is never easy I know) Just wondered if anyone else has sort of reached a crossroads/thinking about going back to work or trying to meet new people etc? Sorry for the rambling post but sometimes its just great to get things out of your head!
I'm definitely in limbo atm, and I recognise that feeling where every decision you try to make seems to need another three decisions to be made first, and you keep going round in circles because there are so many variables to consider.
Oh thanks garud, I feel like I'm the only person going through this sort of thing. I know that what I'm talking about is pretty mild in the grand scheme of things and other people have far more to worry about but its still not a pleasant place to be - unsettling. Most of my friends aren't really going through this type of dilemma at the moment - they know which schools their kids are going to (their kids are older), they don't plan to have work done on their houses (up until a month ago we were moving anyway). One friend has decided on a slight career change and has made a move to do something about it. It seems tricky to me finding work/re-training etc. because dc has another year at pre-school though is approaching 4 so not really young but will still be doing half days - unless of course I work! You're right garud about one decision affecting the next and I've almost made a decision by not making a decision! Maybe I just need to let time elapse and see how things playout re. dc's schooling (this is probably my biggest stressor). School fees are do-able but they are massive and you cant help but think that money could be invested in dc's future later on - I was going to try to work to offset the fees but don't know if I'll have to yet because there is a possibility of dc starting at this other school. Arghhhhhhh!
Me too, in my case I think it's a combination of impatience and being overwhelmed by choice....as in I want a mortgage and to study and to be at home with DS more and some extra money. But bar a lottery win I can't have/do them all at once and I don't know what I want more/first.
Plus I think I have a bit of competitiveness too which I'm embarrassed about...as in A has X Y and Z and she's my age so I should be able to do it too.
FaFoutis - You could be right. But in order to achieve the work/life balance because I need to be around for my school age children (we have no external support/extended family), it seems to me that I am a bit restricted as to what job I could enter as I would be looking for term-time only work which does limit my choice and I'm a bit concerned that I could step into something that will also equal boredom - though I suppose would give me more structure and get me off of mumsnet! Another option is (if plan B transpires) voluntary work - maybe a bit more variety with less commitment. I am well educated and I suppose I do become bored quite quickly - thank goodness I have found an absorbing hobby! It would be nice to meet more people - but there again I don't want to get stuck with the same people if that makes sense, I am essentially an introvert but do miss listening to peoples ups and downs or general conversation which I used to be party to when I worked in an office - but say for example I worked with certain members of the population I might not get this social stimulation anyway.
Camomila. I understand what you mean about being overwhelmed by choice, it would make it easier if money was no object - I would probably study more too. We shouldn't compare ourselves with others but sometimes it seems difficult not to; almost like human nature especially when you cant see a clear path, I kind of look around and gauge how it is for others but the grass doesn't seem particularly greener for them and I don't think I know one person whom I wish I were doing what they are doing (apart from one couple who have become successful and have more or less retired together in their early/mid forties) there is always a compromise in there somewhere it seems.
I think I need to identify what it is I feel is 'missing' from life ie social interaction, mental stimulation and they try to match it sooner or later though as I said having dc still at pre-school half days does make things a bit more tricky even in certain social situations like joining a walking group during the week - but then perhaps I am hiding behind the pre-school thing and the same dilemma will be waiting for me this time next year.
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