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I'm spitting feathers, but am I overreacting here?

(222 Posts)
susanboozan Fri 19-May-17 22:15:50

DP and I are going to a big birthday bash. His sister is the birthday girl, and we get along fine.

We are staying overnight in the hotel along with various relatives and friends.

Got a message yesterday from SIL asking if we would mind dropping X and Y to the station next day to get their train home.

Now the station is in the city, a good hour away from hotel (could be more if traffic is bad) and train is departing 1oc. We had planned on mooching around the area which is very scenic and having a late lunch somewhere nice before heading home. Our home is not anywhere near the station. Opposite direction in fact.

DP was furious. His view was how dare they assume that we had nothing else to do but ferry other guests around next day. Why can't they or their daughters do it. Not our problem said he, and said I should ignore the message.

So I didn't reply.

I have to say I was mad as hell too. BTW I have no idea how X and Y are getting from the station to the hotel.

Are we both overreacting here or what do you think. No further messages either from birthday girl. It puts us in a very awkward position I think.

The more I think about it, the madder I become at the presumption that we would become a taxi service and have no other plans. And also a bit miffed that I was the recipient of the pleading message and not DP! Working on my better nature maybe.

Whew, feel better now that I got that off me chest!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Fri 19-May-17 22:17:33

You are absolutely overreacting, and it was exceptionally rude of you to just ignore the message.

If you didn't want to do it, fine, just say so (in a non-rude manner).

BigBairyHollocks Fri 19-May-17 22:18:02

Wow you Re majorly overreacting!She only asked if you would mind,say no,sorry we had planned to have a lazy lunch and a look round town later in the day so it doesn't suit,looking forward to seeing you!Calm down missus.

RedBugMug Fri 19-May-17 22:18:06

yanbu
it doesn't work for you, you have other plans already.

Crikeyblimey Fri 19-May-17 22:19:00

Presumably it was a request and not a demand? Just say no and that you have other plans (which you obviously do). No need to be cross about being asked.

iwasagirlinavillage Fri 19-May-17 22:19:12

It seems odd she contacted you. Perhaps she knew that her brother would say no and hoped to guilt you in to it.

No reply may lead her to assume you're fine with it. Perhaps reply and say "I'm really sorry but we can't as we've already got plans for then. Looking forward to seeing you at the party."

MrsHathaway Fri 19-May-17 22:19:23

Are you the driver of the two of you? Or the more reliable about messages? SIL doesn't bother messaging DH about arrangements because she knows I am the one who knows about logistics and prior engagements.

If it had been a ten-minute drive to a nearby station then I'd roll eyes and suck it up. I do think that an hour in the wrong direction - so adding two hours to your journey - is taking the piss.

But SIL will have told X and Y that you're taking them, so you can't just ignore the messages. If you're generally cordial then I'd go for:

"I think you must have sent this to the wrong person - Stationville is completely the wrong direction for us so it would add two hours to our drive! Looking forward to seeing you soon - new party frock?"

ijustwannadance Fri 19-May-17 22:19:59

Why didn't you just text back, "No sorry, we have plans".

Yes it was cheeky but not worth getting so wound up over.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Fri 19-May-17 22:20:01

Massive over reaction. How was she to know what your plans were? Very rude to just ignore the message. Just reply saying you can't do it

winefortea Fri 19-May-17 22:20:05

It was just a question, surely? You could just say 'sorry, we already have plans', but I wouldn't let it upset me to the point of spitting feathers!

fanfrickintastic Fri 19-May-17 22:20:06

They asked a favour, you can't do it as you have other plans. I can't really see either of you are wrong. I think you are over reacting to be honest.

CaulkheadUpNorf Fri 19-May-17 22:20:21

You're over-reacting.

I would give them the lift, because I think it's a kind thing to do and I'd plan my day around it, so mooching around at a different point.

However you can just message her and say "sorry we have plans for the day"

WunWun Fri 19-May-17 22:20:38

Yes, really crazily over reacting. Why didn't you just say 'Sorry, we've planned to spend the day doing blah blah blah'?

You're both furious because they politely asked you if you'd mind?! Why?

Notagainmun Fri 19-May-17 22:20:50

I would have just messaged back that we have plans and it is too far out of the way. Then had a little grumble and forgot about it.

PurpleDaisies Fri 19-May-17 22:20:50

Why wouldn't you just text back saying no? They were asking a question. I think you're overreacting here.

MerryInthechelseahotel Fri 19-May-17 22:21:49

Just say no! Don't give it another thought! She asked you and you don't want to do it. She might have thought you wouldn't mind!

ClemDanfango Fri 19-May-17 22:22:00

You said she asked, all you had to say was 'no' why are you both so angry at being asked a favour? You don't have to do it after all. Your reactions are weird.

ClearlyUnlikeable Fri 19-May-17 22:23:27

Am I the only one who hates the word 'mooching'??

OP, I think you're being unreasonable to be spitting feathers over it, but I can understand you being a bit peed off as it does seem quite a big ask. I'd just say sorry no.

Leeds2 Fri 19-May-17 22:23:55

I don't think you are being unreasonable not to take x and y to the station, but I think you are being very unreasonable not to let DSIL know. Either you or DH should tell her asap that this is not happening, so that they have chance to make alternative arrangements .

Westray Fri 19-May-17 22:25:39

A huge over reaction.

A simple text back to say " Sorry we have other plans" would suffice.
Not sure why you and OH are getting in such a wrangle about it.

You must find life generally very taxing if this is your reaction to something so trivial.

unapaloma Fri 19-May-17 22:25:42

Very rude to ignore the text, they only asked - just answer that you're sorry for the slow reply, but you have plans and can't do it. Has no one ever asked you if you can help with anything before?

rollonthesummer Fri 19-May-17 22:27:46

Just text and say you can't do it if you don't want to.

Who are X and Y-are they DH's relatives?

susanboozan Fri 19-May-17 22:27:53

Thanks for replies.

Forgot to say that SIL lives twenty minutes from the station. Important point, didn't intend to drip feed.

Their daughters live with them, so that's three potential drivers for X and Y.

I think I am a bit demented because she contacted ME and not her brother. Who would have cut it off stat I think given the fact that there are so many others heading back in the direction of the station. But we are not.

I'm a softie you see.

I think I should have replied with a sorry, not possible message, but I was so stunned TBH at the presumption. You would have to read the message to understand.

But it's good to be told off sometimes and get back to earth!

LostMyDotBrain Fri 19-May-17 22:28:25

It sounds like she's asked whether you'll do it, not that she's telling you that she's arranged for you to do it. Presumably she isn't clairvoyant. Message her saying that you won't be able to do it, you've made plans, it's 2 hours out of your way and perhaps X other relative might be able to.

susanboozan Fri 19-May-17 22:28:40

X and Y are relatives.

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