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Should friend offer to pay?

(82 Posts)
WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 13:40:00

My friend asked if I'd be a hairdressing model for a job interview on Sunday ages ago. I said yes thinking it'd take an hour or so. I apparently have to be there from 9-6 on Sunday confused I really don't have a day to spare but I said I'd do it so I will, she won't be able to find another model in this amount of time. It's in a city quite far away, she refuses to drive on the motorway so we're having to get the train (my car is out of action). Thing is the train will cost about £20 and I'm really skint, it's coming up to the end of the month and I don't have £20 spare. She hasn't offered to pay, should she have? Am I being tight?

zoemaguire Fri 21-Apr-17 13:42:22

No you aren't being tight, and yes of course she should definitely have offered to pay!!! There's not a smidgin of a doubt about it.

wafflyversatile Fri 21-Apr-17 13:44:59

Yes she should and it would perfectly fine for you to say she'll have to pay as you can't afford to pay 20 quid to do her a favour.

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 13:45:51

I didn't think I was being tight but she'll turn it round on me, say she would never expect me to pay if roles were reversed etc etc. I'm fuming enough about having to spend an entire day out the house when I have about a billion things to do angry

tectonicplates Fri 21-Apr-17 13:49:34

Personally I'd just back out, and say you can't make it as you didn't realise how long it would take. She should've communicated with you better in the first place and given you the right details.

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 13:50:47

I think she'd have known I'd have said no if she'd told me the full details. I just feel bad because she won't be able to get anyone else at late notice probably. Arghhhh I'm annoyed at myself and her!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 21-Apr-17 13:51:17

Its not about you being tight. Or even the fact that you can't afford it. Even if you were a millionaire, she should be subsidising you. You're doing her a favor.

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 13:55:30

I'll broach it with her tomorrow because I'm off to stay at hers before we go. Ffs I really don't want to go

SillyLittleBiscuit Fri 21-Apr-17 13:55:39

I think I'd have checked the details (amount of time, location etc) before saying yes. Not sure I could let myself back out now as she'd probably not be able to find another model with short notice.

GrumpyOldBag Fri 21-Apr-17 13:57:06

I think you need to weigh up the value of what you're getting in return. Is it just a free cut, or do you get colour as well.

When I was young and poor being a hairdressing model was a good way to get your hair done on the cheap.

hippoesque Fri 21-Apr-17 13:57:50

I had a friend who has become an accomplished stylist, awards and big shows, the works!

She has no friends left, she could not fathom why we weren't all falling over ourselves to get to London (100's of miles from here) or spend whole weekends having our hair pulled into ridiculous shapes all the while having to pay for everything ourselves... INCLUDING PART OF HER ENTRY FEE!!

As far as I know she's still doing well but no one here has anything more to do with her. I would do anything for a friend but subsidising their career at my own expense got old pretty quickly!

HCantThinkOfAUsername Fri 21-Apr-17 13:58:55

YANBU she should pay the transport fees etc

HCantThinkOfAUsername Fri 21-Apr-17 14:00:42

Oops just seen its posted in chat not AIBU but my opinion is the same haha blush

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 14:01:45

I honestly didn't think it would take from 9-6 Silly!

And I'm just getting a quick trim and she has to blow dry one half to be straight and the other half to be curly. So I'll also look ridiculous walking around after 😤. I don't even want my hair cutting because I went to hers for a 'trim' few months back and she scalped me!! So I'm trying to grow it long again.

God that is so true hippo I'm actually fed up of her nagging me to have a 'big change' done or dye my hair a ridiculous colour or share whatever hair shit she's posted on fb so more people see it. Arghhhhh. And breathe!

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 14:02:18

I'm too fragile for AIBU today but thanks grin

whomovedmychocolate Fri 21-Apr-17 14:18:23

I'm struggling to see why you need to be there all day for a simple cut. Yes she should definitely pay your expenses. Frankly I'd say straight up 'look I can't afford to get there, can you pay for my ticket otherwise I'm going to have to cancel'. Hopefully she'll refuse then it's her choice not to have you huzzah!

ALittleMop Fri 21-Apr-17 14:21:53

Yes, of course she should pay your train fare and buy you wine and flowers too to thank you.

You can either assume she's paying (rather than assume she's not) and just not pay for your ticket. Or just tell her straight "I cannot afford to pay for the train ticket, I do not have the money" - migh tbe best to give her time to get used to the idea. You know her best. Do not pay it, either way.

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 21-Apr-17 14:29:01

I think you're looking a bit off colour, to be honest I think you need to stay home in case you start throwing up.

Why are you friends with someone you know is taking advantage of you?

She should have been upfront about the time it would take and said upfront that of course she would pay for your train ticket.

Given she's been nagging you to have a 'big change' and scalped you last time, she'd be going nowhere near my hair!

WeAreEternal Fri 21-Apr-17 14:40:20

I would text her.

"I've had a look at my finances again and I'm sorry but there is just no way I can afford to pay for the train to x city on Sunday, I literally don't have that much money left this month, so it's probably best if you find someone else to help you."

She is massively taking the piss, she knows she is and is trying to make you feel bad so that you accept her piss taking.

She could easily post on a Facebook group advertising for a model, I see people doing it frequently and people seem to jump at the chance of a free haircut.

She mislead you into agreeing because she knew you probably wouldn't say yes to a whole day there and then she expects you to pay for your own train ticket to do her a favour!
No way I would still be helping her.

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 14:48:14

Yes I completely agree We. I know it sounds bad but she has no other friends so I feel sorry for her ditching her at the last moment now because I don't think she'll find anyone else. I'm seeing her tomorrow so will tell her then I can't afford. She thrives off text dramas and if I text her it now she'll start ringing me/ sending me massive essays and I want a quiet night tonight!! Thanks for the replies.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 21-Apr-17 14:50:51

She's a user and the fact that you're worried if you question her about misleading you she'll "turn it around" on you speaks volumes.

You sound lovely and a good friend and she's abusing your generous nature. Please don't waste a whole day of your weekend risking your hair with another possible scalping!

I know you're worried about letting you down but she's royally taking the piss and she KNEW if she told you what was involved you wouldn't have agreed to it. Unless she's usually an incredible friend this is a good opportunity to draw a line and let her know you're not going to be her doormat. Otherwise where will it end?

It's not about tentatively broaching it with her and hoping she'll suddenly be reasonable and fair. You need to tell her you had no idea it was a whole day and you have neither the time nor the money.

If she's going to be mean and snippy and ruin your friendship with her if you don't just tow the line and do whatever she says you should, then she's after what you can do for her and nothing else, so what have you really lost.

See this as an opportunity for you to see what the relationship is really about. She should be falling over herself to thank you and appreciate what you said you'd do for her - which is a huge favour - and if she isn't when you raise the issue of the money, then she's actually a bit of an ungrateful cow.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 21-Apr-17 14:54:26

But it's at the last minute because she wasn't honest about what she was really asking you.

You can still be her friend, you just need to stop being her servant.

And there's no need for a text row either. Send a brief message saying you've thought about it and it's now not possible due to the cost/something coming up on Sunday (you know, it's your weekend, you can do what you like!) and then don't answer if she calls or reply if she texts. It was always a favour, if she's going to be unreasonable the favour's off the table. You don't owe her anything.

She sounds about 15. And I'm shocked she's got no other friends.... hmm

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Fri 21-Apr-17 14:55:19

I think you sound like a bad case of D&V is brewing. wink

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 14:56:06

No you're 100% right Anne!! I will be assertive tomorrow and tell her, I would still rather do it in person so I'll discuss with her tomorrow night. If she decides to tell me to clear off tomorrow night then that's her loss because she won't be able to find anyone else! Is it bad I'm secretly hoping that she does?!

WasabiNell Fri 21-Apr-17 14:59:36

Anne you don't understand, it's not an issue to simply ignore the phone once she goes off on one. She (wrongly) thought I'd thrown her under the bus a few months ago, I was at a family do so couldn't talk to her to explain my side and she literally rang me repeatedly for 5 hours, facebooked me, whatsapped me, facetimed me, TURNED UP AT MY HOUSE THAT EVENING. I kept replying 'I'm not getting into an argument with you, I'll talk to you later' and she literally lost her mind (over something trivial). So I'll just talk to her tomorrow, I can't be arsed having my Friday night ruined by her drama grin

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