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9 year old DS wants TV in his room, later bedtime, a phone........

(125 Posts)
MattBerrysHair Wed 19-Apr-17 21:34:02

Because apparently all his friends do. If he could he'd be on a screen 24/7 but I limit it to an hour a day, 2 at weekends, and I think more screens would cut him off from the world. Also I can't afford it. He's feeling very sorry for himself because I've said he can't have a TV or a phone until secondary school, and since he wakes through the night and then wakes up for the day before 6, whatever his bedtime the night before was, 8-8:30 is staying as his bedtime for the time being. He says his friends go at 9. He's very resentful and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

So, firstly, how old were your DC when they first got their own TV's and phones? What is your 9 year olds' bedtime? Am I being mean? If I'm not being mean how do I deal with the whinging and resentment?

TIA

GreatWhites Wed 19-Apr-17 21:39:29

I think you're absolutely right about the TV and phone.

I would compromise on the bedtime. Can you appeal to him being 'grown-up' and keeping himself to himself until 7am or whatever time suits you?

wigglesrock Wed 19-Apr-17 21:41:07

My 9 year old goes up to her room at 8.30 and lights out at 9pm during the week and about an hour later at weekends. She has a phone and I don't limit screen time. However she's a great sleeper, spends as much time reading and on her bike and playing outside as she does playing/ watching Netflix/films.

Chewbecca Wed 19-Apr-17 21:42:08

DS is 13

He has no TV and won't have. He can watch TV on the iPad or computer if he wants to watch something whilst I'm watching the TV in the living room.

Phone - when he went to secondary school & started travelling to school indepently. In his friendship group, this was a really common time to get a first phone.

Bed time depends on the time he needs to get up in the morning. DS was going to bed at 9 when he was 11/12 and needed to be up by 7.

Good luck.

SquinkiesRule Wed 19-Apr-17 21:42:44

And people in hell want ice water.
My Dd won't be getting a TV in her room or a late bedtime but she has my old phone once she turned 11.
I used to tell my boys I wasn't their friends Mum and their family make their own rules, so tough luck.

CointreauVersial Wed 19-Apr-17 21:42:44

Well, I want a Ferrari and a lifetime subscription to Hotel Chocolat, but we can't all have what we want.....As far as my lot were concerned:

Phones - when they started secondary school.
TV in bedroom - never!
Bedtime - depends on child. DS needs relatively little sleep, and probably went to bed at 9pm at that age. It sounds like your DS is similar, so maybe a later bedtime would work. However my DDs always needed more sleep so would have gone earlier.

How you deal with the resentment? Just tell him that's how it is, full stop. If you allow yourself to be persuaded by "what his friends do" you'll never hear the end of it. Every parent has their own standards; some are stricter/more lenient on video games, or going out alone, or bedtimes....just decide what's important to you and stick to your guns.

Butterymuffin Wed 19-Apr-17 21:44:50

Is his weekend bedtime the same? I would compromise on that at weekends and possibly in the week too. I wouldn't be happy with a phone or TV at 9.

DebiNewberry Wed 19-Apr-17 21:46:20

One tv in sitting room. No intention of changing this. Dc got phone at start of yr 7 will do same for ds, who is in yr 5. And bedtime is 8.30. No hassle about it either, seems pretty standard?

Waggamamma Wed 19-Apr-17 21:47:11

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here, my 6yr old has a tv and PlayStation in his room. The tv isn't actually hooked up to a signal so he can only watch dvds, iPlayer, YouTube etc. He gets an hour a day gaming and half hour of tv, sometimes he doesn't always use it.

He has a two year old brother and doesn't get peace to game downstairs, we had an old to so hooked it up in his room. He must leave the door open and I pop my head round the door every ten mins or so to check what he's doing, he doesn't spend all day up there by any means.

I can't comment on phones as he's never asked for one but they can be useful for keeping in touch when getting move independence towards secondary school.

MattBerrysHair Wed 19-Apr-17 21:47:11

Thanks for replying. I'm not sure about the bedtime as he's a terrible sleeper, always has been. He's always exhausted by 8 and, understandably, very negative and grumpy. He quite often has a mini rant at bedtime about how his life is rubbish, he hates schoolwork/homework, why can't we have a bigger house/garden, etc. It's sooooo waring! I'm worried a later bedtime would make it worse.

What is an appropriate bedtime for a 9 year old?

Tanfastic Wed 19-Apr-17 21:47:27

My 9 year old ds goes to bed at 8.30pm in the week and probably 10 ish at weekends. He does not have a phone or a tv and probably won't for a good while.

MrsWhirly Wed 19-Apr-17 21:47:39

My DD is 9, she wants a phone but knows she won't get one until secondary school. She goes to bed at 9pm. She does have a tv but only because my parents gave her their old portable.

BlessYourCottonSocks Wed 19-Apr-17 21:47:47

DS 12. No tv in room. Bed at 8.30. Phone (old one of his sister's) when he went to secondary school.

Ignore the resentment. He's not especially hard done by. I'd be very sharp with whinging. No is the end - we're not endlessly discussing it!

Crusoe Wed 19-Apr-17 21:48:06

My DS is 9. He goes to bed at 8pm and is always up by 6am at the latest. He has no phone or tv in his room. I can't see either of those happening for a couple of years yet but I'm going to start letting him stay up a bit later at weekends.
He really wants a phone but I know he would not be able to regulate himself with it and he is so disorganised I'm sure he would lose it.

SuperBeagle Wed 19-Apr-17 21:49:29

No TV in any bedroom here. I think it's a terrible habit that has become commonly accepted.

Phone... as soon as they are doing anything independent. Mine were catching the school bus from kindergarten, so they had prepaid phones (nothing flash, of course) from then on so that they could call me if there was ever an issue. For me, having a phone is a safety precaution and nothing more until high school.

An 8:30pm bedtime seems appropriate. Weekends should be an exception though, which might make a happy compromise with him.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 19-Apr-17 21:49:52

Ds is 15. No electronics tv. Ps4 etc in bedroom. Takes phone up to play music but it comes down at bedtime 10pm. Bed 10 weekdays and 11 weekend unless event makes it later then.

Seriously whatever their age the all their friends do line is used. Speaking to other year 10 parents our rules are not uncommon even for 15 year olds. DS bedtime went to 9pm when he went into year 7. Keep doing what you're doing!

TheWoollybacksWife Wed 19-Apr-17 21:51:01

I have a 10 year old DS (Year 5). Most nights bedtime is about 8:30 with 10 minutes or so of faffing. He gets up at about 7 regardless of bedtime and on days when he doesn't have sports clubs before school he can go on the PS4 until 8. There is a bit of grumbling on the odd day about finishing then but he does go up and get ready for school.

He does not have a TV in his room - none of my DC do. He will get a phone for senior school and is happy with that. Some of his friends have phones but he doesn't seem too bothered. We are fairly relaxed about screen time as long as homework, music practice and sports training are done first so I think that satisfies him at present.

DebiNewberry Wed 19-Apr-17 21:52:48

I think at 9-10 they need 10 hours sleep a night so if he is an early riser his 8pm bedtime is fine. Is his sleep always broken - you say he wakes through the night?

MattBerrysHair Wed 19-Apr-17 21:53:12

Posters who won't allow TV's, what are your reasons and do you explain why your dc can't have one or do you just say 'no'?

Palomb Wed 19-Apr-17 21:53:30

Dd is twelve and had a TV for Christmas but it goes off at 9pm, not that she watches it that much anyway. She had a phone went she went up to senior school at 11.5.

Ds is 8 and wants all of the above but he can't have it because he's 8.

He's been told he'll get it at the same age of his sister!

Your the boss. Just say no.

SuperBeagle Wed 19-Apr-17 21:54:56

Posters who won't allow TV's, what are your reasons and do you explain why your dc can't have one or do you just say 'no'?

Because having had ample screen time during the day, the last thing they need is stimulation when they should be trying to sleep. I would rather encourage reading at bedtime.

None of mine have brought the issue up. Because we don't have a TV in our bedroom, I don't think it's ever crossed their mind to raise the issue.

wineusuallyhelps Wed 19-Apr-17 21:55:48

DS1 had a smartphone when he was 11. Also TV in his room at that time, for watching DVDs before bed (long story but it was the only way to stop him bothering his siblings at night!). He's 12 now and I take his phone away at 8pm, as otherwise he doesn't relax - too busy keeping up with Instagram chats etc.

DS2 had my old iphone at age 9 - just because it was going to waste. But he hardly uses it as he is in Y5 and doesn't seem to have any social messaging stuff going on. He doesn't have a TV in his room. He's 10 now and on a school night he's supposed to turn his light out at 9pm. He's not allowed on a screen after 7.30 at the latest.

Palomb Wed 19-Apr-17 21:57:18

Because I felt that if they needed to be kept occupied then they should be reading books.

Watching TV is a complete waste of life and takes zero skill.

MattBerrysHair Wed 19-Apr-17 22:00:46

Debi, I think it's a habit he got into that he hasn't quite grown out of. As a baby he had colitis and would wake due to discomfort. As a toddler he had obstructive sleep apnoea and would wake to breathe. He had his tonsils out at 3 but didn't learn to sleep through until 5, or at least decided not to bother us if he woke at age 5. He often tells me he doesn't sleep well despite being tired by 8:00pm.

thebear1 Wed 19-Apr-17 22:02:01

Ds1 is 9 and has also asked for a TV in room and phone, my answer is no. He can have a phone at secondary when he may need to call someone. I don't think he needs to be watching TV on his own and don't think access to screens in his room is something he would benefit from. At the moment he goes to bed at 8:15 and can read for 15 minutes. Weekends and holidays is 8:30 but can read till past 9. He wakes early whatever bed time.

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