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How do you speak to yourself in your head?

(122 Posts)
ViewPreviousHistory Tue 18-Apr-17 06:18:54

Lately, I'm becoming more aware of my inner self talk. ( Probably because of reading a few self help books recently)

It's fucking shocking! I'm not obviously aware of it all the time, in fact it's probably only a few times a day but I've noticed it's always self deprecating, always putting myself down. Im a totally fucking bitch. To myself.

The worrying thing is, is that it's so automatic and just constant. I'm not even aware of it 99.9% of the time. It's relentless.

Even in just basic situations, I'm negative. For example, at work when I needed to go to another team to ask them something, i noticed " they think you're too awkward and shy" "he doesn't like you interrupting" "I'm such a fool".

I do have very low self esteem issues and quite severe social anxiety which is not surprising!

I'm just interested to know what goes on in other people's heads. What is "normal". and how the hell do i get the voice to shut up.

ClopySow Tue 18-Apr-17 06:36:53

I do this. I called myself "a fucking disaster of a human being" in my head the other day. It's quite shocking how awful i can be to myself.

insancerre Tue 18-Apr-17 06:46:57

I don't swear very much, but my inner voice can't speak with swearing
It is mostly swearing, thinking about it
I'm thinking it's probably quite normal

Nospringflower Tue 18-Apr-17 06:49:36

Have to say I am not an overly confident person but my self-talk is neutral and matter of fact. Definitely not negative and I would want to learn to change it if I was.

VanillaSugar Tue 18-Apr-17 06:51:18

I once read that the "inner voice" is a reflection of how the mother spoke to the child when the child was young confused

So yes, my inner voice is my mother constantly carping at me and telling me I shouldn't do things.

Listen to your gut instinct - it's much more reliable!

TheElephantofSurprise Tue 18-Apr-17 06:53:19

My inner voice is not the voice of my mother. I am much nicer to myself than that.

insancerre Tue 18-Apr-17 07:01:08

My inner voice is not my mother!
She never, ever swore at anyone, and she was a very positive person

ClopySow Tue 18-Apr-17 07:16:16

My mum was quite nice to me, she was awful to herself though.

IllMetByMoonlight Tue 18-Apr-17 07:20:09

With kindness and a great deal of patience. I am challenged in a few specific areas of my life this spring (my weight, DP's MH and trying to plot a career development), and reflected just the other day on how lucky it is that I haven't made these things 'about me', as being some kind of reflection of my intrinsic value as a person. I think that is down to positive and encouraging self-talk.

muffintopsausage Tue 18-Apr-17 07:21:28

We are our own worst critics 😔

Lessthanaballpark Tue 18-Apr-17 07:21:53

My mum was lovely to me but brother not.

Although to be fair I think a negative inner voice is quite natural. I'm reading this ACT book and apparently you have to accept the feelings, notice yourself having those feelings and this will detach you from them and their power.

No fucking idea how to do that though!!

Nospringflower Tue 18-Apr-17 07:28:47

Yes, CBT would have you challenge them whereas ACT and mindfulness have you notice them and let them go!

ClopySow Tue 18-Apr-17 07:38:15

I notice them all right. Really, they shock me. Then i start giving myself a hard time about how horrible i am to myself. Cyclical bullshit.

Devilishpyjamas Tue 18-Apr-17 07:49:52

My inner voice is neutral and rather dull. Usually it's considering the order I need to do things in or mulling over future plans (that's a bit more interesting). It might notice if something was a bit embarrassing but it's nothing like yours OP.

I think it's good you have recognised it though.

Foslady Tue 18-Apr-17 07:54:17

I try and balance out after realising I was very self critical. I now try and use my inner voice to reassure myself if ever the negative starts. Not easy, but retraining after years of this won't be

Devilishpyjamas Tue 18-Apr-17 08:03:05

My inner voice does notice mistakes btw but just thinks non critically about how something could have been handled better. (It does that a lot - I have a severely autistic son and things often go wrong and it's worth reflecting on why and whether anything could be done differently in the future).

Littleraincloud Tue 18-Apr-17 08:05:47

Mines a little strange reading other peoples'. If I've openly said something I automatically regret I sort of sing a song/ hum in my head and I have to try not to do it in person as it looks really weird , its happened before. Other times its really boring and basically just agrees with what I'm doing.... I'm odd I think

MovingtoParadise Tue 18-Apr-17 08:10:07

My inner voice is a soothing but slightly frustrated voice given to jollying me along in a Darrell Rivers type way.

When she's up at at 'em I luffs her. She helps me get things done.

Right now she's telling me to put together a giant Ikea lampshade (which looks scary)

ProzacAndWinePlease Tue 18-Apr-17 08:15:11

I have loads of different inner voices that hold conversations and argue among themselves. Some are rather horrible, some very helpful.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes Tue 18-Apr-17 09:52:04

I don't speak to myself as such, it's more a running commentary along the lines of "must remember to do that, that looks nice, where has DS put his trainers, WTF is the cat doing". The negative stuff creeps in in the format of what ifs, not so much about me but about all sorts of everything, including what will happen if I do or don't do something.

ViewPreviousHistory Tue 18-Apr-17 10:40:27

Shit. That sort of confirms what i was thinking. I am in the minority and this really isn't right. Just need to find a way to control it better. But how???!

I like the way you have several voices Prozac ! grin

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Tue 18-Apr-17 10:45:13

I am also very self critical - I also have anxiety issues so I reckon the two things are linked. I worry about things most people don't, and then berate myself for not being perefectory, whereas most people would shrug and think "that will do"

ByeByeBadman Tue 18-Apr-17 10:49:51

Mine used to be awful. Really critical, aggressive.
Now I try to make it kind, loving and accepting of mistakes.
Its made a massive difference to how I feel.

You can change it OP. flowers

MaudLyn Tue 18-Apr-17 10:51:56

I'm exactly the same. I'm trying to be better.

CassandraAusten Tue 18-Apr-17 11:02:17

My inner voice is neutral and reflective rather than either positive or negative. So I tend to go over something that has happened (especially if it's something that is bothering me), not wishing it to be different but just 'living with it' until I have accepted it and can put it aside and move forwards.

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