Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding(381 Posts)
Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)
I'm firmly in the no white (or cream) or black outfits for wedding guests.
It screams of attention seeking & selfishness.
Saw zombie warning as I pushed post
OP-what colour are your bridesmaids wearing?
I ask because my bridesmaid and flower girl were in cream and the little page boys wore cream waistcoats.
My MIL wore a long cream dress which I was initially but think it was to sort of coordinate with the bridal party. In no way was it an attempt to upstage me-and she looked lovely in the pictures.
Sometimes it's just trying to get it right-
I hope you can find a way to smooth it over before the wedding (perhaps discussion of what sort of flower she's like to go with her lovely dress?) and I would tactfully suggest to your family to leave the feedback for another day.
Just have a lovely day and smile!!
I had about 7 people in white at my wedding and see loads of people in white at weddings now.
Thankfully it didn't really bother me and one of them privately messaged to ask.
If your not keen say to your mother in law and put on invites?
I sometimes (not very often) think men are lucky - after all they don't have to worry about any of this. At most weddings I've been to the groom, his father and the bride's father, to say nothing of Rabbit and all his (male) friends and relations are wearing exactly the same thing, give or take the odd (some of them very) waistcoat or tie.
How to tell if you've ended up with a batshit MIL?
What did she feel was reasonable to wear to your wedding?
Does anyone else really want an update from OP? I'm desperate to know what the MIL wore!!!!!
I would have went mental if any of my guests wore a white or Ivory or even light cream dress or outfit to my wedding.
I know many will say it's old and out dated now, but I've always thought that the bride should be the only one in those colours, centre of attention.
Also, surely she will blend in a bit in the photos after, stood next to the bride and all
that is a very well known rule and i even wrote on my invites that women were not allowed to wear white. It's completely unacceptable..the bride should be the only one in white
OP, you need to come back under a benign ID with a post that sounds as boring as batshit then message us all to tell us simply so we can find out how it all went down. Most importantly, does she end up with a fascinator/pill box hat and veil and was any cake throwing involved?
Bugger off would you kindly Mamamia. I see our serious journalists here in Aus on MM have as usual got no other crap to poach
as the main forum in Aus for juicy stories they're not allowed near and are using their usual source of journalist integrity in the DM naturally so seems your wedding is becoming a bit of an international shindig.
I hope you haven't got any guests coming from Aus OP
Fwiw when I married my now ex-h then thankfully I didn't have the issue of ex-mil doing this (and being her youngest son I bet she would have) as solved all the headaches of dealing with actual wedding stuff by doing it on the sly with only a couple of people there, a white slip style dress I found that morning on sale for $10
as I'd realised at the last minute I probably should actually wear something over my bikini and being a hot Sydney summer then bugger shoes, I went barefoot.
I did have some class thank you very much, I at least painted my toenails blood red
But made it so much easier as then we just strolled on down to the beach for a swim (near Bondi) and then the pub.
Now ex-mil didn't actually know until a friend let it slip. Now THAT was an interesting phone call, all I can say is thank fuck we were two states away from her.
Wish she was now.
I call DH that by habit, we aren't actually married (he'd like to be) as I don't do weddings. Trust me, I quite simply do not want to be related (even just by marriage) to his parents as 15 yrs since we've met we still can't get rid of my ex-mil, I think I would go a wee bit insane with two like that.
But then DH agrees there so I think I'm safe. Besides, I'm pretty sure the only reason he's still so keen on the whole marriage thing now is because he can then get rid of their name and take mine, that's always been a rare thing we agree on.
But heck, even I'd find a new MIL buying her dress from the bridal section a bit disturbing...
Not just white, not just full length, it's a wedding dress from the bridal range....
Maybe a better approach would have been "are you getting a bright hat/fascinator & bag ? So youre not all white ,.." ....but no, white and full length is not the done thing at all.
I have never heard of this being an issue. Why would you care? Surely it will be obvious you're the bride? It really doesn't matter.
Well this is all over the daily twat, yesterday AND today, they are having a mn field day atm.
It is not a regional thing. It is not typically done. I live in America and my MIL tried this. She bought a white dress on sale and couldn't take it back.
When she showed it to me, I pointed out it had the same type of lace as my gown.
She pushed and pushed because she couldn't return it. She said she had never heard of the 'tradition' and didn't mean to be rude.
She pushed and pushed. I to,d my now husband she would have to be uninvited if she couldn't honor one simple request. She was uninvited and shocked.
She put pressure on my husband to come to the wedding and wear the dress because she had not heard of not wearing white. She didn't mean to be rude. I told my husband she would embarrass herself, look like she didn't approve of me, and lastly to think about the wedding photos. I said if he wanted to spend all that money on wedding photos only to have it 'look like a double wedding' then I would ultimately make peace with the idea. After all she is really only embarrassing herself and looking petty.
She didn't wear the dress and looked lovely at our wedding.
In this day and age with plenty of consignment shops and eBay, the future MIL can sell it if she can't return it.
If she shows up in white, the bride should let it go and feel sad for her MIL for looking so petty.
I've lived all over this country, and I have never seen a local culture where it is ok for anyone, much less the conspicuous MIL to wear all white to the wedding. I think the MIL is being disingenuous if she feigns being innocently "hurt" that her daughter-in-law doesn't think it's right. That bride is in for a life of hell with a manipulative MIL if she doesn't stand by her boundaries. She told her, now let the woman show up in white and get the looks she thinks she deserves as MIL.
josie wow. Omg. I suppose it could have been worse. She could have got a similar dress to the bride - but that would be ops mil.
I have definitely heard of this tradition; best not to undermine the bride on her special day, unlike my mother in law who decided to wear exactly the same dress as the mother of the bride. She'd found out what she had bought and went to the same shop and bought the exact same outfit!! I suppose the wedding photos had an element of symmetry!!
It might seem petty to some, but it'll look unhinged to most. I'm not sure I'd want my future MIL looking unhinged my wedding.
Who wants a Miss Haversham at their own wedding?
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