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Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

(381 Posts)
natalie204 Tue 30-Aug-16 09:49:45

Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)

LellyMcKelly Tue 30-Aug-16 11:12:18

Definitely an odd thing to wear white if you're not the bride. It gives the impression that you're trying to upstage her whether you mean it or not.

PartiallyStars Tue 30-Aug-16 11:13:30

So is it one of these?

StopMakingMeLogOn Tue 30-Aug-16 11:14:05

I thought that white was a demonstration of wealth as much as virginity. Didn't Queen Victoria wear white and people copied it to show they could afford to spend all that money on something totally impractical, when normally dresses had to be useable for more than one occasion as they were expensive?

buddy79 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:15:38

Floor length white is definitely not the done thing for wedding guests, as that's usually the style reserved for the bride unless she instructs otherwise . But from her reaction it sounds like she may not have realised and didn't mean to offend, she's probably disappointed and embarrased. I'd do like pp said and a sort of ' I hope you weren't offended by what I said, I've just heard that usually guests don't wear white or cream, did you see anything else you liked".
A friend's mil wore a long white dress and I'm afraid she does look a bit silly in all the photos. I always heard no black, no white, not the same colour as the bridesmaids, and ideally mob gets first choice of colour, them mog should choose a different colour. Phew!!

HoneyDragon Tue 30-Aug-16 11:16:05

The mother of the bride and guest range at Monsoon are lovely. Not one is floor length and white though. So she clearly must have purchased a bridal gown?

My MiL found a lovely outfit that was in Ivory and wasn't going to buy it until I told her not to be daft. But it was a knee length dress and jacket not a gown.

wowowowow Tue 30-Aug-16 11:16:54

I've never heard of this before but I think it would be extremely rude of your family to mention it to your MIL on the day. Now that is tacky.

HoneyDragon Tue 30-Aug-16 11:17:16

Partiality

My money's on the Hartley with a shrug jacket.

Katarzyna79 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:18:09

life is full of a lot of hardships this is not one of them. As a bride i wouldn't care because i would be the belle of the ball. If your family are well mannered people they shouldnt comment either.

Proudmummytodc2 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:18:16

I was brought up never to where just white to a wedding this is a big No No for me too OP.

Although I don't think my family would actually comment to someone about their outfit especially on my wedding day so it's doesn't cause friction on my day.

PartiallyStars Tue 30-Aug-16 11:19:00

That's exactly what I thought Honey!

Marcipex Tue 30-Aug-16 11:19:05

Is she normally a milzilla?

I don't see how she could have bought from that range without realising.
Are the Monsoon staff banned from commenting, or did they think she was the bride?

GipsyDanger Tue 30-Aug-16 11:19:10

Highly tacky to wear white to a wedding no matter who you are. Screams of desperation. Everyone bloody well knows it's not the done thing hmm

GipsyDanger Tue 30-Aug-16 11:19:55

Well, apart from, the bride I suppose grin
But that may be desperation for another reason 😅

Figgygal Tue 30-Aug-16 11:20:33

I can't believe quite how many people didn't think that this is an issue I thought it was just one of those in built rules of society don't wear white to a wedding but apparently not

Ifailed Tue 30-Aug-16 11:21:57

Which is more important, getting married or what people wear to the ceremony?
If the former, good luck; hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy a long and harmonious marriage.
If the latter, you probably shouldn't be getting married.

Whathaveilost Tue 30-Aug-16 11:22:12

life is full of a lot of hardships this is not one of them

Agreed!!

diddl Tue 30-Aug-16 11:22:57

"She's wearing a wedding dress to someone else's wedding. I think anyone could work out that's a bit fucking odd whether they'd heard of the rule before or not."

Just that!

Can you bear to leave her to it Op?

There will be nothing but understanding when you have to go NC...

Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 11:26:57

I wouldn't personally - I once attended a wedding where the guests were required to wear only white (hmmconfused) and I felt quite uncomfortable until I got there! Wearing white to a wedding just isn't acceptable where I'm from either (the same with black though)

MoreCakePleaseMrs Tue 30-Aug-16 11:27:10

I think she got it in the sale because I can't see it online.
I've had a cup of tea, read the comments and spoken to my sister and realised it's not going to change my wedding so even though for me I wouldn't do it and my family would consider it to be very rude (rightly or wrongly so) she can wear what she wants, if she turns up holding flowers though going to be trouble ;)
Thanks for all your comments. Like I said earlier I'm on my sisters account (hence name change) and I'm going to collect my wedding dress now! So i probably won't get round to registering for an account to reply to comments before my wedding on Friday.
Thanks again everyone x

RockyBird Tue 30-Aug-16 11:27:24

A white floor length dress from Monsoon bridal range = a wedding dress. You future MIL is wearing a wedding dress to your wedding shock

I thought my mother was bad for wearing an almost identical dress to the bridesmaids (same colour and style) at my DBro/DSIL's wedding. My mother is a narc and hugely jealous of all other women, so background there.

OP I would choose an OTT wedding dress in pale pink or scarlet with mucho, mucho sparkles and crystals. Go all out.

mydietstartsmonday Tue 30-Aug-16 11:28:48

Totally not done, what was she thinking, it is common sense & courtesy more than anything.

If she goes ahead and wears it let her just get on with it. As for your family mentioning it, if they feel that strongly then that is up to them.
She will look ridiculous.

Also will she be upstaging your mum?
(No one will upstage you)
Your mum may need to up her game on this!

Mirandawest Tue 30-Aug-16 11:29:17

Can you link to the dress?

MidnightAura Tue 30-Aug-16 11:29:24

Your mother in law is being totally unreasonable!

RockyBird Tue 30-Aug-16 11:29:58

Oh you already have your dress.

All the best for Friday flowers

Ignore your MIL and have a ball.

You're not from "A" and getting married at "MHH" by any chance are you?

PartiallyStars Tue 30-Aug-16 11:29:59

Have a lovely wedding Cake! (and a lovely wedding cake too, I suppose!)

AyeAmarok Tue 30-Aug-16 11:31:36

I wouldn't wear white to a wedding but I wouldn't care if someone wore white to mine. Even if it was a wedding dress.

They're only making themselves look stupid at the end of the day. And nobody should be at the wedding who might mistakenly think someone else was the bride!

MoonfaceAndSilky Tue 30-Aug-16 11:36:33

Oh well, if she does wear it at least you can look back, in years to come, and have a laugh.
Have a lovely day flowers

diddl Tue 30-Aug-16 11:41:36

What does your husband to be think?

"Oh you know what she's like & she doesn't mean anything by it?"

ilovesthediff Tue 30-Aug-16 11:44:39

She is trying to look like a bride at her son's wedding.
She is going to look like a muppet.

BertrandRussell Tue 30-Aug-16 11:47:20

If you know your family are going to be that rude, then warn them in advance not to be.

ilovesthediff Tue 30-Aug-16 11:47:50

That said, I'd let her. My MIL is really big and insisted on wearing a short pink dress and flashed her knickers at everyone. She won't upstage you, she'll just look daft.

HouseworkIsASin10 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:48:36

She will look like Mrs Havisham and you will look gorgeous grin

Have a lovely wedding day!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 30-Aug-16 11:48:50

It's not bridezilla expressing surprise at your MIL-to-be's choice of outfit but I would probably warn my family not to pass comment on the day. Personally I would avoid white at another person's wedding. Especially if it's ankle length. From a bridal range. hmm If she huffs about your response ask her how many wore white to her wedding?

Goingtobeawesome that latter part of your post sounds dreadful I'm sorry.

Crispsheets Tue 30-Aug-16 11:49:27

I find it pathetic that people get get up over this. Not really what the focus of a wedding should be, is it.

Jinxxx Tue 30-Aug-16 11:50:13

My MIL wore white to our wedding. I did hear a lot of comments about it of the "what on earth was she thinking" variety. It would probably been better if someone had raised it earlier and persuaded her to wear something more appropriate. FWIW I actually think it's even more bad form for a guest to wear white if the bride doesn't. And it does confuse the photographer, catering staff etc, rather than fellow guests.

herecomesthsun Tue 30-Aug-16 11:56:21

If the OP has politely commented that this is an unusual plan, that seems entirely reasonable.

If MIL wants to change the dress, she may still be able to, or she could sell it on Ebay (perhaps as a wedding dress!!)

Otherwise, just smile and let her do her own thing, OP has made the appropriate intervention, the rest is up to MIL.

EarthboundMisfit Tue 30-Aug-16 11:59:57

I wouldn't have said anything, and it wouldn't bother me, but she'll look a tit.

GingerbreadGingerbread Tue 30-Aug-16 13:16:36

It's only kind for someone to point out to MIL that people will make comments if she wears a wedding dress to her son's wedding (if she hasn't worked that out herself already.)

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 30-Aug-16 13:20:00

MN is weird about weddings. I'm not sure it's precious or ridiculous for someone to be pissed off that their future MIL has bought an actual wedding dress to wear to her wedding.

I do think this is your fiancé's job to sort out. He needs to remind his mother that wedding dresses are for brides and it's really not on to buy one to wear to your son's wedding. Unless of course she wants everyone there to think she's a properly stereotypical, utterly unhinged, evil MIL...

SirVixofVixHall Tue 30-Aug-16 13:21:31

White is not really appropriate, unless you are A. The Bride. B. A bridesmaid in a dress chosen by the bride to work with hers. C. Wearing an outfit that is only part white, eg a white jacket but coloured dress or hat.
Full length bridal white is absolutely only alright on the bride or her bridesmaids/flower girls. (My mother's smaller bridesmaids wore white, but had coloured sashes).
Cream is a grey area, depends on the outfit really, the shade of cream, and what colour the bride is wearing. I have seen a MOB look lovely in dark cream , knee length, with a little flash of colour in the hat. In fact my own MIL wore something like that to my wedding. (Jaquard cream suit, cream hat with beige-y flowers). I think for your MIL's sake, it is better to have told her, as otherwise she will get raised eyebrows or comments on the day, and will feel really silly. I do wonder what on earth she was thinking though...

Bambambini Tue 30-Aug-16 13:29:00

Wonder if any folk going to a wedding this weekend will be looking to see if the MIL is wearing a white wedding dress.

Op - this is very identifyable- you could have outed yourself - and your sister!

throwingpebbles Tue 30-Aug-16 13:36:11

she'll look like an idiot, but I wouldn't bother reacting if I were you. and it would be rude of your family to comment on her outfit negatively on the day. (far ruder than her outfit faux pas)

Pisssssedofff Tue 30-Aug-16 13:48:43

I can beat this, it's unlucky to wear green to a wedding so what colour do you think my own mother rocked up in ?
We are divorced lol

Kithulu Tue 30-Aug-16 13:54:12

LTB
Seriously run for the hills, this weirdness is only the start. There will be many more times when she will do something unfathomable and odd. It will wind you up. I have found myself thinking arranged marries are a good idea as then you know your parents would pick someone whose parents think along the same lines and can get on with wink

Whathaveilost Tue 30-Aug-16 13:57:44

I can beat this, it's unlucky to wear green to a wedding so what colour do you think my own mother rocked up in ?

Since when can't you wear green to a wedding?

RedSoloCup Tue 30-Aug-16 13:58:11

I've always been told it's v bad etiquette and I think if she wanted to wear white it would be fine if she asked the bride first and the bride was fine with it.

I don't think it matters massively though.

Hulababy Tue 30-Aug-16 14:00:45

Okay, so its not great etiquette and most people know about it, but clearly not everyone. Is it particularly 'bride-like' or easily looks like a non-bridal outfit?

I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.

Please let your family know that comments would be inappropriate, and hopefully they won't be so rude as to comment negative to her about her.

DailyMailPenisPieces Tue 30-Aug-16 14:00:54

Poor form to wear it, but poor form to mention it. Even worse that your family would do.

diddl Tue 30-Aug-16 14:05:52

"Is it particularly 'bride-like' or easily looks like a non-bridal outfit?"

It's a wedding dress.

MrsPoldark Tue 30-Aug-16 14:08:41

My mil bought her outfit about a week after we announced our engagement (which would have been exactly to engineer the attention back on her). & I thought it was hideous. I didn't say I didn't like it to her but dh got a right earful. He then managed to diplomatically suggest to her that she might need to return it if it looked ott once we'd decided what type of wedding we'd have. Needless to say she never did. I never put any wedding photos with her in on display but there are some in an album. I can laugh now but at the time I had the rage

timelytess Tue 30-Aug-16 14:10:25

My daughter was wearing bright white for her wedding, a tailored style. I was comfortable in a cream, flowing outfit, so I bought that. Then, she chose another dress - cream and flowing. We both felt comfortable in our outfits, she looked wonderful, but people must have wondered what the hell I was thinking. We both wore cream. By accident.

My mother wore white for my wedding, and I wore cream. But my mother was a narcissist. She knew what she was doing.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 30-Aug-16 14:12:45

If this worries you, I would say something. I would tell her it's considered bad form to wear a wedding dress when you're not the bride.

I cannot comment on whether this was a gaffe or one upmanship. Either way, she's going to look very silly in a dress designed to be worn by the bride.

I once went to a wedding where a cousin of dh wore a chic and expensive looking knee length white dress, which could easily have been a summer wedding dress. She came to dh and my wedding a couple of years later and her mother must have gone shopping with her for the outfit because it was the most dowdy muddy yellow you ever could see. I was [shocked] at both outfits.

Does your mil want to look ridiculous?

Hulababy Tue 30-Aug-16 14:13:01

Have just caught up - missed some as OP posts are not highlight due to change of name.

Yes, to wear a bridal gown to another person's wedding is definitely not appropriate. And I think anyone would know not to where a bridal gown of any colour to someone else's wedding!

However, I don't think it would have bothered me overly. I don't think it would have taken away from my own role in my wedding, and any negative/awkward thoughts would not have been directed at me, but at the person wearing the dress.

And I still stand by my comment that it would be incredibly rude for any of the guests to actually openly criticise the MIL to be about her outfit at the wedding. It IS rude for them to do so, more so than wearing a white gown to the wedding is. And anyway, who wants their family to start making a scene at their wedding???

MoonfaceAndSilky Tue 30-Aug-16 14:13:17

I can beat this, it's unlucky to wear green to a wedding

Did not know that confused

AgentPineapple Tue 30-Aug-16 14:13:21

It is a thing not to wear white to a wedding, but is it really a big deal?

joseyjo79 Tue 30-Aug-16 14:13:59

Wearing white to a wedding is a big no for me! i made it clear to my mil in advance as when we went shopping she picked a lovely cream dress to wear and I mentioned that id rather she didn't wear white or cream. If your mil has already got it it's too late really to do anything about. I would definitely ask my family not to say anything to her.

Maybe you could ask her to accessorise in the bridesmaids colours? Maybe she just wants to feel like a bigger part of the wedding party.

Stevefromstevenage Tue 30-Aug-16 14:14:34

Mil wore a beautiful white outfit to my wedding. No one thought she was the bride so it was fine.

GarlicMistake Tue 30-Aug-16 14:15:17

Well, OP, you basically told her she's chosen a shit outfit. The atmosphere is 'frosty' no doubt.

It may be poor etiquette to wear white, but it's bloody terrible manners to criticise a guest's appearance.

For what it's worth, I didn't hear about this 'rule' until my mid-thirties, when I planned to wear white to a wedding. It's not as widely-known as you think, and is probably quite recent. In a lot of countries/cultures, white is the traditional choice for guests.

I think you need to backtrack, with flowers & chocolates.

ohlittlepea Tue 30-Aug-16 14:20:23

She's making herself look a dick. My sil tried to do this at my wedding white lacy dress luckily bil took one look and told her there was no way she was wearing a bridal dress to someone elses wedding. She'd only have been embarrassing herself tho.

bearleftmonkeyright Tue 30-Aug-16 14:23:46

Is this your MIL on the left OP?

GarlicMistake Tue 30-Aug-16 14:26:05

She will have exchanged it by now, I guess. Hope they do the same one in different colours.

Fanjolena Tue 30-Aug-16 14:26:49

I've heard of this but I honestly think it's ridiculous. Why does it really matter? Who will it hurt? Is she or anyone else in white really likely to be mistaken for the bride? Unless it's an actual wedding dress then let it go. Most brides are so wrapped up in their big day they couldn't give a flying rats arse what others are wearing.

Ragwort Tue 30-Aug-16 14:28:05

My (ex - for a reason grin) MIL did this; I had a civil ceremony but had a cream dress with a fairly distinctive style - MIL bought one practically the same shock - my DM had a tactful word with her, she still insisted on wearing to the actual ceremony but then she and my SILs changed into really scruffy 'casual' clothes for the reception.

I cannot believe that no one knows the rule about not wearing white/cream or black to a wedding. hmm

squoosh Tue 30-Aug-16 14:28:10

I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before

grin

Suuuuure she hadn't heard that before..........

Hockeydude Tue 30-Aug-16 14:28:24

She'll just look a complete arsehole if she wears white, I'd have not said anything and let her see how well it went down for herself.

ToffeeForEveryone Tue 30-Aug-16 14:28:51

I think you need to backtrack, with flowers & chocolates.

GarlicMistake did you miss the part where the MIL has bought an actual wedding dress to wear to the wedding?! It's not just a white outfit (which would be strange enough). It probably is lovely, most bridal gowns are, but the person who has crossed a social boundary here is clearly the MIL, not OP ...

Ivydalegirl Tue 30-Aug-16 14:29:15

Find it hard to believe she hadn't heard about this. You will look beautiful she will be getting whispered gasps!

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 30-Aug-16 14:30:27

It is not bad manners to tell your MIL/mother a guest that it's not appropriate to wear a wedding dress to someone else's wedding. If you do it beforehand you're doing them a favour.

Who goes to the wedding dress section of monsoon to find an outfit for someone else's wedding?

Juliejelly1962 Tue 30-Aug-16 14:30:30

I wore a creamy white dress to my sons wedding . It was knee length and it looked lovely. Only out of tescos too lol.

squoosh Tue 30-Aug-16 14:30:48

The dress is from monsoons bridal range.

Easy peasy mistake to make! grin grin

ImYourMama Tue 30-Aug-16 14:31:28

My MIL did this and it still rankles to this day! Every photo there are two white dresses. Grrrrrrr.

MyNightWithMaud Tue 30-Aug-16 14:32:21

I have heard both the no white at a wedding and green is unlucky at weddings things.

I wouldn't have cared what colour people wore to our wedding - we didn't have a colour scheme or any of that hoopla - but surely wearing a bridal gown to another person's wedding is a bit nuts? They're hardly going to merge into the background. And is this a daytime wedding? A floor length dress in any colour seems OTT too, but maybe I'm out of touch. ::Old gimmer::

furryminkymoo Tue 30-Aug-16 14:32:30

A friend wore a cream dress and jacket to our wedding, it was her actual wedding dress that she had worn for her wedding the previous year! at the time I didn't think too much about it but when we looked through the photos afterwards it does look she is a stand in bride.

I think that your DH to be needs to have a quiet word.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 30-Aug-16 14:33:04

The not wearing white/cream thing is a total red herring. This is a thread about a guest deciding to wear a wedding dress to someone else's wedding.

There is absolutely no chance that the MIL didn't know this was unacceptable when she sauntered into monsoon and chose one of the White wedding dresses from the bridal section.

bearleftmonkeyright Tue 30-Aug-16 14:33:19

Its a wedding dress. She is wearing a wedding dress to her sons wedding. A white dress is just about acceptable but a wedding dress? I would be eloping or running for the hills.

Firsttimemom2013 Tue 30-Aug-16 14:34:38

My mom wore ivory to my wedding she looked stunning I wouldn't be bothered really

squoosh Tue 30-Aug-16 14:38:09

I never knew MN had an Eitquette section!

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 30-Aug-16 14:43:06

I bet it's just hundreds of people banging on about bloody debretts like its 1952, squoosh.

JigglypuffsCaptor Tue 30-Aug-16 14:43:16

Mr ex-mil wore white to my wedding, didn't tell me till I got to the church and saw her in a full length white gown.

I was seething through our ceremony, then when we reached the venue, she came up to me to say how beautiful I looked and did I like her dress?! hmm

I say said "yes" through gritted teeth, my brother however put the nail in the coffin when during his speech said "apparently (exh) mother seems to have forgotten she's not at her own bloody wedding and turned up like a cake topper" my family errupted with laughter, I died a death and my ex-h whispered in my ear "I don't like your brother" I replied " I don't like your mother"

We were divorced 18monthd later after a abusive marriage.

It's not the done thing to turn up in white.

LobsterCrumble Tue 30-Aug-16 14:44:42

In your position, I'd be far more concerned by the fact I thought my family would consider it OK to make someone feel uncomfortable about their outfit.

AndYourBirdCanSing Tue 30-Aug-16 14:51:06

JigglyPuff good for your brother!!

MrsHam13 Tue 30-Aug-16 14:55:15

Holy Moly Jigglypuffs! I hope you are much happier now out that family! High five to your brother ha!

squoosh Tue 30-Aug-16 14:56:24

I bet it's just hundreds of people banging on about bloody debretts like its 1952, squoosh.

Or furious rants about being offered a paper napkin by some barbarian.

JigglypuffsCaptor Tue 30-Aug-16 14:56:59

And Aii, he's always looked out for his little sister I suppose, he never liked ex-h and when found out what ex-h had done to me (which led to an assault charge and a restraining order) it took me, my mother and elderly grandmother to restrain him blush

I repay him by still kicking him under the table when he comes for a family meal once a week grin were still in our twenties!

Never get married at 21 will be my Moro for my children haha

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus Tue 30-Aug-16 14:57:20

Worse: a paper serviette!

squoosh Tue 30-Aug-16 14:58:38

<faints>

PinkPlastic Tue 30-Aug-16 15:22:55

I wouldn't worry about it, not worth the effort IMHO.

And FWIW she could be worse, she could be my then 60yo MIL and turn up to our very posh middle class wedding wearing perspex stripper sandals and a pink lycra bodycon bandage dress. My DAunt still talking about it 9 years later...

PinkPlastic Tue 30-Aug-16 15:29:41

Ok just re-read thread. Sorry, an actual wedding dress us unacceptable

ZansSerif Tue 30-Aug-16 15:34:02

If it's your MIL (as opposed to your own mum), she's never liked you and it's an actual wedding dress, I think it's reasonable to think she has an agenda - though it might be subconscious I suppose, so she's just somehow convinced herself it's a reasonable choice, and won't admit she's trying to be the centre of attention at her son's wedding.

I wouldn't have said anything, I'd have just changed my own dress to bright pink or something, and let her look daft on the day.

tinglyfing Tue 30-Aug-16 15:50:30

I think for her sake, (assuming she hasn't chosen white deliberately) someone should have a word. She's gonna look a bit daft, in what sounds like, a bloody wedding dress.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Tue 30-Aug-16 15:53:17

Wtf! It's a bit off of her but to be honest I don't think I could bring myself to tell someone what to wear. She's going to look like an attention seeking jerk, even if she isn't. I actually feel a wee bit sorry for her! blush Maybe she's yanking your chain.

TealLove Tue 30-Aug-16 15:56:52

This is such a no.
Floor length white! Absolutely shocking.

Inertia Tue 30-Aug-16 15:59:43

She's chosen a wedding dress to wear as a guest as her son's wedding- she'd need to be spectacularly naive to think that would be a good idea.

I think you were right to say something, but I think your husband-to-be needs to make it clear that if she wears this dress, then other guests are likely to form the opinion that she's deliberately trying to upstage or embarrass you.

Gallievans Tue 30-Aug-16 16:06:50

Definitely something going on there! Muy (fantastic)MIL wore a biscuit coloured suit to ours. DH aged grandmother on the other hand refused to put on beautiful suit she had chosen with her DS specifically and turned up in slippers, scraggy skirt & top and o!d-fashioned apron over the top. Not suffering from dementia either, juyat didn't want to get all dressed up. Neither DH nor I actually noticed until after the service when having family photos with the grandparents. My DGM and his DGM & Great Aunt were so censorious it was hilarious.

But white at a wedding has always been a big no unless specified by the bride!

Koan Tue 30-Aug-16 16:08:37

Yes the floor length as much as, or even more so than the white, is so obviously wrong. I didn't know this as etiquette till reading it here, just knew it from every wedding I've attended - only the bride or her bridesmaids wear floor length dresses and only the bride herself ime, wears white (or not, it's her prerogative).

MrsDeVere Tue 30-Aug-16 16:14:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milkyface Tue 30-Aug-16 16:17:02

Unless she's from a completely different background than you I'm guessing she will have heard that you shouldn't wear white to someone else's wedding.

Personally I'd be pissed, but I'd let her wear what she wanted, and I wouldn't pass comment on it at the wedding.

However, I'm sure pretty much every other female guest will pick up on it and be upset on your behalf and say something (to her face or behind her back)

As much as everyone will know you're the bride etc etc, it's just something you don't do in my eyes!

WankersHacksandThieves Tue 30-Aug-16 16:20:44

I've been to a wedding recently where the brides mum wore a white outfit - it looked fine and not at all bridal and presumably the bride was fine with it. It just made her look part of the wedding party - all the bridesmaids/flowergirls were in white too.

Momoftwoscallywags Tue 30-Aug-16 16:21:34

When I was very young and naive (around 20ish) I wore a full length, very beautiful white dress to the evening do of my then boyfriends work colleague.

I got a really odd look from the bride which I must say really upset me and she was frosty to me for the rest of our acquaintance, which was totally understandable considering the circumstances.

I only found out what a faux pas I had made when I mentioned what had happened to my Mother and she told me that it is usually only the bride who wears white to a wedding! I have never done it since.

So I wish to apologise to the bride now and I am only glad I am not in any of the photos and can only plead ignorance as my excuse.

QueenofFatAsses Tue 30-Aug-16 16:21:50

Why does anyone care about this stuff, I mean really?
It is your day, you love your other half, what does it matter what any one wears?

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