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Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

(381 Posts)
natalie204 Tue 30-Aug-16 09:49:45

Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)

bigTillyMint Tue 30-Aug-16 10:06:30

My MIL wore cream IIRC, bit not as ostentatious as your Mis outfitwink - I wasn't bothered as I was wearing turquoise!

Do you think she is trying yo upstage you or was genuinely not realising?

SuburbanRhonda Tue 30-Aug-16 10:07:47

Leave her to it, I'm sure plenty of people will mention it to her on the day.

Seriously? Do people honestly behave this badly at weddings? shock

OpenMe Tue 30-Aug-16 10:13:18

TBH, I've got only ever heard of this being a problem on here. No something I'd do as I'd never wear white when I'm expected to eat/drink and now I've been educated by MN obviously but it's not something I was aware of previously.

A friend recently posted photos of her and dh as wedding guests. She was wearing a full skirted white lace dress and the thought 'uhoh" but all the comments were how lovely she looked, which she did.

MIL might be making am etiquette slip, but your family are ruder if they'd really mention it

5moreminutes Tue 30-Aug-16 10:13:47

I think its fairly universal not to wear a floor length white evening dress (i.e. a wedding dress) to somebody else's wedding, but there is no reason for the bride to care - MIL may end up feeling silly/ getting a bit of a ribbing/ being talked about behind her back for trying to look like the bride even though by the sounds of it she meant nothing by it... You've mentioned it so it's up to her now - if the subject comes up again be sure to be clear you are only thinking of her in case anyone makes jokes at the wedding...

If it was your DH's ex or your little sister who has always seemed to have a thing for him or something it might be different... wink shock

Whathaveilost Tue 30-Aug-16 10:15:16

She never heard it before!!!!??. Neither have I!

Oh please, how ridiculous

The fact that she has done this is a 'fuck you' to you OP I'm afraid how did you work that one out Columbo?

I really really don't see why it's a problem unless she's turns up in a veil screaming 'don't leave me' to her son.

No wonder things are frosty now.
Does it seriously matter what she wears. She seemed happy with her purchase and you were rude.
Your family have no buisness mentioning to her either and if they do they are rude fuckers as well to be honest.
Live and let live. You enjoy your wedding and she enjoys her outfit.

MoreCakePleaseMrs Tue 30-Aug-16 10:16:18

Thanks everyone. MIL has never actually ever taken to me, been with my partner 10 years, 2 kids and still very much not keen on me. My fil likes me a lot.
I can tell my family not to say something but they're adults.
The dress is from monsoons bridal range. A beautiful dress. I think she will look beautiful in it, obviously it's not that people will think she's the bride. I've just been brought up to not wear only white/ivory/cream to a wedding

SuburbanRhonda Tue 30-Aug-16 10:19:44

OP, why have you NC'd?

EssentialHummus Tue 30-Aug-16 10:24:32

The dress is from monsoons bridal range.

Er... She can't be that dim, surely?

NoahVale Tue 30-Aug-16 10:26:30

I am sure it doesnt matter.
i do hope you havent hurt her feelings too much op.
are you becoming a tad bridezilla?

sentia Tue 30-Aug-16 10:28:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OpenMe Tue 30-Aug-16 10:29:33

Is this one of those rules that only actually applies <whispers> in the lower orders?

Remember all the fuss (on here) about Pippa wearing white at Kate's wedding? I imagine the etiquette experts were all over those particular wedding plans

Lifegavemelemons Tue 30-Aug-16 10:30:17

I didn't know that 'rule' until I came on MN - and I'm a professional in her 60's who's been to lots of weddings .... I asked around friends and family when i first saw it mentioned and the colour rules any of them knew was not green because it's unlucky and not black because it's for funerals ...

tofutti Tue 30-Aug-16 10:30:25

She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.

She's shocked you called her up on it! Well done grin

I wouldn't stop your family from saying something to her.

NoahVale Tue 30-Aug-16 10:30:37

Pippa was a bridesmaid surely???

SolomanDaisy Tue 30-Aug-16 10:30:42

She's wearing a wedding dress to someone else's wedding. I think anyone could work out that's a bit fucking odd whether they'd heard of the rule before or not.

NataliaOsipova Tue 30-Aug-16 10:30:43

I agree - it's not done to wear white to a wedding. A very cream suit, say, might pass muster as the groom's mother but a floor length white evening dress? Definitely not.

Soubriquet Tue 30-Aug-16 10:31:05

Leave her to it

Everyone will think she looks a bit twatty and you can have a nice smug wedding

My mum wore a floor gown dress in a blue so dark it was almost black. Doesn't sound too bad but when I knew she didn't like my Dh it was very sinister

NoahVale Tue 30-Aug-16 10:31:29

no i remember the mother of the groom at a wedding i went to, pre mumsnet, wore white and i was surprised.

wouldnt dream of saying anything though.

SuburbanRhonda Tue 30-Aug-16 10:32:49

I wouldn't stop your family from saying something to her.

shock

NataliaOsipova Tue 30-Aug-16 10:33:28

Yes - Pippa was a bridesmaid, so that had presumably been chosen by the bride! Agree with Soloman Daisy too - it's just odd to buy a wedding dress (or a dress from a "bridal range") for someone else's wedding. It's like an uber version of little girls who aren't bridesmaids or flower girls turning up in what is obviously supposed to be a bridesmaid dress....

kaitlinktm Tue 30-Aug-16 10:33:33

It's interesting to hear that it's now considered not the done thing to wear white/cream to a wedding unless you are the bride.

I got married in 1980 - wore white - and my mother chose a very pale ecru suit and hat. She does like the colour admittedly and it suits her (but then lots of colours suit her) and at the time all those years ago I felt disappointed somehow but couldn't explain why. I never said anything of course but I still think of it - all these years and a divorce later! grin

One or two people commented privately to me when I showed them the photos but to this day she has no idea how I felt or that some people thought it wasn't the done thing.

At least it wasn't floor length though.

I wonder why they didn't say something in the shop - there must have been other dresses equally beautiful she could have chosen.

AndYourBirdCanSing Tue 30-Aug-16 10:33:41

Oh come on, you don't wear a floor length white or cream dress a wedding! I didn't wear one to my own wedding so she would have looked more like the bride then me grin Maybe not as bad if you have a big wedding dress though.

I have seen photos from one wedding where the bride was wearing all purple- one guest was in a white dress and was arranged behind other guests in every staged photo

FrancisCrawford Tue 30-Aug-16 10:33:58

Even if she has never heard that it is really off to wear white to a wedding, then common sense should have stopped her buying a full length white dress from a bridal range.

She sounds nasty, but if course she isn't going to upstage you. She'll just look a bit sad.band if nobody other than the bride and bridesmaids are wearing long dresses, then she will look terribly out of place.

BluishSky Tue 30-Aug-16 10:34:05

Do you look so similar that you think people will confuse her with y and think she's the bride? <head tilt>

NoahVale Tue 30-Aug-16 10:35:48

she is the mother of the groom,
quite an important person in the whole event.
i am sure she can't win whatever she wears by the sound of things.

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