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Godparent changing

(30 Posts)
DSM Fri 10-Dec-10 07:46:42

Can you change a Childs godparents? My DS is 5 and sadly, his godmother (whom I had been best friends with for 12 years, and literally saw every day) hasn't seem us since his 2nd birthday.

I'd really like to 'cancel' her godmother status, and reappoint a new one. Is this even a done thing? Do you have to make it official in some way? Should a small ceremony be held? Will people find it odd/offensive?

Goblinchild Fri 10-Dec-10 07:52:11

Ask a priest or a vicar. I'd be very surprised if it were possible. What would be the point?
If you are a Christian, why not just look for better role models amongst the people you now know for your child to form relationships with and have a good example of Faith set.
A small ceremony? Where both are present and the failed one has the candle ceremoniously snatched from them and given to a more suitable candidate? And her original baptism gift is trampled underfoot?
You sound a bit odd to me.

RockinRobinBird Fri 10-Dec-10 07:58:22

No, of course you can't do that!

DSM Fri 10-Dec-10 08:06:10


I'm really not odd.

I'm sorry, ive obviously cone across as a loon. blush

I don't speak to his godmother anymore, and I find it really very sad that I have such wonderful friends who would all be delighted to have the 'title', and whenever he asks I have to explain about her which is upsetting, and will only get worse as he gets older and asks more questions.

I was just thinking if I asked someone else to 'officially' be his godmother, would I need to have his baptism certificate changed or does it really never matter. I don't recall ever seeing mine, for example. As for the ceremony, I really just meant organising a wee get-together, making a small announcement and having a toast. That was all blush

I'll forget about it.


marriednotmulled Fri 10-Dec-10 08:22:57

I understand what you're trying to achieve but it is unheard of.

How do you regard the status of a Godmother- are you very religious?

Most people I've spoken to over the years see it as an adult able to give moral/spiritual guidance and in extreme circumstances, bring the child up if anything was to happen to you.

Maybe add some 'special aunties?' smile

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret Fri 10-Dec-10 08:29:29

You do not need a ceremony or a title to support a child.

Taking it away sounds like an act of spite rather than a move to give your child a supporter....because as I said you do NOT need the 'title' ???

MaryBS Fri 10-Dec-10 08:38:06

If you've got a good friend, why not ask them to be "honorary Godparent"?

Rindercella Fri 10-Dec-10 08:41:37

Does your 5 year old ask you often about his Godparents then?

DSM Fri 10-Dec-10 18:45:11

He has lots of 'special aunties', my friends are brilliant. Just one in particular I wish I'd chosen in the first place really.

I'm not hugely religious no, but growing up (and still now really) my godmother was quite special to me. Never gave me 'spiritual' guidance or anything of that nature, I just felt close to her and like she was special to me. I'd love DS to have that, that's all.

He does ask about his godparents, often enough that it made me think about it. It wouldn't be out of spite, far from it, to be honest I doubt the current godmother would ever know, nor do I care.

I realise it's a foolish idea and I will forget about it. Thank you for your replies.

LifeForRent Sun 12-Dec-10 19:19:27

If you're not religious why did you get your child baptised in the first place?

sloggies Wed 05-Jan-11 09:41:18

Unfortunately, God parents do not come with guarantees, as you have a previous poster said, you could ask someone to be an 'honorary', and would probably be flattered to be asked. Forget about the other one.

Crumpetburger Fri 16-Aug-13 21:40:21


I have the same issue.
My children have never seen their godparents and they really don't care about them. I'd love to appoint a very good friend as his godparent.

Did you look into this?

OvertiredandConfused Fri 30-Aug-13 08:47:10

Bit late to this thread, but just wanted to say I have experience of this.

I "took on" an extra godson when he was about five as his parents didn't see his original godparents anymore. We didn't do anything official, in church or anything like that, we just discussed it and it happened. He'll be 18 in a few months and I'm a very proud godmother!

FourLittleDudes Fri 30-Aug-13 08:50:57

I recently had my son baptised. The vicar accidentally wrote the wrong name on the certificate so I took it back to him - he said to just cross it out and write the correct name in.

maharaniji1 Mon 03-Mar-14 22:43:54

just want to say I know this is a long time now since you wrote that post but I think there's nothing about your question and I totally understand that through life's twists and turns the god parents can loose touch and it is sad but also they are required for child's communion and confirmation ... and that's the reasons I am currently researching this topic also ! I thought ur idea about creating a ceremony was lovely actually .. !

Millpark29 Sat 28-Jun-14 09:57:37

Gosh! I'm surprised how unhelpful some people on this thread have been. I don't think you're odd and completely understand your query. I found this thread after googling info in the very same issue for similar reasons. My DD has a wonderfully involved Godmother but sadly following my brothers Divorce, my DS doesn't even see his godmother. Am looking into 'appointing' someone else too

Jojobean82 Tue 02-Sep-14 10:25:22

I know this is a bit late but I don't find it odd either. My son is now 13 and has actually said he wishes he could choose new godparents himself because his don't bother with him and probably wouldn't know them if they passed in the street. However he is very close to 2 of my friends who he looks at as his aunty and uncle and would of liked them to be his godparents. I have a 4 year old daughter who I would change 2 of her godparents too if I could.

mamayogini Tue 30-Sep-14 20:17:24

I agree with a couple of the last people who wrote on this thread - it's very sad that you received such unsupportive messages in response to a situation that can create a lot of heartache. You're not odd at all; you're totally normal to want your son to have someone who watches over him, loves and supports him and who at some time in his life may be able to offer guidance that you, as his mother, perhaps cannot. I find myself in a similar situation. When my friend agreed to be my son's godmother, I believed she understood that this would be a commitment for life and I believed our friendship would also be lifelong. Sadly, she has very recently told me that 'things have changed' and she no longer wishes us to be friends. She was at my son's birth; he talks about her a lot, her daughter is like an older sister to him and we're both very sad that she's now apparently chosen to withdraw from our lives. When I asked her - very gently - what she wanted to do about the fact that she'd taken on this role and responsibility her response was 'well, you might be emigrating soon...' as though that relieved her from the position. I'm not sure I wish to 'un-annoint' her (it's not possible anyway) but like some of the other respondents here, I've always felt very lucky to have 2 godmothers who have just 'been there' during all my major life events, and one of them was very loving and supportive during a challenging time after my son was born. It just makes me very sad that she doesn't feel a sense of love, commitment and responsibility to him despite our friendship. I just hope that one day there will be another friend who'd like to take on the role of 'spiritual guide and mentor' to him, even unofficially, who WILL want to make that a life-long commitment.

Louisamariewest Thu 18-Aug-16 21:45:24

There is nothing more upsetting than giving somebody the honour of being your child's Godparent then watch the years tick by and seeing that evidently they have no desire to be in your child's life!! Why accept in the first place?!!!! Their loss!!!!

scotslass67 Sat 01-Jul-17 17:46:25


My daughter wants to change the godmother to my Grandson and I don't blame her. Night before my Grandsons First Holy Communion, 2 weeks ago - we saw her out in town smoking a fag while pregnant. She was obviously drinking standing outside a bar also. She's never been there for my Grandson and I'll be doing my hardest to see how we can go ways about changing this. I've never once seen my Godfather and I'm now 50. Come to think of it, same with my real father!! smile

GottonamechangeNow17 Sat 01-Jul-17 17:49:52

OP I completely get you!! I have thought similar.. out of the 4 godparents my dd has (one of whom is my mother)..they are all shit. No contact at all etc etc.. I so wish I could choose again! X

Victoria1912 Sun 23-Jul-17 00:26:59

I have exactly the same problem! My girls were christened about 4 yeas ago.. they were at the time about 10m and 8.. one of their godparents who was my best friend since young hasn't really bothered. We fell out and since then she hasn't seen or paid an interest to my kids. She has always been a spiritual person and believed in God and she was the perfect person for the "job"... but she has proved me wrong.
Is there a way of choosing someone else? Any thoughts pls x

ItsNachoCheese Sun 23-Jul-17 00:31:22

I have "official yet unofficial" godparents for ds as in i asked them and theres no church or anything involved

Debbie7612 Mon 24-Jul-17 21:40:42

I'm here because I'm wondering the same. Mine is slightly different because my sons baptism is coming up and I've just realised one of his God parents might not be around in our lives for very long if there isn't a serious attitude change in their part. He displayed some nasty, spiteful side I found quite repulsive. Thankfully he will have other godparents but I feel a bit repulsed he would be taking affirmations on the day

akkakk Mon 24-Jul-17 21:54:15

there is no legal status to a godparent, so arguably you can do what you wish - it is a strange relationship - being recognised by society as a formal relationship yet having no legal status as such...

it is however founded on a set of promises made before God and there is nothing to prevent having another ceremony in church to formalise it if you wish... For one of my Godsons I was made Godparent at his younger brother's baptism when he was 2 - as his parents realised that he only had family godparents and no believing Christian ones... so it is totally possible and as it can work well as an important relationship with an adult external to the family who is trusted by the parents, it is worth getting right...

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