If you were asked to host a mixed sleepover for Year 8s at a mixed school?

[Cochise]

So dd wants her male and female friends to come over for a sleepover. We can put them in separate rooms (m and f) on the same floor as our bedroom. Whaddya think? Would other mums be horrified?

[TrillianAstra]

Sounds fine to me.

[AnyFucker]

I dunno about the other mums

But there is no way I would have a bunch of 12/13 yo's sleeping in my house (mixed sex or same sex)

The mess !

The noise !

The lack of sleep !

The confiscation of various banned substances !

Never

[Cochise]

Thanks...wonder if others also feel it's OK...

[Cochise]

or not...

There will be absolutely no banned substances.

Otherwise, I know, I am a fool.

[bellavita]

DS1 is Yr9 now, but in the summer he did a mixed sleep over at one of his friends. They had a huge tent in the garden - they also did the same the year before (same kids too) in Yr7. I have no problem with it.

I have 3 of his friends (all boys though) sleeping next Friday and they will all be downstairs.

[AnyFucker]

Seriously now.....why ?????

Why would you do this ? You are crazy and you will regret it.

Can they not go the flicks or summat ?

Mark my words < doom >

[spikeycow]

Nope. Problems and upset will be caused.

[Cochise]

What was initially proposed - by dd - was that they all sleep in the open-plan converted loft, ie the floor above the other bedrooms. I said no to that. I think I'm more concerned about possible pyromaniacs under our roof than fumblings under the sheets.

AF: well, we have had the girls sleep over before, and there are two boys that dd has a good platonic relationship with. I'm keen to help her with her friendships - she is rather individual, so not into normative friendship groups.

It also gives us a chance to get to know the kids she hangs around with, and for them to know us. I would rather she brought them round here so we can pick up any vibes which are going on - eg who fancies who, who is being mean, how they relate to one another, etc.

Bellavita, I'm glad to hear you're doing mixed sleepovers. Anyone else doing them?

[electra]

I would think fine.

[Cochise]

Thanks, Electra. Good that people seem OK with it, even if appalled at me doing such a thing!

[mumblechum]

It would be fine. Ds has been to mixed sleepovers in sep rooms with no probs.

Make sure you have five tons of bacon butties ready in the morning

AF, you need to chill! They're human beens, innit, not monsters.

[MrsTayto]

I wouldn't.

Because I would fear someone else's mum would shriek about it and frankly I can't be arsed with the interrogation and judging that would then commence.

[SkylineDrifter]

Ok am assuming they are 12-13? Not sure as we don't call it Year 8 in Scotland. As long as you run the arrangements past the other parents and they're ok with it, I don't see any problem as long as they're in separate rooms at bedtime, and you're keeping an ear out during the night.

The bacon butties in the morning are a good idea though.

[Cochise]

It's the shrieking of the mums that I'm worried about. But I think you're right, Skyline, maybe I could email mums first and explain in detail the sleeping arrangements.

I tend to do pain au chocolat and toast rather than bacon butties - these are mainly figure paranoid conscious girls, remember!

[Cochise]

Sorry, yes, they are 12-13.

[offtopooatpaulshouse]

Mixed sleepovers seem to be the norm here too. I was a bit shocked at first, probably owing to the fact that I went to an all girls school, but once I realised that there are actually DS's friends and that they are just having fun etc I am now happy with it. All the parents seem to stipulate separate rooms for boys and girls and not had any prblems so far

[Cochise]

It's funny though - MN threads always make me think (to say the least). I wonder if I should instead have started a thread entitled: How do I learn to say no to my dd's constant demands which involve a vast amount of work on my part?

I get the kudos of all the other mums saying how brave I am, though - they always have with the single sex sleepovers!

[PacificDogwood]

I'd be ok with a mixed sleep-over in fact I think it is great to encourage platonic friendships as long as possible. Hormones and stuff will get in the way soon enough...

Good luck though; make sure your house insurance is paid up !

[Cochise]

Yes, I like the emphasis on platonic. And I don't mind teenagers getting into the habit of hanging out round here without making out. I want to know who they are!

[AnyFucker]

well, I would very strongly hope that their friendships were "platonic" at the age of 12-13

cochise...I think your second suggestion of a title for your OP is a more accurate representation of what you are proposing, tbh

and I am quite, quite chilled, thank you

I just happen to be very realistic about a party of mixed teenagers sleeping overnight in the same room

they won't sleep

you won't sleep

your house will be a complete mess

it will involve an awful lot of work for you

personally, that is reason enough for me not to give my dd everything that she ever asks for...

[Cochise]

Well, it's just that at some single sex schools round here there's an emphasis on girls "having a boyfriend" rather like having a medal. Even at 12. I'm sure they don't do much, just "go out" to the cinema etc. But I'd rather girls this age had a group of m and f platonic friends instead of one on one obsessional behaviour. Which in my opinion is usually just manipulation of a gullible (but extremely good-looking) boy by a girl who wants to be seen as popular.

And, um, 'twasn't actually me who suggested you chill, AF. As I indicated, I think you have some very good points, which made me think about my real thread title, and I'm honestly grateful. I think I am too anxious about dd being left out socially so I am overcompensating.

[Dumbledorina]

I think it's fine, providing that the parents know the set up - as other posters have said, it promotes the concept of the opposite sex as friends, rather than boyfriend/girlfriend.

You will need to supervise closely but unobtrusively!

[usualsuspect]

I would think it was fine ..my ds has friends of both sexes

[AnyFucker]

sorry, cochise, I included a reply to a point made to me personally in my post to you

I know you didn't say for me to "chill"

I should have posted that separately

[AnyFucker]

oh christ no, don't give in if you realise you are overcompensating so that she can be "the cool girl"

she has to forge those kinds of relationships for herself, and develop her own persona

mummy shouldn't be doing something she doesn't want to do, to further her dd's social standing

do it if you really want to

but don't do it if this is your version of buying all the designer trainers/presenting teenager with brand new RangeRover on 17th birthday/throwing a sweet 16 party complete with Cristal and limousines/insert OTT indulgence of teenager as you see fit

do you see where I am coming from ?