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Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread 2011 is.....

(858 Posts)
FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 09:14:28

open for business. Knock yerselves out. grin

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 09:20:50

And I suppose I should start with C&Ping this from last year for any FPC virgins:

*OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.*

ForYourDreamsAreChina Sat 24-Sep-11 09:22:27

<claps hands and has at the chutney jars>

(s'me Bucharest btw!)

ForYourDreamsAreChina Sat 24-Sep-11 09:23:29

(I actually lay in bed worrying that it was late, that I hadn't yet done anything and whilst hyperventilating kept saying to myself like a mantra"but it will be OK, it's not too late, fellatio's thread isn'tup yet".grin

Alibabaandthe80nappies Sat 24-Sep-11 09:24:49

Yay! grin

This suggests you've escaped from the clutches of your mad house-buyer rather than being chained to the stairs to help with the painting or something!

PonceyMcPonce Sat 24-Sep-11 09:26:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 09:28:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 09:30:33

Do you suppose I can smuggle a huge frozen turkey in a sufficiently insulated coolbag into my hand luggage? I am already planning to taking a christmas tree as excess baggage.

SierraMadre Sat 24-Sep-11 09:33:27

Hurrah! The rear (Inc kitchen and bathroom) of the Sierra house is currently being rebuilt and the next time we will live in it will be just before Christmas, so as far as I was concerned, Christmas was just around the corner as soon as we moved out grin

Am having my parents, Dsis, BIL and DN for Christmas, so am determined to make it the Best Christmas Ever TM

pissedrightoff Sat 24-Sep-11 09:38:25

WHOO HOO, Here we go.

I had this marked on my calendar, DH thinks I have lost the plot!

LemonDifficult Sat 24-Sep-11 09:38:52

Whaaahhooooo. Totes merryness all round.

Blackberry vodka underway since yesterday.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 24-Sep-11 09:39:24

I made a couple of notes in my diary this year from Crimbo last year which I'm going to follow:

1. DO NOT buy Quality Street/Roses/Thorntons chocolates - they all now contain soy/soya and tasted disgusting last year (my non-fussy family actually threw half of them out!) - instead buy a nice box from Hotel Chocolat/Prestat/Chococo and buy less and enjoy it.

2. Make your Delia Cake (it might have been Good Housekeeping) as everyone liked it more than the M&S ones you'd bought previously

3. Yes, parsnips do cook right on the bottom of the oven beautifully in 1/5 -2 hours when there's no room - and you don't have to worry about them

I have already made great chutney for consumption and we're already eating it. And I'm going to handmake some nice cards - maybe cross stitch them as I'm now getting bored in the evening.

GossipWitch Sat 24-Sep-11 09:42:23

I am spending Christmas on my own with my kiddies, I am planning on making home-made hampers for family, plus home-made and recycled xmas cards, I'm also a pagan so I'll be doing Yule based things as well, but as my boy's friends and my family all have Christmas, I have to do Christmas too. Any ides would be greatly appreciated though, its the first time I'm doing the hamper's.

LoveInAColdClimate Sat 24-Sep-11 09:45:30

Hurrah! Marking place for later.

WorzselMummage Sat 24-Sep-11 09:45:51

I've been waiting for this, I got some amazing ideas from the poncetastic post last year and then got noro 5 days before christmas and spent the whole of Christmas week on the bog

We made felt robin Christmas cards last year and they turned out lovely

My Christmas cake is already done smile

CiderwithBuda Sat 24-Sep-11 09:46:14

Been trying to stay off MN but can't now can I??

We are back in Uk after 16 years and are in our new house which is a 3 Xmas tree house! Unfortunately the Holly tree in the garden didn't survive the builder moving it but we will be planting another.

Xmas will actually be in Dublin but will still be decorating this house and will be doing food at my parents.

Fellatio - good luck with the move! I know some teachers in Quatar.

gapants Sat 24-Sep-11 09:47:24


I have made my chilli jam for some gifting.

Have looked out my florists ring for my wreath and have been spotting Holly bushed locally.

Have started to buy up booze. So far 3 bottles of Prosecco, one Bombay Sapphire and a Captain Morgans Rum.

MartyrStewart Sat 24-Sep-11 09:47:50

<Marks Place>

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 09:48:32

I luuurve your name Martyr! Did you change it especially for this thread?

MartyrStewart Sat 24-Sep-11 09:49:56

Nope, just fancied a name change grin <I was BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger>

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 09:50:39

Ah! Well it is very apt anyway.

LadyInPink Sat 24-Sep-11 09:55:03

<marks place too>

Have heard fab things about this thread and love doing a hand creative Christmas - am hosting this year so won't have to choke on mil's Aunt Bessie Roasties!!

Never too early for this sort of thread smile

BoysInTheHood Sat 24-Sep-11 09:55:45

Can I join in? I'm feeling extra pressure to make Christmas fantastic this year as last year sucked due to me spening half of December in hospital.

Do I have to make some sort of pledge?

<Stands up>

<Clears throat>

My name is BoysInTheHood and I promise to embrace all things christmassy and throw myself full pelt into the Christmas season, becoming as wankery over wrapping paper and baubles as is necessary to achieve Christmas greatness.

<Covers self in tinsel>

That do?

winefairy Sat 24-Sep-11 10:10:59

Finally! I was almost as excited about the start of this thread as Christmas itself! That can't be right, surely?

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Sep-11 10:12:12

<takes Boys aside gently> Tinsel is ahem, 'inappropriate' my dear. Least said, soonest mended. wink

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