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I asked my family not to buy as much for ds and I this year but now I feel like I'm spoiling their fun!!

(9 Posts)
mogs0 Thu 01-Oct-09 22:03:52

I was just reading Quints thread about a similar thing and thought I'd start a thread too as I need reassuring that I've done the right thing!!

Ds is the only child in our family. He has no contact with his Dad so it's only my family/friends that buy for him but you'd think he had the whole country giving him presents the amount he's got.

A few weeks ago I told my 2 sisters and Mum that I was setting a limit to 3 presents from each of them (as opposed to a minimum of 10 each previous years - and for birthdays) for both ds and I as we just don't have the space for any more stuff and it's just so wasteful.

Well, you'd think I'd cancelled Christmas!! hmm I also asked them for the presents not be quite so big (table football from last year still doesn't have a proper home) and anything bigger than a shoe-box would have to be kept in their houses and not mine!!!

Last year, I asked them if they wanted to share the cost of half a Wii (ds paid for the other half himself) in the hope that they wouldn't need to buy him a main present but they still went and got him lots of 'big' presents hence my setting the 3 present rule.

This year he's having a bike from us all and I really hope they stick to only getting him a couple of extras but I have a horrible feeling they'll just ignore me.

What can I do? Am I being mean not letting them spoil ds and letting ds be spoilt by his family?

onepieceoflollipop Thu 01-Oct-09 22:14:53

This is tricky and I hope that you don't get unhelpful respsonses of people telling you you should be "grateful" etc.

We too are blessed with very generous grandparents (my side of family) and other relatives.

Various strategies have helped. When the dds were small I made it known that "they" weren't keen on cuddly toys.

Would your close relatives be amenable to suggestions for presents? For example my dds are having nice personalised towels as one present which are kind of a treat iykwim but also practical. Now dd1 is older she is keen on vouchers from places like Claire's accessories/bear factory.

What was there reply to you asking about keeping some stuff at their homes. Might not be a bad idea within reason.

I would also recommend having a ruthless clear out/declutter prior to Christmas and each b'day.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 01-Oct-09 22:17:22

their reply I meant, obviously.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 01-Oct-09 22:32:26

If they have asked for ideas, then you can recommend ideas but of not then I would hate to be told I had to buy three items of a certain size or give x towards a present.

mogs0 Fri 02-Oct-09 00:20:56

Ooops, I've just re-read my post and I do sound very ungrateful. sad I am so grateful for having a loving and supportive family. I, too, hope I don't get unhelpful responses!!

Well, I don't know what the answer is. I don't mean to tell them what they can and can't buy and certainly don't want to give them lists of things I want ds to have but there is a limit to how much one child can play with/wear/eat (still have chocs from last year lurking in cupboard). A lot of his games are duplicated - do I just charity shop the extra one or try and reduce the amount of gifts in the first place.

Oh, I just feel like scrooge........

strechedtothelimit Mon 19-Oct-09 07:26:00

mogs, my ds is the only grandchild/nephew of dh's family and have had to ask them not to buy so much in the past for the same reasons, he has too much as it is shock

Last year I asked them to pay for his tennis lessons as a Christmas present and ice-skating lessons for his birthday. They loved the idea!! They also got him a couple of small gifts too so that he had something to open on the day.

Does your ds have any interests that they could contribute too? It also helps us out as ds does so much and this way we don't pay for everything.

hth

bigchris Mon 19-Oct-09 07:36:05

how about sending last year's offerings to the charity shop and then when they ask where they are tell them you didnt have the space

sherby Mon 19-Oct-09 07:43:55

I don't think it is ungrateful AT ALL. Are you just supposed to keep going like this until you can't move in your house for toys?

We did the same thing a few years ago. We live in a tiny bungalow and all the family were going way overboard every bday/xmas to the point that I was actually getting stressed about all the stuff everywhere and then more to come. The worst thing was the bloody cuddly toys they had about 6 of those huge teddy bears you get in toysrus. They didn't even look at them hmm

I gave most of the toys away to charity and told the family that we would accept books/puzzles/dvds/drawing craft stuff. If we wanted to get something big they would contribute. They acted like someone had died hmm.

weblette Mon 19-Oct-09 07:44:11

You don;t sound ungrateful, just practical.

My children are the first of their generation of our family so would invariably get presents from absolutely everyone.

What we've done is suggest that they might all want to decide on one or two joint things - one year they bought the furniture for dd's new dolls house. Another they got accessories for ds1's new bike - helmet, bottle, book on cycling etc.

Stretched's idea sounds good too.

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