no presents for 18s and over.....bit mean?

[ramonaquimby]

need help with this one.
In dh's family, once children are 18 they no longer get a Christmas present from their uncles/aunties/grandparents. Doesn't matter if they are still in school, living at home and working/not working, etc etc. Blanket policy!

I can't do this and think it's terribly mean - might be different if they were out of the house and/or earning. There are 5 nieces/nephews out of 12 who are now 18 or older - all living at home and still at school.

What would you do? Ignore family protocol and give anyways (and risk SILs talking about me??) Or feel very Scrooge-like and go along with it.

Have already bought gift cards for everyone - gone are the days when I had time to buy something individual for all of them, and I don't know them terribly well either.... -

can you return a gift card I may have 5 I need to return.

thanks v much

[mumblechum]

Hmm, I stopped buying for my neice & nephew at 18, but they were both working then. I can see why it looks a bit mean if they're still living at home & still at school.

Since you've already got the gift cards, why not distribute them, I can't really see anyone getting upset that their dc have an extra present.

[cmotdibbler]

It's very reasonable to me. We won't be buying anything for his neices and nephews once they are 18.

I think once I was 16, my aunts stopped buying presents

[ramonaquimby]

even if there are younger siblings?

[dingdongmerrilyonpie]

If I wanted to buy someone a gift, other peoples policies wouldn't stop me.

[thenewme]

I doubt you can return gift cards.

I would put them in a card so they think it is just a card and then get a nice surprise.

[dingdongmerrilyonpie]

We have the same policy in my family too. Once you're 18, that's your lot

[cmotdibbler]

Yup. They are adults at 18, and can choose to participate in gift exchange or not.

[ramonaquimby]

ok, thanks everyone. I think I will give them -

still think it's a weird policy though!

[PortAndStilton]

Well, family policy is presumably based on the idea that at 18 they are adults.

So, as they are adults, they can make their own decisions, including about whether they want to stick with family "decisions" made over their heads years ago.

So, you can ask them whether they'd like to get presents anyway. And if they do, it's nothing to do with your SILs.

If you're a child then your parents retain (to an extent) a right of veto over presents. If you're an adult they don't.

[Tortington]

mine is = if my kids have kids then mine wont get any as their kid get.

this sounds fine.

i always used to buy the mums something cheap and smelly

but this year its all gone a bit with bil and sil buying for us - and telling us they have and being much excited at being in a position to be able to afford this frivolry, and its nice to see - yaya your not skint lifes treating you well and thats great - but please dont buy me presents.

but they have.

have asked dh to have a word - dont want this to be an annual event.

[gagamama]

I think it's a bit mean, once you hit 18 you actually need presents much more than you did when you were younger! Especially if you're at school or Uni. I'm sure they'll appreciate this much more than your adherence the 'family policy.'

[christmaseve]

Lots of families I know do this. We don't, we buy for everyone except my grown up nephew and I buy for his two boys.

Must admit money was tight this year and I did consider that we should change policy but I've managed to buy some lovely things for under a tenner and then think well it is Christmas .

[ramonaquimby]

custy - that what we do in my family - presents, even a token thing, until you have children of your own.

[baublerock]

In our family it was agreed that Christmas stopped at 18 and birthdays at 21 - it just gets silly otherwise, and where do you stop? There are 13 of us cousins and we are all over 21 now some of us with children, some aunts and uncles give gifts now to the children or give them a fiver when they see them but it's only if they want to.

[Tortington]

i have a 19 yo son, i coldnt not buyhim somethng becuase he is 19.

not boaught the gf anything though

[baublerock]

But that's your child custy - I'll buy for mine forever too but if I had 13 nephews/nieces to buy for year after year I would welcome it coming to an end at some point

[ramonaquimby]

(pssst - there are 19 nieces and nephews! )

Yikes! But the present buying thing stopped for the older ones (who are actually same age as me and their children same age as ours bit I know , dh is one of 6, his sister is almost 20 years older than he is) long ago before I arrived on the scene

[Tortington]

hmm yes, i see what you are saying.

[Simplysally]

We don't really do birthday presents for adults in our immediate family (an aunt unilaterally decided this a few years ago) but we still exchange Christmas gifts. I personally don't buy for my cousins or aunts/uncles, we club together with my parents. I was quite disgruntled when my Mum declined to do me a stocking past the age of 30 even though I had a little girl of my own by then.

[larry5]

I have bought presents for neices and nephews until they are working - one nephew is at university so not yet earning. When he leaves that will be it. Mind you I thought we had almost got to end of present buying but my brother is in a second marriage and had another daughter this year after a 19 year gap!

[kyrasmummy]

Aww i couldn't imagine not buying my nephews anything once they turn 18, my aunts still buy for me and i'm 23 I will always buy for family even if it's just a token gift.

[hunnybun1981]

i am 27 and my aunt buys me and my kids as do i for her and her kids.

i think even a token gift would be appreciated

they sound like meanies lol

[islandofsodor]

Not mean, eminently sensible.

As the oldest of my cousins I was the first this rule applied to except it was 16 not 18 and I had no problem with it.

[MotherChristmas2OliverJames]

In our family once you get to 21 you dont get christmas/birthday presents from not-imediate family, like uncles and aunts, will still get pressies from my Nan and grandads, probably from my great nan too (but she has only just come back nto our lives so is making every effort)

[TooFoggy]

I would get them an amazon voucher that wont be so noticeable, it will make them feel remembered but not rock the boat too much. I would say that in MY family we dont stop until their income reaches £X amount and we are very strict about it in MY family. Its up to you what you give and to who