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Just shattered my 10 year old's illusions. Feel like shit.

(25 Posts)
fartmeistergeneral Wed 29-Oct-08 19:42:43

He had kept coming up to me saying 'Is santa real?' 'He's not real is he, it's you and daddy'. So I felt he was ready to be told. He asked about the tooth fairy and I told the truth and he seemed ok, but have just told him about santa and he has absolutely freaked and I feel like total shit.

He cried and cried and said that he did still believe and I shouldn't have told him, that Christmas is now rubbish and it's all fake. I said, 'there can't be still many in your class who still believe' and he said, 'I wish I was one of them'.

thought he was ready. Was wrong. Am worst mummy ever. Feel like shit.

halfaquark Wed 29-Oct-08 19:52:01

Backtrack. Tell him that as long as he believes you believe and santa will be acoming to his house.

UmMwahahahaaaaa Wed 29-Oct-08 19:53:16

Oh dear, do you have any tiny relatives he can pretend 'for'?

Failing that, you need to try and create some new traditions...

UmMwahahahaaaaa Wed 29-Oct-08 19:54:28

Oh, and yes, he may well also need reassuring that santa will still be bringing lots of pressies to open wink

Dropdeadfred Wed 29-Oct-08 19:54:40

oh dear...NEVER TELL THEM - eventually they work it out for themselves.
We used to tell our two eldest that he wouldn't show if they didn't believe!!

get him to watch miracle on 34th street!

You can always get him to watch The Polar express, it might reawaken his belief.

Oh and don't beat yourself up about it. I bet you are not the first to do it a bit too early.

Troutpout Wed 29-Oct-08 19:56:51

you can't backtrack now...it will be worse if he has to find out again.
Aww i feel for you.It's a tough call sometimes ...especially when they are phrasing it like that in the negative.He will get over it though fartmeister.
Sympathise but don't let him hold it against you.

Cauldronfrau Wed 29-Oct-08 19:58:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy Wed 29-Oct-08 20:09:05

My 6y mentioned something briefly about FC not being real this weekend, but then quickly backtracked on herself. I hope we still have a while longer with the magic.

I don't intend telling her at all. She will work it out for herself, just like I did.

Fuind some younger friends/relatives her can "believe" for. My sister was 10 years younger than me and it was lovely being "in" on the secret and keeping everything magical for her. let us pretend for a lot longer than we would normally have had.

wastingmyeducation Wed 29-Oct-08 20:10:32

Santa is the spirit of Christmas, that represents how much Mummies and Daddies love their children, and is a special story for children. But it's ok to still believe, because there will still be presents from Santa even now you know that it's Mummy and Daddy who put them under the tree.
Or words to that affect is what my Mum told me when my big cousin told me about Santa when I was 6, and I love Christmas!
This year I am Santa, yay! I get to fill my own stocking!
Agree with helping a littler one to enjoy Christmas, and spread that Christmas themselves.

xx

midnightexpress Wed 29-Oct-08 20:15:21

Ach, come Christmas Day I'm sure he won't be that disappointed.

D'you know what, I have absolutely no recollection of ever actually believing in Santa. It's probalby my Aberdonian parents not wanting to fill my head with nonsense.

NotBigNotClever Wed 29-Oct-08 20:19:05

A week or so ago, my 10 year old dd was having a strop about something minor and I aired the old chestnut about people needing to behave because FC is taking notes - and she came straight back with "well, I don't believe in FC". ds (3) says immediately: "I do, I believe, I do". So I beckon dd out of the room and hiss fiercely at her out of earshot of ds: "As far as (ds) is concerned, we all believe in FC, ok?". Then I saw her eyes fill up with tears and realised she really did not want to hear the awful truth at all. So we left it at that. And apparently, she does believe. Ahem. Well, she does still write very long letters to the Tooth Fairy...

wastingmyeducation Wed 29-Oct-08 20:20:18

that Christmas spirit.

xx

Saturn74 Wed 29-Oct-08 20:28:04

DS2 asked me the question outright last year (when he was aged 10.11) and had had his doubts for a year or two before.

I told him the deal - how it is true really, because we keep the tradition alive for younger children,
He was fine with it, and has kindly kept schtum for his older brother.

He did say last week that Christmas doesn't feel the same now, and it made him feel a bit sad.

DS1 hasn't asked, and I know he won't ask. He wants to believe, although he knows the truth deep down.

DS1 is very imaginative.
DS2 is very practical - to him it just didn't make sense that one man could deliver to everyone in the world on one night.

fartmeistergeneral Wed 29-Oct-08 22:08:46

Oh dear, having read your replies, I don't feel any better, feel worse. I should have come on here and asked what you all think before I told him!! When he had come up and made statements about 'it's you and daddy isn't it' I felt he was 99.9% there and only wanted to hear the words from me. People here have said I should have let him work it out for himself, well, I thought he had and I was wrong. Now I feel like i have shattered his world.

Agree that in a while it'll be water under the bridge and when he's opening his nintendo ds on Christmas day he won't care who gave him it.

But when he's lying in bed with silent tears running down his cheeks......

squiffy Wed 29-Oct-08 23:10:42

If it is any consolation I can TOTALLY empathise. Our dog died 3 weeks ago and DS (5) didn't seem to even register he wasn't there for 9 days, then he was cuddling with me and he looked me in the eyes and said " Mummy, Chaos (dog's name) is still running round in the farmers field (next door), isn't he?". And I told him the truth and it was awful and I really wish I had lied until he kind of forgot to mention it again.... it was so awful breaking his heart.

TwoFoggy Thu 30-Oct-08 08:29:51

I love the Spirit of Christmas explantation and the films. Maybe he just needs a bit of doubt, so you could sound a bit doubtful about it, as if your wrong maybe.

You could also go into the myths and legends. So Santa ala Coke advert is made up, but Shamans had this and St Nicholas and in Turkey etc. Create a bit more doubt so its not so black and white. There has been a seasonal entity for thousands of years etc.. might work!

Buda Thu 30-Oct-08 08:34:48

Oh fartmeister - don't feel so bad. We all make mistakes. It's what being a parent is all about unfortunately!

Does he have younger siblings? Can you make some of it a bit special now with him being the big boy?

I feel so sad for you!

fartmeistergeneral Fri 31-Oct-08 15:26:38

Just to let you all know, by yesterday (one day after my faux pas), he was totally over it and now says it's all a bit silly, big man, red suit, flying reindeer etc. He's even started his Christmas list, safe in the knowledge I think that I can say a definite no or yes!!!

I knew he knew deep down, I think his reaction was more the horror of it REALLY not being true, me confirming his worst fears! PHEW!

Buda Fri 31-Oct-08 15:28:22

Oh good! I am so glad it's all OK! Will bear your experience in mind when it comes to DS starting to question!

SixSpotBonfire Fri 31-Oct-08 15:30:30

Glad he's over it!

I haven't had this conversation yet with DS1 (now 9)...

firstontheway Sat 01-Nov-08 18:21:10

Awww bless him!

I had a similar conversation with my mum when I was about 10 (yr 6 in school?) and she had to tell me he wasn't real as I was getting into fights over it at school blush

Lonnie Sat 01-Nov-08 19:43:10

My father gave me the explanation No father Christmas is not real but what he stands for being loving and giving and kind to oneanother is VERY real and that is something that is inside each one of us to give to others..

made me feel that father christmas was still special and something wonderous to pass on to younger children you can still speak to your son about this OP

(nothing untrue about that)

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Sat 01-Nov-08 19:56:18

midnightexpress complete hijack sorry do you still stay in Aberdeen? I grew up there and am thinking of moving back there.

Back on topic. I remember hassling my mother to tell me the truth about santa as friends had told me he wasn't real. She did fess up and I was SOOOO angry at her for lying to me for years rahter than the fact that he wasn't real.

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