Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

(242 Posts)
whyola Tue 07-Dec-21 14:04:56

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

OP’s posts: |
loobylou10 Tue 07-Dec-21 14:08:16

Gosh, far too much I think. I understand why but I think that many present will be totally overwhelming to a 4 year old. Can you return some of it (or keep for parties/gifts you might need throughout the year)?

nimbuscloud Tue 07-Dec-21 14:09:06

I’d return a lot of it if you can
It’s way too much

Bunce1 Tue 07-Dec-21 14:10:37

I am Mrs overspend abundance but I think for the age that’s too much and could backfire on you in that she might get overwhelmed and stroppy.

I would-
Return around 1/3
Save 1/3 for future gifts and regifting

Then give her the rest which is still LOADS.

BeaMends Tue 07-Dec-21 14:10:41

The thing that stands out for me is that there are too many dolls on that list. They only need one doll present.

Snugglepumpkin Tue 07-Dec-21 14:14:36

I'd return some of it, or put it in a carrier in the top of your wardrobe for next year either for her birthday or next Christmas if you can't return it.

If prices keep going up & stock levels stay unpredictable, you might even be glad you've got stuff put away.

If you give her that much this year, then you are teaching her to expect that much or more next year & so on.

ThePoisonousMushroom Tue 07-Dec-21 14:17:34

It sounds like a lot for a 4 year old. My experience with kids that age is that if they have too much they are overwhelmed and don’t know what to play with first/next. I’d save some for her birthday (I’ve done this with my 6 year old as I realised I’d bought too much).

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LtMoose Tue 07-Dec-21 14:17:50

I actually think it's fine, it's a little extravagant, and yeah she doesn't need that much, but if it's been a rough year and you can afford it, then fuck it, go for it and have a lovely Christmas day

Findingthelight1 Tue 07-Dec-21 14:18:59

Agree with pps. Your intentions are lovely, but it's just too much and she won't be able to appreciate it.
To stop her being overwhelmed, I'd agree with the pp who suggested returning 1/3 of it, giving her a third at Christmas and giving her the other third for her birthday next year.

Even a third of that will be more than enough smile

Whattochoosenow Tue 07-Dec-21 14:19:15

I would say you’ve bought enough for about 4-5 children there.

PoppityInThe Tue 07-Dec-21 14:19:59

Will she be getting presents from any friends/family too?
I'd say quite a bit, although some things like blanket /PJ'S I'd give as a treat for Christmas eve.
You could hold some of it back for her birthday.
But ultimately it is your decision whether or not to give it to her for Christmas or not. She doesn't have to open them all in one go if she doesn't want too. You've both had a rough year, do what brings you joy.

Proudboomer Tue 07-Dec-21 14:20:34

Spend the gift giving over the whole Christmas period.
Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll Christmas Day
Spider-Man walkie talkies Christmas Day
Polly pocket set Christmas Eve
Minnie Mouse hotel Christmas Day
Blanket Christmas Eve
Soft toy x 2 Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve
Fairy doll Christmas Day
Peter rabbit jack in the box Christmas Day
Baby tumbles don’t know what this is
Toy torch and projector New Year’s Eve
Busy book Boxing Day
Pyjamas Christmas Eve
Figure sets from programme x 2 Christmas Day
Books put away for January to read when weather is bad
Small light up fairy dolls x 2 Boxing Day
New backpack put away for when starting school or nursery
Bend and flex Spider-Man put away as a bithprthdayparty gift
Small cry baby stocking filler
LOL small doll stocking filler
Ring set stocking filler
Makeup set (small) stocking filler
Paint your own fairy set put away until you have a rainy day so you can do together
Disney animators playset boxing or New Years day

CurryLover55 Tue 07-Dec-21 14:23:27

You haven’t mentioned any other Children OP

LakeShoreD Tue 07-Dec-21 14:24:45

I have a 4YO and there’s no way all of that would be appreciated. Practical stuff like PJs, blanket and backpack I’d probably just give her outside of Christmas. Paint your own fairy set would be a great Christmas holiday craft activity, I wouldn’t bother gifting that and would just get it out next time you’re struggling to fill a rainy day. Then I’d definitely cut back again, primarily on the dolls since you’ve got loads, and either return a few bits or put some aside for her birthday.

whyola Tue 07-Dec-21 14:24:48

@CurryLover55 I have a 2 year old too but the thread was for the 4 year old specifically smile

OP’s posts: |
INeedNewShoes Tue 07-Dec-21 14:26:16

Sorry that you have had such a tough time.

My DD (also 4) would reach saturation point very quickly opening this list of presents and become overwhelmed.

I understand where this has come from and I know it's because you want to show love and give her lots to smile about but this is so much that I can't see how she can possibly enjoy all these presents. It would actually be kinder to her to give her less.

You could store some of the smaller items away to be given to other children when your DD is invited to parties etc. so it won't all have to go back.

Angel2702 Tue 07-Dec-21 14:27:22

I’d definitely put half of that away for birthday, small craft bits like the paint the fairy maybe for Easter.

We aim for around 10 gifts each and a stocking and that fills their sacks and always seems OTT, they’d be there all day with that lot.

TheFairPrincess Tue 07-Dec-21 14:28:01

I would hold some of it back, even not listing the individual items, considering the 27 presents do not include stocking fillers, it's probably a lot.

Although it's not obscene, and is in line with what others do I reckon, it is really a lot and though I understand the impulse, we all know deep down that material goods do not plaster over emotions. Just have a lovely happy Christmas with her doing lovely things, and pick about 10 things off of your list to hold back.

I would recommend the polly pocket, Disney Animator dolls, paint set, ring set, 1 of the soft toys, 1 of the light up fairy dolls, makeup set and possibly the Belle set unless she is particularly obsessed with any of those things right now as some like the Polly Pocket and Disney dolls are better suited to slightly older children and so would also be well loved next Christmas/birthday.

At the end of the day though she is your child and if you want to give it all to her on the day then do so. I would gently advise though that you look at the underlying reasoning for buying so much and think about whether she would be any less happy with less stuff.

SheWoreYellow Tue 07-Dec-21 14:30:22

I don’t know. Quite a lot of it is small or not much of a present for a four year old eg backpack, blanket, plus books are essential (to me).

I think you’re two presents over.

Raindancer411 Tue 07-Dec-21 14:30:53

Personally I don't think it's too much. I love Christmas and always buy bits but then once they have opened then, if there are bits to grow into, I put to the side to bring out later.

Don't worry what others think😘

Oddbutnotodd Tue 07-Dec-21 14:31:29

I agree it’s far too much. Maybe give some to a local Charity/womens refuge. I understand we’ve all had a tough year. Realistically will she play with most of it.

RevolvingPivot Tue 07-Dec-21 14:37:11

That's about how much I get my kids. But to be honest a lot of it gets opened and not bothered with. I think they will be disappointed this year. Maybe safe some of the dolls for her birthday?

FAQs Tue 07-Dec-21 14:37:50

Ive just added my daughters up and it’s 21 presents she receives presents from no one else other than a tenner from my parents. It’s a bit unusual because she is a teen and usually has 4-5 expensive presents but only asked for a mascara and phone case this year. Also other than her birthday we don’t tend to buy anything for the rest of the year other than clothes, your list includes a few essentials so have fun it looks fine.

TheFairPrincess Tue 07-Dec-21 14:38:25

Also if it is at all helpful, if I could curate your list down to what I thought the average 4 year old would love and be able to cope with in one day, it would look like this:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy
Fairy doll
Baby tumbles OR Kindi Kids Doll
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme
Book (x1)
Small light up fairy dolls
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
Makeup set (small)

DoucheCanoe Tue 07-Dec-21 14:38:39

I'd split it up for different occasions e.g.

Christmas Eve: PJ's and blanket

Christmas: Books, torch, Minnie mouse hotel, walkie talkies, soft toy, paint your own fairy.

Stocking: dinosaur, bubble bath, make up, rings, soft toy.

Is she starting school next year? If so, is keep the backpack for then.

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