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Present etiquette when I have DC and they don't

(27 Posts)
SpacePug Tue 06-Oct-20 10:28:15

Me and my 3 best friends have done a £10 limit for each other at Christmas for the past few years and it works well. I have a toddler who's birthday is in December. I know that they love to get DS a birthday and Christmas present and have already asked for ideas or told me what they are getting which is lovely. My thoughts are, it seems unfair that I spend £10 on them when they are spending £10 on me plus maybe £10 on DS birthday same again for Christmas 2 weeks later. What do you think I should do? Tell them not to get me anything and get for my child instead if they want. Or my other idea is give an extra gift at Christmas that is from my DS (he turns 2 in Dec). I could bake shortbread maybe and get him to do the icing

OP’s posts: |
BasiliskStare Tue 06-Oct-20 10:35:11

I think either of those is absolutely fine. I would lead with just buy for toddler but not you & if they insist on doing both I would get them a little present from DS.

RedPandaFluff Tue 06-Oct-20 10:49:18

Hi @SpacePug - agree that either of those would be fine. The only thing I would say is, some people wouldn't eat something that a young child had a hand in making . . . I used to, and quite happily, until I watched my friend make cupcakes with her toddler and realised that the hygiene bar gets lowered significantly with spoon-licking and all sorts going on grin

RedPandaFluff Tue 06-Oct-20 10:49:52

(I hasten to add that I'd absolutely appreciate the gesture, though!)

peachypetite Tue 06-Oct-20 10:53:24

Lol I definitely wouldn’t eat biscuits a 2 year old had made but would appreciate the gesture.

Aroundtheworldin80moves Tue 06-Oct-20 11:07:00

How about making something like Saltdough tree decs. (Make Saltdough, use festive cookie cutters, dry out, paint. Gold paint works particularly well)

Spied Tue 06-Oct-20 11:09:21

I'd up my budget to £20 for them.
If/when they have DC I'd suggest kids only.

SpacePug Tue 06-Oct-20 11:28:01

Haha good point about the hygiene of baking with a toddler! We haven't baked much before so didn't consider that. I'll just chat to them and say they don't need to get me anything as they're buying for DS, if they already have done then will start it next year, I'll have a second DC by then too. I'll get them an extra gift and say it's from him if they insist on buying this year 🙂

OP’s posts: |
SpacePug Tue 06-Oct-20 11:29:02

The salt dough christmas decoration is a good idea , I think grandparents would like that too,will definitely make some of those

OP’s posts: |
Startaler Tue 06-Oct-20 11:31:11

I'd maybe have the conversations with your friends about you not wanting to put extra pressure on them to buy gifts for your child. Are they likely to have children in the future? Talk about whether you are all going to still buy for children when there are more children. These things are normally fine when there is just one child to indulge but can become more problematic when more children come along. Then often the person who becomes a mum last, indulges all the children, only to find that present buying stops when they're baby comes along. They will probably still want to indulge your little one right now, so maybe suggest if they want to buy him a gift, keep it to birthdays so there's not so much pressure in the future.

Squirrelblanket Tue 06-Oct-20 13:42:44

I'm the friend with no kids in my circle. I do sometimes buy gifts for my friend's kids but I wouldn't expect anything in return. Something homemade (not food as per other commentsgrin ) would be cute if you really wanted to do something.

I wouldn't be happy with the suggestion of not getting my friends anything and buying for the kids instead, whether I had children or not. I'm friends with THEM and it's them I want to treat. Kids get loads of presents!

mam0918 Tue 06-Oct-20 14:42:56

are you sure they are spending that much?

I just bought my friends kid (that I have only met once due to covid) a licenced toy for their birthday that with a quick look online seemed to cost £5-ish normally but I grabbed it because it was in the sale for 0.99p in the shop I was in, I walked into argos right across the street and they where selling the same one for £8.99

I often do that for my friends kids, just grab sale items when I see them

Courtney555 Tue 06-Oct-20 15:39:03

I think, let them buy what they want. If they had DC you'd buy for theirs. If it makes you uncomfortable then say something, but then what happens when one of them has a DC? They restart buying for yours? Is that not more awkward? Or, could you get them "better" gifts to acknowledge they spend £20 on your DC?

TheRosariojewels Tue 06-Oct-20 15:49:58

I would say I'd rather not get into habit of buying each other's kids presents.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Tue 06-Oct-20 18:22:25

I would go with a handmade decoration over home baking. Lots are funny about food made by others, especially children, and given the virus may be being ultra careful.

MrsPworkingmummy Wed 07-Oct-20 06:09:20

I don't think you need to do anything differently. Your friends have chosen to buy your son a present which is completely their choice and, I think, a fairly common thing to do. You obviously receive these presents gratefully and it sounds like you've a great set of friends. I think a token gesture of thanks like baked shortbread would be really appreciated.

theamplifier Wed 07-Oct-20 06:18:18

I agree. Them buying things for your toddler is separate from your adult £10 gift exchange. If they want to get him things, that's their choice and it's unrelated to the adult gifts.

You could give them some shortbread you have made, presented nicely and hygienically, untouched by the toddler, but attach a gift tag with his scribble and say it's from him.

kavalkada Wed 07-Oct-20 06:36:20

I have a rule with friends with no kids: they buy my kids presents, and I buy for them.

keziahthecat Wed 07-Oct-20 06:41:40

I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure you can repay them when/if they have children. My sister had 3 children 10 years before me so I always spent a lot more on her family than she did on me but I didn't resent that, I liked buying for the children. Now I have two so we are almost equal! A little token/ handmade present is a cute idea though.

RLABC Wed 07-Oct-20 06:46:42

OP, how do you know that you'll have another child by Christmas 2021?

Idontgiveagriffindamn Wed 07-Oct-20 06:47:28

I must have no soul but I can’t think of much worse than a handmade present from my friends kids. I just about tolerate the handmade Xmas decorations from my own children!

Cantthinkofausename Wed 07-Oct-20 17:21:35

@RLABC maybe because the OP is pregnant?????? DUH!!

RLABC Wed 07-Oct-20 17:28:31

@Cantthinkofausename, I must have missed where the OP mentioned that.
Oh no I didn't, it's not been stated at all!!!!!! DUH!!

Cantthinkofausename Wed 07-Oct-20 17:31:46

I think its pretty self explanitory!!! Duhhhhh

RLABC Wed 07-Oct-20 17:35:59

@Cantthinkofausename grin biscuit grin biscuit grin biscuit

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