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No gifts for the grown ups

(74 Posts)
LivingoffCoffee Fri 02-Oct-20 18:50:43

Is it super Grinch-y to ask our families that we skip presents for the grown ups from now on?

I'm a huge Christmas lover. Decorate like crazy. Scented candles everywhere. Love the Christmas meal and excited to be able to host now that we've moved into a bigger house.

But I just find it a bit tedious trying to find presents for my parents, PIL, BIL, SIL that they will like/appreciate/feels special/we can afford. I don't need presents. I'd be more than happy just having a lovely family meal and day together.

Our DS is the only child on both sides though, so don't know if it's unfair to say - I'm not going to get you anything, but feel free to buy my child something? Or just suggest no presents at all?

OP’s posts: |
bettsbattenburg Fri 02-Oct-20 18:55:30

LivingoffCoffee

Is it super Grinch-y to ask our families that we skip presents for the grown ups from now on?

I'm a huge Christmas lover. Decorate like crazy. Scented candles everywhere. Love the Christmas meal and excited to be able to host now that we've moved into a bigger house.

But I just find it a bit tedious trying to find presents for my parents, PIL, BIL, SIL that they will like/appreciate/feels special/we can afford. I don't need presents. I'd be more than happy just having a lovely family meal and day together.

Our DS is the only child on both sides though, so don't know if it's unfair to say - I'm not going to get you anything, but feel free to buy my child something? Or just suggest no presents at all?


That's unreasonable, it'd make sense if the others had children too but otherwise it's bad form.

TattyMcBab Fri 02-Oct-20 18:56:09

YANBU but some families are more receptive than others. My Dad - famously fussy, increasingly allergic to things, no manners about smiling and being grateful - will not hear of us not doing presents at Christmas.

LivingoffCoffee Fri 02-Oct-20 18:58:49

@bettsbattenburg Even if I said no presents at all? (Though I guess I know them well enough to know they'd end up wanting to get DS something)

OP’s posts: |
bagginses Fri 02-Oct-20 18:59:48

We do a Secret Santa amongst the adults in my family. We set a £50 limit and then that is that. Its worked really well the last few years.

Bluewavescrashing Fri 02-Oct-20 19:01:49

We tried this, but last year SIL splashed out in gifts for DH and I. Without telling us beforehand. I'd bought nothing for them, as per our agreement and felt like a lemon.

Eeyorehoney Fri 02-Oct-20 19:03:17

We’re the same as bagginses- £50 limit on all adults picking a name out of a hat

BowowMttt Fri 02-Oct-20 19:09:02

A secret Santa between the adults is a great idea

NandosPeriometer Fri 02-Oct-20 19:11:11

It is cheeky to accept presents for your ds and not buy for those people imo.

PamDemic Fri 02-Oct-20 19:13:28

We've always done secret santa too.

maxineputyourredshoeson Fri 02-Oct-20 19:17:27

We buy for grandparents and children only. All of the other adults do have children though, so it does even out.

We receive a token present from our parents but no others. It works for us.

Mmsnet101 Fri 02-Oct-20 19:19:30

That is quite scrooge ish. Either do secret santa or do themes to make it easier, i. E. One year we do a book, the next is cosmetics /smelly stuff etc. Or just do boxes of chocs and gift cards?

BluebellsGreenbells Fri 02-Oct-20 19:22:25

Tell your DH to buy for his side.

You buy for your child.

Tell your parents no gifts.

You’ve done your bit.

Let him do the rest.

123rd Fri 02-Oct-20 19:22:56

Once siblings started having their own children we stopped buying for that (adult) sibling but continue to buy for all of the children ( nieces/nephew)
We now have 2nd gen nieces who we buy for but still buy for my nieces & nephews.
I do have a large immediate family tho

Stanleyville Fri 02-Oct-20 19:23:25

Your post made total sense.... until you get to the part about you having the only DC. You'll be regarded as a cf if you initiate this at this point. Your chances are before dc or when all your generation has DC as they'll all want to buy for the little one.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 02-Oct-20 19:27:23

I think suggesting a gift limit might be easier??

Or a theme of a gift that everyone would actually use?

lacylass Fri 02-Oct-20 19:28:52

We do secret Santa too...tighter than you...£5.00 limit...🤣

LivingoffCoffee Fri 02-Oct-20 19:30:42

I would be more than happy to say no presents at all, including for DS (other than what me & DH get him). But will accept the opinion that I'll appear to be a cf if I did.

We did secret Santa last year with DH's family and everyone just told each other what they wanted and got exactly that. My DH just got the £50 bank transferred to him. There's no Christmas spirit in that to me, so I don't see the point. But maybe I just need to accept that's who they are and how they do gifts.

OP’s posts: |
user1493413286 Fri 02-Oct-20 19:30:56

I don’t think it looks great to say no presents but buy for my child in all honesty. Why don’t you do secret Santa with a bigger budget of say £40/50 then each person gets something really good and it’s still probably cheaper or at least the same as buying something for everyone

goose1964 Fri 02-Oct-20 19:35:58

We have a small family with adults, there's my dad, a bloody nightmare to buy for, both in laws although my DMiL has been quite ill and has dementia. My 3 kids 2 have spouses and that's it, apart from DH and me. Children we have one nearly eight and one nearly nine, two three year olds and a,one year old. If we didn't do adults it would be a crap Christmas.

Nsky Fri 02-Oct-20 19:50:23

You could of course, give promise vouchers of activity or chore?
Works well, still s gift

blackteaplease Fri 02-Oct-20 19:54:14

My DH family usually do secret Santa up to £25 with a range of options given as suggestions. That way you get what you'd like but there's still a surprise.

I think no presents at all would be miserable. My parents are dead so I get something from dh and my secret Santa. That's it and that already feels pretty lonely to me.

EstherLittle Fri 02-Oct-20 19:56:31

We tried the no gifts for adults but my mum was quite hurt by this so we compromised with adults gifts having to be edible or drinkable. I get two bottles of gin now and it suits me fine.

Ragwort Fri 02-Oct-20 19:57:00

We gave up buying Christmas presents for adults a few years ago, so much easier, none of us 'need' anything and everyone spending £20 on everyone else really wasn't special or fun. We only bought for under 18s and now I just have one niece left under 18 - voucher in an envelope and that's my Christmas shopping finished grin. I do enjoy Christmas but hate the fact that for so many people see the threads on here it seems to just revolve around presents.

YerAWizardHarry Fri 02-Oct-20 20:01:19

We do a "secret Santa" with DP's parents and his brother and SIL, we write down 3 gifts each upto the value of around £50 (i guess you could increase or decrease the amount) and then you're given the name of a person and buy them one of the items on their list

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