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Help me politely tell someone their gift is awful

(327 Posts)
Dollyparton3 Fri 20-Dec-19 08:21:08

So..... every year my parents spend a not insignificant amount of money on a hamper. Every year the same hamper from the same company contains the same items.

For the last 3 years the hamper itself has gone straight in recycling, the food items have gone into cupboards (I removed 3 packages yesterday that were out of date).

The wine that is included is not to our taste. Hubby and I are big wine lovers and to us this stuff is a bit like flavoured vinegar. I found 4 bottles of the wine untouched yesterday, I don't even think it's the sort of thing we can regift to others in a hurry.

Here's the dilemma. I told my parents very delicately last year that although the hamper was lovely, we didn't make use of half the items throughout the year so we'd really prefer something that the whole family can enjoy this year. Hubby was there when we said it. There was a definite conversation, I also said that some of it wasn't to our taste so it had gone to waste.

Yesterday morning I got a text from the hamper company saying my hamper yet again from them will arrive tomorrow. I'm now making plans to take all the food straight to a food bank.

I'm not a material person as in expectant of gifts but I do get really frustrated with waste. Especially when someone else is spending good money on something we absolutely won't use. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

Bogrod Fri 20-Dec-19 08:23:47

Just take the stuff to a food bank. They clearly don’t really care whether the present is something you like; they’re just taking the easy option.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Fri 20-Dec-19 08:24:37

I wouldn't bother.

Maybe they're just crap at gifts and can't cope with picking out suitable stuff.

Let the food bank enjoy it.

PurpleDaisies Fri 20-Dec-19 08:25:04

You could suggest just buying for the children. They’re not likely to get a hamper.

I’m really interested in what this sub standard hamper contains that’s so inedible.

Finfintytint Fri 20-Dec-19 08:26:28

Is the hamper the lazy option because they have many people to buy for?
The food bank will make better use of it all.

SingingLily Fri 20-Dec-19 08:26:32

I have family that do this too and I hate the waste.

It's their money, though, and you've had the conversation to no avail. I don't think there's anything more you can do.

I'd give the contents to a food bank and leave it at that.

StCharlotte Fri 20-Dec-19 08:29:00

As hampers are obviously their thing, send them a link to a hamper you would like.

Hamper.com have lots of variety.

(Love a hamper, me tcrsmile)

RicStar Fri 20-Dec-19 08:29:50

Could you start buying them the same hamper? Then you could say 'oh it seems silly to both get the same thing - let's sort ourselves out instead' or they might realise the hamper is not as luxury as billed and stop. I dont think there is a polite way you can say you dont like a specific gift - this always causes hurt imo. You can say no gifts? Only gifts under a value / secret Santa / only kids etc.

WhereverIMayRoam Fri 20-Dec-19 08:31:11

Well, you’ve already told them politely and they didn’t listen (or possibly forgot I suppose). Is there any point telling them again? I get the odd hamper through work and I usually pass to an elderly neighbour or, if it’s a large one, I drop it in to an old people’s day centre. I know it’s frustrating but it doesn’t have to be “waste”. I think the best thing you can do is just say thanks and pass it on.

MerryDeath Fri 20-Dec-19 08:31:37

i don't drink at all and anything I'm given is used for cooking or regifted. a food bank will take the rest (they don't take alcohol if i remember correctly?). I'm with you on the 'waste' but some people just will not be told.

Dollyparton3 Fri 20-Dec-19 08:33:27

Good point @Bogrod, it is a lack of thought, more convenience. There's a bit of a history along those lines.

With regards to the food, there's lots of sweet stuff that we don't eat, biscuits, orange jellies covered in chocolate etc. There's a big boil in the bag sausage that we tried once and never again and there's normally a few jars of pickles (not big fans of pickles in this house) even the kids didn't want to open any of it last year.

I threw out two packets of Risotto rice yesterday untouched. It's a very Italian themed hamper.

This is the frustration. I could spend £20 on cheese and crackers in Aldi and that would get us properly excited about a bit of a cheeky Christmas late night feast. Kids included!

Hubby suggested we keep it then sent it back to them for a birthday to see if they notice then get ourselves something with the money we save. I'm thinking that's an option.

allthegoodusernameshavegone Fri 20-Dec-19 08:34:48

I’ll have it, I love a hamper

LaMarschallin Fri 20-Dec-19 08:35:05

Explain to your parents that you feel you have risen several social classes since your marriage and your tastes are much more refined* now.
The fact that they are eager to please, and spending what seems a lot of money to them, on a hamper to please you and your hubby** is not a factor.

Tell them their taste is common and that you would prefer a small, exquisitely crafted truffle.

Or accept the fact that they're trying to please you, remember Christmas is about being nice and give what you can to a food bank and use the wine for cooking. Then tell them how lovely it was.

*Sorry. You might recognise that as "refayned".

** "Hubby". Hah. You've not climbed as high socially as you think.

Finfintytint Fri 20-Dec-19 08:35:19

It would be rude to send it back.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Fri 20-Dec-19 08:35:27

I'd have used the wine for cooking or mulled it.

AnotherEmma Fri 20-Dec-19 08:36:32

You could refuse the delivery. The delivery company would return it to the seller.

You already told them politely last year that you didn't want another hamper, if they ignored it they don't care about pleasing you so don't worry about offending them by refusing it.

MarthasGinYard Fri 20-Dec-19 08:40:02

Maybe they've sent a different hamper

You've only had a text

TheLittleBrownFox Fri 20-Dec-19 08:40:17

What about if you guess the value of the hamper and in plenty of time next year send then a link to buy something with a note that you've seen this and desperately want it, would they consist giving you that instead of the hamper this year pretty please?

Lordamighty Fri 20-Dec-19 08:41:04

Hubby suggested we keep it and send it back for a birthday

You both sound awful, just give it away. You don’t need to offend them in the process.

TheKitchenWitch Fri 20-Dec-19 08:41:23

How can you not use risotto rice? Or biscuits?
Cook with the wine, or make sangria out of it.
I can see how there might be a couple of things you don't like but there's really nothing in there that oyu like??

TheLittleBrownFox Fri 20-Dec-19 08:42:16

You could refuse the delivery. The delivery company would return it to the seller.

You already told them politely last year that you didn't want another hamper, if they ignored it they don't care about pleasing you so don't worry about offending them by refusing it.

Fucking hell that's harsh. They're not stuffing nuts down a nut allergy child's neck, they're sending a Christmas gift!

kemosabeimalive Fri 20-Dec-19 08:42:35

I tend to donate items like this to our school fairs (we have two a year) and they always want bottles / sweets etc for the tombola. Similarly they have a food bank at harvest time for local homeless people and dried packets of things / tins are always welcome. I’m sorry your parents are gifting without considering what you actually like. I’m not sure there is much you can do other than maybe tactfully drop hints that you have your eye on something big for the whole family and request a voucher towards it (Eg amazon). That way it’s a no brainer for your parents and you get to choose something you actually want.

FastAway Fri 20-Dec-19 08:44:49

@LaMarschallin grin spot on I think

Egghead68 Fri 20-Dec-19 08:45:18

Just give the whole thing to charity.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Fri 20-Dec-19 08:45:46

I’m still struggling with the idea that you would throw away risotto rice. It lasts years (well it doesn’t in this house since I make lots of risotto).

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