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Ideas for presents for 15yo trans DD

(79 Posts)
cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:28:28

Bear with me Cos this is a difficult one!

Our 15yo has recently come out as trans (Male to female). And I am completely stuck on what to get her for Christmas.

She has started to take an interest in things like makeup, she likes certain body shop products and hoodies but only sort of statement ones that send out a message of some type. Her younger sister has already asked if she can buy her some bits of makeup so that's covered.

She is still very sensitive about the whole thing and I'm not sure if buying "girly" things would cause upset but I know that buying "boy" things (lynx, anything that says boy/man) would cause even more upset!

I've asked what she would like and she shrugs and says I don't know.

I know it's a long shot but does anyone have any ideas of something really lovely I could get her that won't offend or be awkward?? I just feel at a loss!

OP’s posts: |
mungo8 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:32:06

What about a lovely unisex perfume?

MsPotterPepper Sat 09-Nov-19 13:35:07

A 3D jigsaw puzzle.
Cinema tickets
Games console
Good quality art supplies

I don't understand that the issue is, just get whatever type of thing your dc likes.

SallyCinnamon3009 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:36:10

Could you stick with things that aren't girly or boyish. Does she have an Alexa or a kindle? I've seen a lot of posters on here with teens buying things like the colour changing lightbulbs and fitbits.

Or if you live near a shopping centre, something like Trafford Centre or Lakeside you can get generic vouchers that can be used in any of the stores. I know a lot of people see vouchers as a copout (personally I love getting a voucher), but something like that could be used in any shop for literally anything at all.

Experiences are also a good one, annual pass for nearest theme park if she's into rides?

OhioOhioOhio Sat 09-Nov-19 13:36:19

I understand what the issue is. Can you just ask her?

DeadCucumber Sat 09-Nov-19 13:37:02

PJs for Xmas eve? we do this every year lol.

Superdrug/Amazon voucher so she can choose own makeup or body products.

Nice winter blanket in her favourite colour.

Does she like jewellery? Start her a Pandora bracelet?

Nice pair of headphone if she likes music.

Depends what she's into, themed things if she's got a favourite band or TV programme.

Usual sweets, choc, socks for stocking etc.

Frenchfancy Sat 09-Nov-19 13:37:08

Why does a present have to be related to gender? New head phones, a Bluetooth speaker, a book...

ShippingNews Sat 09-Nov-19 13:38:57

I always ask teenagers what they want for Christmas and birthdays. It's always acceptable. If I were you I'd do that.

cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:43:28

I think that the problem is that she doesn't really seem to be "in to" very much.

We already have 2 games consoles that are never even switched on. Can't even remember the last time they were used.

Kindle might be a good plan as she does read a lot.

She is a guitarist but plays beautifully already and has 3 different guitars so really doesn't need any more music supplies.

Hates art or anything creative.

In answer to the PP who mentioned why do gifts have to be gendered - we are treading very carefully as she is very over sensitive to anything that she sees as gendered towards Male. So it's not a case of my opinion of whether something is typically Male or female, more a case of not wanting to unwittingly offend. Our adult opinion of whether a gift is "gendered" is very different to the opinion of a trans teen!

OP’s posts: |
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Sat 09-Nov-19 13:43:36

ask them what they want. Don’t fall into the ‘must be something girly’ (Just as you probably would avoid for other teens)

cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:44:03

@ShippingNews done that multiple times... I keep getting shrugs...

OP’s posts: |
SavoyCabbage Sat 09-Nov-19 13:44:06

I’m getting my 15 year old watercolour pens and headphones.

bluebluezoo Sat 09-Nov-19 13:44:11

I'm not sure if buying "girly" things would cause upset but I know that buying "boy" things (lynx, anything that says boy/man) would cause even more upset!

See I buy both “boy” and “girl” stuff for my dd’s. I go on whether they would like it, not whether it matches their gender.

But then mine learned fairly rapidly as out shopping if they ever said something was for boys, I’d ask them to show me where the bit for the penis was.

Just get them what they like. Regardless of it’s gender association.

SallyCinnamon3009 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:47:50

Could you maybe go on a shopping trip for her to pint out a few things she likes. I used to do this with my parents at the same age. Then they would just put them away for Christmas?

cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 13:52:53

Unisex perfume is a good idea too. It used to be CKone when I was young but I'm sure times have moved on since then. Sure I can ask someone at the perfume counter though!

OP’s posts: |
MsPotterPepper Sat 09-Nov-19 13:55:47

If your teen won't tell you what they want then I'd just give them a good amount of money as a gift.

PhantomErik Sat 09-Nov-19 14:13:32

Kindle or pile of nice books

Mug or 'Chillys' reusable bottle - Costa/Starbucks Voucher

Bath bombs


Lego set or nano blocks (I got a London Tower Bridge set & it was good fun to put together & it's now displayed on our bookcase)

Experience days or cinema voucher.

Pjs, dressing gown & slippers

FamilyOfAliens Sat 09-Nov-19 14:46:00

I'm not sure if buying "girly" things would cause upset but I know that buying "boy" things (lynx, anything that says boy/man) would cause even more upset!

It doesn’t sound healthy, having to tiptoe around your own child like this. Ask for a list or give money.

YouJustDoYou Sat 09-Nov-19 14:56:04

It depends on what she sees as "girly". What kind of a girl is she's trying to be? Does she have tastes in style or makeup?

cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 15:01:33

@FamilyOfAliens no it isn't healthy at all. However she has run away multiple times and even taken an overdose in the past so we kinda have no choice but to tiptoe. She is in a delicate place emotionally and the last thing I want to do is to make it look like I'm not being supportive with an ill thought out gift.

OP’s posts: |
Howmanysleepsnow Sat 09-Nov-19 15:05:06

HP Sprocket? Girly enough, without being overly gendered.

Trewser Sat 09-Nov-19 15:07:45

This is such a sad thread.

I will say that my dsis has MH issues and is really over sensitive to presents, reads all kinds of unspoken messages into them.

I used to spend a long time angsting and now I just get vouchers.

Tickets to something?

cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 15:08:45

@Howmanysleepsnow we were looking at one for younger DD(10) but after reading some MN threads about them it appears they are quite low quality and a bit of a fad.

Happy to be corrected though if anyone owns one!!

OP’s posts: |
Trewser Sat 09-Nov-19 15:09:14

I think I would put my foot down a bit and ask for a list. Ignore the trans bit in the context of presents, its not really relevant.

cricketmum84 Sat 09-Nov-19 15:09:58

@Trewser I'm going to get tickets to a Michael kiwanuka gig in our city but it's only about £30 per ticket and we tend to budget about £150 per child.

Why is it a sad thread??

OP’s posts: |

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