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I said I've had enough of hosting Christmas but they all insist...

(115 Posts)
DuckbilledSplatterPuff Thu 03-Jan-19 13:28:24

Sorry this is a bit of rant, don't take it too seriously. I had a little tantrum on Christmas Day, saying I was fed up of doing 98% of the work. This was after 7 solid hours of cooking etc with no help whatsoever from the lazy layabouts despite repeated requests, instead they saw it as an opportunity for "Bantz" at my expense. We had unscheduled rellies the next day too. I've never felt so fed up and exhausted.
I announced that next year I just wanted to go out to Christmas lunch and they could join us (and pay) because Christmas should be about seeing people, not one person being driven frantic over the work and the expense. I was shouted down by all and next year we have 18 coming. This has been going on for 30 years and its the first time I've made a stand.
I've been told by several of them I need therapy.
Am I mad or are they?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Thu 03-Jan-19 13:29:22

*20 years not 30

Santababyclaus Thu 03-Jan-19 13:29:53

Next year go out, or only cook dinner for yourself.

Sofabitch Thu 03-Jan-19 13:30:01

7 hours of cooking!

You do sound mad. Dial it back and give yourself a break

Holidayshopping Thu 03-Jan-19 13:30:24

You can’t have 18 coming because you haven’t invited them.

Make it quite clear now that it isn’t happening.

was fed up of doing 98% of the work. This was after 7 solid hours of cooking etc with no help whatsoever from the lazy layabouts despite repeated requests, instead they saw it as an opportunity for "Bantz" at my expense

Who are these people?

I would be going away on my own.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 03-Jan-19 13:30:53

Don't be daft - you have alternatives

Just let them turn up and provide a cold buffet - cook nothing, let the fuckers whine

Or don't answer the door

Or go out yourself and let whoever lives with you deal with them

Or go on holiday

Do whatever YOU want

Nowisthemonthofmaying Thu 03-Jan-19 13:31:02

Just say no! How rude to say you need therapy. Book yourself a table somewhere nice in September, and tell them all immediately so they have lots of notice. Then hold firm!

ILoveMaxiBondi Thu 03-Jan-19 13:32:54

I was shouted down by all and next year we have 18 coming.

No. You don’t. You only have 18 coming if you have invited 18. Otherwise just go out for Christmas dinner as planned. They can turn up and stand in your garden if they like.

gamerchick Thu 03-Jan-19 13:33:32

They can't force you man!

Repeat that you won't be hosting and book a table somewhere in September or when bookings are taken. Or have a break somewhere.

Say no and let them whine, selfish gits.

LoudBatPerson Thu 03-Jan-19 13:33:57

No do not let them shout you down!

You do not have to accept 18 people coming just because they insist.

Set yourself a reminder now for September, when most places start taking bookings for Christmas Day. Book somewhere nice and then tell everyone else to fend for themselves.

The absolute cheek of them all!

Holidayshopping Thu 03-Jan-19 13:36:50

Who are these people?
Is your partner on your side?

The fact you have said you have 18 coming makes me think you have historically been a pushover. Stop it now.

Send a text to every one of those 18 saying you’ve been hosting without any help for 20 years, you asked for help, got none and everyone took the piss, you had a miserable Xmas, didn’t enjoy it and so wont be doing it next year.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole Thu 03-Jan-19 13:38:14

I've been told by several of them I need therapy. and that is Gaslighting.

You are allowed to not cook Christmas Dinner.

You are allowed to be massively pissed off about the lazy layabouts watching you could unaided for 7 hours. Own your feelings!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 03-Jan-19 13:38:17

It's very easy and simple - don't do anything.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 03-Jan-19 13:39:03

You need therapy because you've had enough of being bullies by them? Because that's what it is.

Notquiterichenough Thu 03-Jan-19 13:39:12

Clearly they're mad. Why don't you book a holiday for next year instead?

Windybob Thu 03-Jan-19 13:39:13

You are not being unreasonable. Christmas should be for everyone to enjoy, and that includes you.

I also remember the opening lines to "Auld Lang Syne":

"Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind."

If they use your grief for "bantz" and say you need "therapy", then I'd say forget these acquaintances, and find yourself some new ones who appreciate what you do, and even help you out!

Meet with people who value you, not take advantage.

But I know, especially if it's family that's involved, this is far easier said than done.

Hoping you get things sorted over the next 12 months.

MissMalice Thu 03-Jan-19 13:39:50

Simple, you insist you aren’t doing it. Unless they have a gun to your head, you’re not doing it.

Holidayshopping Thu 03-Jan-19 13:40:25

Are they your own children?

Liz38 Thu 03-Jan-19 13:40:55

I'd need therapy after doing Christmas for 18 with no help.

Just. Say. No.

RedDogsBeg Thu 03-Jan-19 13:41:43

You are mad if you cave in to it.

FGS just state unequivocally that you will NOT be hosting next year, they will NOT be invited into your home if they turn up. Book Christmas Lunch somewhere for you and your immediate family only and leave the rest of them to it.

Fashionista101 Thu 03-Jan-19 13:42:30

This was my mum last the year before. Christmas just gone we went out and it was SO MUCH FUN! We're never having it in again smile

bringbacksideburns Thu 03-Jan-19 13:43:38

You sound like a bit of a Martyr tbh.

Be firm. Who are these people who ignore what you say and then sit on their arses and do nothing?? Have you got a partner? Are they mostly his relatives or your's?

Why on earth don't you cook for a manageable amount of people so you don't get stressed? hmm

They probably have heard it all before and think that by the time it's December you will do the usual. Book some days away or say you will do a cold buffet on boxing day.

No one has you in a headlock in the kitchen forcing you to do this.

FacingUp Thu 03-Jan-19 13:43:40

Why are you letting them bully you? Just don’t do it. They sound like utter bastards whoever ‘they’ are.

bellinisurge Thu 03-Jan-19 13:44:52

Go on holiday.

Bananalanacake Thu 03-Jan-19 13:45:06

I hope they bring food or drink as a thank you gift.

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