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Husband says he might not help but he pays the bills : //

(50 Posts)
goingbacktome Sat 16-Dec-17 23:42:12

Grr.....drowning in Christmas at the moment. We have a four kids and a large extended family - husband does absolutely nothing. I've been wrapping up all night, have been sitting up many nights until 2am trying to sort things whilst he lays in the bath and reads a book before retiring to the tv to snore through a film. I told him tonight it's really irritating and he replied that he contributes by paying all the bills. Drives me mad - yes, we have a baby at the moment so I can't work.

I was ok with doing all the work as it means he doesn't get to moan about the costs but tonight it's just damn irritating. In other areas of the house he's brilliant at pulling his weight but is hopeless at birthdays and Xmas. Is it just me that suffers this??

Mumsymcmumface Sat 16-Dec-17 23:46:26

Sorry. But Christmas is what you make it.

We have a massive family, I am one of six, oh is one of four, we are both the youngest so 27 nieces and nephews plus great bricked and nephews.

It’s really not that hard. Buy stuff and wrap it, or don’t and say you were too busy or couldn’t afford it.

I can’t understand people getting stressed about what is meant to be a fun family time.

Chaosofcalm Sun 17-Dec-17 06:46:10

I think this would be better on relationships. OP you know of this is unfair (sounds like) but at the same time the previous poster has a point. I can’t imagine what you are doing until 2 in the morning. Next year you need to cut back and say to DH you either my gifts for x, y and z or you do all the wrapping.

Fffion Sun 17-Dec-17 06:51:57

Why does he have to do the same jobs as you? He’s not you.

Why are you taking on more than you can cope with happily?

apostropheuse Sun 17-Dec-17 07:04:27

If you're having to spend all those hours organising Christmas maybe you need to cut back. Tell the massive extended family you're only buying for close family. Do as much Christmas chopping online as you can. Decorate a Christmas tree. Take half an hour to do an online food shop. Make a dinner with a few extras on Christmas day.

It really doesn't need to be a mammoth effort, and you willbe able to relax and enjoy it all too.

You say your DH is great in all other aspect around the house. That makes me wonder if perhaps he sees that you're maybe going a bit OTT with it all and doing unnecessary stuff. Just a thought.

annandale Sun 17-Dec-17 07:14:07

With a baby and three other kids it must be bloody difficult though. I do agree with the cutting down the extended family giving and all the rest. But even doing presents for three children and a husband is quite a lot of work, plus all the end of term stuff.

I can only say that as the breadwinner and the main Christmas person, but with only one older child, I'm still fairly knackered. It's an ovaryache at work at the moment, really busy.

I think you may have to work on the basis that he won't do Christmas or birthdays - so cut as many corners as possible and prioritise anything that makes life easier, like fewer presents, bags rather than wrapping, ready prepped food etc. Then keep on asking what he is prepared to do. Not at 2am though.

namechange2222 Sun 17-Dec-17 07:20:43

Why on earth would you choose to sit up until 2am to 'sort things'. Here is where madness lies. I was a single parent, worked full time and at one time had 4 teens at home. I bloody well wouldn't sit up until 2am to wrap presents
It's Christmas, just chill and enjoy it

youarenotkiddingme Sun 17-Dec-17 07:22:44

If you are say io wrapping until 2am for nights on end of say you’ve clearly bought a ridiculous amount.

Perhaps DH just isn’t into Christmas the way you are? Some people think a small gift and a few gifts for children are enough.

I buy about 40 gifts in total (large family!) and it takes me about an hour or 2 to wrap them all!

And I’m anal and have matching wrapping to decorations - matching bows and ribbon and tags fgrin

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit Sun 17-Dec-17 07:23:28

It's not fair of him to leave it all to you and saying he pays the bills is a chauvinist cop out.

He's leaving the "wife work" to you.

No It's not OK that he gets to luxuriate in the bath and put himself first while you get to put everyone else first, especially if you have a baby to look after. Is he pulling his weight with the baby or is that your job too?

Do you every get a chance to have a long bath and read?

skippykips Sun 17-Dec-17 07:49:42

My DP has little input in the buying, wrapping or paying for Christmas presents. I wouldn't have it any other way.
He has no idea how much I spend, I do tell him what I have bought. However i do warn him there may be a few surprises on xmas morning.

I think that if you are getting overly stressed about Christmas then you need to scale back. If your DP isn't helping, and you are not happy with this then do not wrap all his family's presents.

amazonianwoman Sun 17-Dec-17 07:54:18

You have my sympathies, my DH does bugger all too. No help whatsoever with decorations, shopping, food buying/prep, wrapping, anything. I only have a very small family, he has 3 siblings, 9 nieces/nephews. He complains our 2 DC get too much for Xmas - they don't, and they only get a couple of presents from others - then says on Xmas day when they've opened them "is that it?"
He hasn't even paid for anything this year either, it's all funded by a huge dose of eBay selling when we moved house last month.
If I ask for help he gets arsey. I genuinely can't stand him at this time of year.

ceeveebee Sun 17-Dec-17 07:59:24

Do you buy gifts for his side of the extended family? I have always totally refused to get involved in DHs present buying and card writing for his side, so he has to do it all or they wouldn’t get anything. So this year I have bought presents for a grand total of 9 people other than the kids, which we choose together. I did all my wrapping last night after strictly, it took about 2 hours.
Try it one year and see what happens?

HeadDreamer Sun 17-Dec-17 07:59:30

I don’t do any of my DHs family. Simples. His family he sorts it. If he doesn’t want to buy a present and wraps them for his own family then they aren’t getting it. If it is you who have the extended family well then it is your own problem.

He will do it if you don’t. He won’t see his mum without a present. And if his nephews and niceses are going without, then tell your BIL and SIL if they ask that DH hasn’t sorted it.

ceeveebee Sun 17-Dec-17 08:02:13

High five to Head!!

Greenshoots1 Sun 17-Dec-17 08:04:14

what an earth is there to do until 2am in the morning?

Christmas is supposed to be fun. Do what you find fun. leave the rest

grasspigeons Sun 17-Dec-17 08:10:47

Paying for something doesn't trump helping and being part of life stuff and that was a rude thing to say.

Can you try make it fun - like get some nibbles and fav music and wrap together in a 'isn't this lovely' rather than I'm doing an enormous chore way.

Robinkitty Sun 17-Dec-17 08:11:09

My dh will be as much surprised by the dc presents as they will. I don't mind, I sit in bed and click away ordering stuff and then wrap it as it comes in.

Fairylea Sun 17-Dec-17 08:15:02

There is no way in the world I would be staying up till 2am to wrap anything. I would tell extended family you’re having a quiet Christmas at home this year. Send vouchers if you must send something. Buy just a few main presents for the 4 children and screw everyone else. You’re making life hard for yourself unnecessarily.

NeverTwerkNaked Sun 17-Dec-17 08:16:46

He sounds like a pig. But it also sounds like you massively need to scale back. We have four kids and a big extended family too and I cannot comprehend how Christmas is taking up so much of your time!

NeverTwerkNaked Sun 17-Dec-17 08:18:04

And yes, don’t sort his side of the family. That’s his job.

HeadDreamer Sun 17-Dec-17 08:23:04

High five to Head!!

I learned it over the years grin I used to send Christmas cards to his family. He didn’t seem to care and now they don’t get them. He still buys for his mum. He actually made a mug at moon pig with DC photos on it. I think the OP DH might well think the OP is buying for too many people and doing far too much. If he has his ways he will only buy for a much smaller group like his parents and siblings children. Hence why he won’t help and said he paid so that’s enough?

DH sorts his mums birthdays too. It’s always something he can buy online. Amazon is a fave haha.

Silverthorn Sun 17-Dec-17 08:23:57

What on earth are you doing? Handmaking the presents?
I do not buy for dh side of the family. He does that. I do have to buy all the dc presents because he's a bit of a grinch and would not get them anything! (Tempted to pretend I haven't got them anything on xmas eve to see what he says!) You still have 8 days...

PrincessoftheSea Sun 17-Dec-17 08:29:34

Head nailed it

ChristianGreysAnatomy Sun 17-Dec-17 08:33:46

Tell him to get his lazy sexist arse out of the bath and do his share of the work.
Or tell him you won't be doing any gifts for his family. He's being a prick.

Viewofhedges Sun 17-Dec-17 08:49:55

Just stop doing so much. If he wonders where things “are”, just tell him you were busy keeping the children alive/ happy. That’s your job. Paying bills is his (if that’s how you think you usually split things) Whose job was it to get his Aunty Ethel’s present...?

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