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Anyone not do Santa for their DC?

(109 Posts)
Herculesupatree Thu 14-Dec-17 22:42:02

My DS is 18 months, I don't like the idea of lying to him so was thinking of not doing santa. We would still get him presents but they'd all be from us.

However, I'm wondering how we could play this with what we tell him, and how we explain it without:
1) making him think he's missing out and for some reason Santa is visiting other children and not him
2) alienating other mums at school etc. if he tells their children something which makes them realise the truth.

Anyone got any experience or ideas?

Lollipop30 Thu 14-Dec-17 23:00:24

I think your looking at it all wrong. Do you not believe in white lies?
Santa is a beautiful lie if you must look at it like that. The excitement and joy it can bring as well as teaching the gift of giving.
I think you’d be doing a great disservice to your son.
Not only would your DS be excluded from the excitement and discussion by peers but schools acknowledge Santa, write letters, have fairs/visits etc. Your poor DS will feel so left out that Santa doesn’t visit him. Not sure about alienating other parents, they’ll just feel sorry for your DS.

sausagerollsrock Thu 14-Dec-17 23:04:53

Each to their own but I think it's such a shame to deny a child the magical feeling of a 'visit from Father Christmas'. My fondest childhood memories are of Christmas Eve, leaving carrots, mince pies etc and the pure excitement of going to bed. I can honestly say I never felt lied to. I would be more disappointed now as an adult if my parents hadn't gone along with the Father Christmas charade. But as I said before each to their own.

PinkAvocado Thu 14-Dec-17 23:05:14

I am still not sure how to address this with mine either. How do you explain that Father Christmas brings some children lots and others nothing?

NorthernLurker Thu 14-Dec-17 23:29:06

My husband and I had a significant row about this when expecting dd1. My parents had done Santa and stockings. His hadn't. He tried they I don't want to lie like. I told him to get a grip unless he wanted a divorce. Twenty years later he gets it.

AdamBarlowsQuiff Thu 14-Dec-17 23:30:41

On the 'why do some kids get lots and some nothing' topic, I have said that everyone who loves you also writes to santa to tell him what they think you would like but some kids don't have lots of kind people in their lives so that's why we give toys to charity at Xmas etc.
My eldest is at the suspicious age so we had the chat. I went along the lines of, now you can be a santa (which they found VERY exciting) but I also hedged my bets with a "but no one really knows for certain". There was no dramatic "you lied to me!" and they've still written a letter to santa cause it's just a nice thing to take part in I think.
When I was a kid my family didn't really do santa it was all about religion and I feel like I missed out! But don't worry about the school thing really because you'll find everyone does it differently anyway! It is none stop They said santa left a letter/only does stockings /does all the gifts /just one gift and on and on!

Mxyzptlk Thu 14-Dec-17 23:34:30

You could tell your DC that Santa is a game that adults play with children and they pretend that the stocking full of presents is from him.
I was going to tell my DC that, but my DH unknowingly got in first and gave my dc1 the usual santa story so I was stuck with it.

Crabbo Thu 14-Dec-17 23:38:52

We won’t be doing Father Christmas for our dd (2.5 atm). I guess if it comes up I’ll just say it’s a story... I really don’t think feeling ‘excluded’ will be an issue - they’ll still get all the many other nice things about Christmas (apart from the actual reason for Christmas as we’re atheists haha so I guess that’s weirder?). So far the only time anything to do with it has come up is in talking about her advent calendar I said that she gets to open one drawer each day to help us count down to Christmas and when all the drawers are finished it’s Christmas and she’ll get a big present because on Christmas we give gifts to the people we love.

Crispbutty Thu 14-Dec-17 23:41:11

I feel sorry for your child. You will suck all the joy of fantasy and imagination out of his life. It’s not lying, it’s make believe.

I knew my presents were from parents and relatives but loved the magic of going to see Santa, looking out of the window at night on xmas eve to see if I could spot him. I can still remember the innocence of being a child and the excitement. When I got older and knew it wasn’t real I certainly didn’t get annoyed with my parents for “lying”.

SheilaHammond Fri 15-Dec-17 00:03:05

We didn’t do Father Christmas for a few years with our oldest as it freaked him out, and he hated the idea of it (man in your room at night etc etc, it started after a visit from F.C. at nursery).

We just said to people that we don’t do it, mum and dad do your stocking. We always said that F.C. comes to other children though, if they’d like him to, so not spoiling anyone else’s magic.

It was never a big deal. Once I explained to people they were very supportive.

Whatever you choose to do, if you choose to explain it to to others, you must do very confidently with a big smile, and lots of “ooh how exciting that F.C. is coming to your house,” in earshot of other children.

In the end do whatever works for you.

MyDcAreMarvel Fri 15-Dec-17 00:06:39

My advice would be to do Santa. It not lies, it's make believe and fantasy and magic and wonderful. That feeling as a child when you wake up and you see that yes Santa has been, cannot be compared to presents from mum and dad.
A pile of present on your birthday is just not the same.

whywontteenswearcoats Fri 15-Dec-17 01:02:00

My dc grew up thinking that although Santa brings the presents mummy & daddy pay for them. Santa is basically a Christmas Eve reindeer led dhl/ups. It answers lots of questions about why do some (ridiculously spoiled) children (cousins) get more or why do we buy toys for charity appeals

LassWiTheDelicateAir Fri 15-Dec-17 01:13:33

I feel sorry for your child. You will suck all the joy of fantasy and imagination out of his life

What utter nonsense.

pallisers Fri 15-Dec-17 01:20:44

I have said that everyone who loves you also writes to santa to tell him what they think you would like but some kids don't have lots of kind people in their lives so that's why we give toys to charity at Xmas etc.

Seriously!! So not only do poor children not have money they also don't have "kind people in their lives" and need to rely on your charity and kindness. This is horrible.

You know you are probably saying this about a child whose mother is working harder than you can imagine and sacrificing more than you can comprehend for her child and is miserable about what she cannot provide for her child. But not only is she poor she hasn't provided enough "kind people" for her child either. FFS. Seriously think about what you are teaching your child.

OP, you could do what we did which is "diet santa". We did it, made a very slight fuss but not much. So when the reveal happens it doesn't impact christmas much because the magic comes as much from other things as santa.

It helps to live where people don't automatically assume you believe in santa. all of their friends who didn't do santa were lovely, charming, innocent children just like ours. the obsession with santa as a barometer of childhood innocence can be downright weird.

PoemsForMySons Fri 15-Dec-17 01:23:07

We don't do Santa. DS was utterly terrified of him so we told him it is a game that people play and lots of children love to believe in Santa because they find it fun and it makes Christmas even more exciting and magical. He plays along with his friends at school because he is a very kind boy and understands that it wouldn't be nice to spoil other people's fun.

PoemsForMySons Fri 15-Dec-17 01:25:19

Oh, and despite not believing in Santa DS is very imaginative and innocent and has an excellent time at Christmas.

lucylouuu Fri 15-Dec-17 01:39:20

pallisers i don't think she meant it in a malicious way it was more about children who don't have parents or something, she wasn't being mean

lucylouuu Fri 15-Dec-17 01:42:24

she did say she meant for giving to charity's not that children with poor parents aren't loved

TracyBeakerSoYeah Fri 15-Dec-17 01:46:56

It's up to you, but it's a shame as I think you are being a little cruel.
Yes it's make believe in a way but so are lots of things like the Tooth Fairy, Jack Frost, the Easter Bunny etc.

However the modern Santa comes from the traditions of St Nicholas the 4th century bishop & gift giver of Myra & the Dutch Sinterklaas.

My DC have got to that age were they've informed me Santa isn't really real but they still like to watch Santa's route on NORAD on Christmas Eve, so do I.

littlebillie Fri 15-Dec-17 02:15:57

I think the lies are an exaggeration we had such fun setting up a wonderful Christmas morning. They loved it and even now look forward to the magic. We were never obsessive about it and let them tell us what they believed. Don’t miss out you will regret it.

pallisers Fri 15-Dec-17 03:08:04

pallisers i don't think she meant it in a malicious way it was more about children who don't have parents or something, she wasn't being mean

But it is mean to tell a child that kids who don't get much from santa don't have kind people in their lives. It is horrible actually.

lucylouuu Fri 15-Dec-17 03:18:33

passillers she said " ^ lots^ of kind people " not " they have no kind people ".
"some kids don't have lots of kind people in their lives so that's why we give toys to charity at Xmas " nothing about specific children here just trying to highlight the importance of giving to charity.. what an evil parent.

lucylouuu Fri 15-Dec-17 03:18:57

pallisers * even, stupid phone

Nancy91 Fri 15-Dec-17 03:24:42

I think believing in Santa is one of the sweetest and most innocent parts of childhood. It's only for a few years and it's hardly traumatic finding out that your parents told you a white lie to make you happy.

pallisers Fri 15-Dec-17 04:00:29

Lucy, we'll have to disagree on this one.

I think telling your child that children who don't get much from santa (this was the context in which it was said) don't have enough kind people wishing them well is awful. Most poorer kids I know have grandparents, aunts uncles etc who wish them every good thing - but if they don't have enough money then they can't give lots of santa presents. Nothing to do with kind people or wishing well or love or anything. economics really.

I understand wanting to maintain the magic of christmas and santa for your child. But if explaining it makes your child believe that poor children not only don't have enough money but also not enough kind people wishing them well so santa will visit ... well that is simply awful in my view. Do you really want your child to think this - poor kids who don't get presents don't have enough love in their lives?

Much better to say "santa is a family thing and he comes to different families differently" or similar. Or not get that hung up on santa in the first place. it is only recently that it has become this major thing with letters back and trips to lapland and tracking etc.

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